How many of you have read an awkward or uncomfortable sex scene in a romance novel lately? And I’m not talking about a taking-her-virginity scene—those are always borderline awkward. I mean a scene in which the experience for either the hero or heroine, or both, is, simply put, not the usual fireworks display.
I’ve always been a fan of boundary-pushing romances, those that deal with issues important to women—divorce (Sherry Thomas’s Private Arrangements; Judith McNaught’s Paradise), childhood abuse (Nalini Singh’s Mine to Posses; Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Acheron), social status (Celeste Bradley’s Seducing the Spy; Amanda Quick’s Dangerous), etc. But the one issue I haven’t seen explored very much in romance is that of the not-always-perfect sexual experience, or even sexual dysfunction. Don’t get me wrong–I love fantasizing about moments of perfect intimacy and glorious sex as much as the next reader. But I’ve always thought it would be interesting to read a love scene with slightly more realism, even brutal honesty, in it.
In the real world, sex can be messy, physically and emotionally. What would it be like, I wonder, to read about a heroine who doesn’t enjoy intercourse? Or who spontaneously cries after sex (a phenomemon more common than you would think)? Or about a hero with serious insecurities?
Love-making simply isn’t always as rosy as our genre presents it to be. It can be dissatisfying. It can be terrifying. At the very least, it can be fraught with anxiety and embarrassing moments. What do you think about the way sex is portrayed in romance and what changes would you like to see?
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I remember reading a regency romance a couple years ago about a guy who wasn’t great in bed. It wasn’t the best book I ever read and I remember not liking that one bit of reality. You are right that if more authors put it in their books it would be more realistic, but personally when I pick up a romance novel I want to escape reality. I don’t think that I would mind some of the not quite so perfect sex scenes as long as they keep the dysfunction out, as well as rape and abuse. The last two in particular tend to ruin the book for me. Not to say that it can’t be a good book. It is just that my view of the characters changes in a negative light and it is also depressing. I think that might be why you don’t see too much of that in Romance novels. One of the reasons why they are doing so well during the economic crisis is because they provide a sweet escape from the at times harshness of reality.
The Silver Pigs by Lindsey Davis (a mystery series) has, not awkward sex, but sex fraught with emotional resonance and yes, crying. That actually becomes part of the plot in the first books of the series. I have also read (and written) a few stories where the woman is more experienced than the man, and so mentors him into better sex, which is fun.
Anything is better than certain stories written in the 80s where the woman was so physically traumatized by sex that it took the next 400 pages for him to coax her into letting him try again. Talk about off-putting! Who needs THAT much reality?
It is because sex is messy and awkward in real life that I like how it is portrayed as rosy and perfect in novels.
I don’t think I would mind if the hero and heroines first time together was awkward (and not in the losing her virginity, traumatized by sex sort of way). The first time with anyone is usually a bit awkward, and that part of reality I don’t mind as long as some fireworks show up later on.
I like scenes with imperfect sex, particularly if they introduce complications to the relationship. Perfection is boring.
I sometimes refer to the “bad sex, good sex” plot.
Faking It by Jennifer Crusie. I loved that the first couple of times the H/H have sex it’s just … okay. The fireworks don’t happen until they really get to know each other and have formed an emotional bond.
Which reminds me of another Crusie novel: Welcome to Temptation. During that first sex scene between Phin and Sophie, it’s just not working for Sophie in the beginning. Phin turns things around — in a big way — but having that touch of “It’s just not happening for me” realism in the beginning is part of what makes that whole scene so spectacular.
Katie Mack beat me to it. Jennifer Crusie is the stand-out author for ‘real’ sex – not the nitty gritty, but the realism of it, even the scenes where it’s good.
I’m blanking but I recall a regency where the heroine actually ends up (gently) tutoring the hero in the sex department – I’ll come back if I remember. It was sweet and cute and funny and realistic.
I get bored with all the superlatives and magical fireworks sometimes, esp in urban fantasy or contemporaries. Much prefer realism in those.
Just finished Precious Jewel by Mary Balogh — lots of awkward sex in that. Their sexual relationship has almost got a story arc of its own!
But the most awkward for me is the sex intended by the author to be romantic but because of circumstances (location, etc.) it just seems fraught with opportunities to be uncomfortable. Judith Ivory’s first sex scene on a set of stairs in Black Silk seems to be in that awkward category for me: physically uncomfortable, situationally dangerous (any number of servants/guests could discover them), and awkward in a personal sense, as Graham has just left Rosalyn (his lover) in his bed.
great topic! i like the love scenes both ways, but i feel like if imperfect awkward sex scenes became more common in romance novels it would be a turn off (no pun intended!) for me. a sprinkling of it happening every now and then suits me just fine.
of course Faking It came to mind for me as well, but also Eloisa James’ An Affair Before Christmas is an excellent example as well.
I fell in love with Crusie when I read Charlie All Night and the heroine had a freak out in the middle of too-soon sex. She shut down emotionally because she she was thinking, “OMG, what am I doing? I barely know this man, and he’s inside me.”
That really made an impression.
I also just re-read Bittersweet by Spencer. In that there was a taking of virginity, yes, but also unsatisfying sex for the hero (!!!) because he was in physical pain. He wanted her to have a good time, but because he wasn’t having that great a time himself he left her with more insecurities. Spencer is brilliant.
Those type of scenes are way more memorable than the fantastic mind-blowing sex I read in book after book … but I don’t know if I’d want to give it up
I usually reflect the natural progression of a relationship in the sex. The first scene is awkward with the sex getting better and better until they’re finally in synch.
I also like the first sex scene to be rushed with the hero. I think that is true to real life (especially if the man really, really likes the woman).