(In which Barb ruminates and babbles a bit…)
I’ve never thought of myself as particularly daring. I don’t jump out of planes or run for public office and motorcycles terrify the hell out of me. I never dated a “bad boy,” nor do I have any particular affinity for them. Never hitchhiked or even rode in the open bed of a pick-up truck. I’ve never flown off to Europe on a whim, hell, I don’t even ride roller coasters. *shudder* I have a friend who’s a teacher in an International school and has done stints in places as varied as Egypt and (currently) Thailand. That, my friends, is daring. (She’s kind of one of my heroes for it, too.) Actually, I’m amazingly lucky in that I have a wonderful group of friends who all do what I consider to be daring, marvelous, creative, incredibly gutsy things and who inspire me on a daily basis. For the longest time, I’ve felt kind of like the lollygagger in the group– the boring one who lives kind of this very calm, middle-of-the road, downright blah existence.
Yet… I’ve been been wondering if maybe I’m not just a little more daring than I tend to think of myself. Certainly, the impression I’m getting from others would seem to suggest so. It’s like, I get on Facebook and find people from as far back as elementary school and they’re still in our same hometown, in many cases, in the same neighborhood, or at least, not that far. They stayed local for college, have never really ventured all that far from the familiar. Which is admirable in and of itself. Same goes for my husband’s family around these parts. They may have flitted off for a bit, but they’ve all come back home to put down their longterm roots.
I come across as a mystery to them. I’m not “normal.” First off, I’m a writer. It’s a bizarre career choice in that it’s not a particularly stable one that operates within any kind of easily understandable parameters. For people who are rather pragmatic and very career-oriented, it’s in a word, weird. They’re a bit mystified by the idea that I’d much rather follow a deeply held passion and accept the risks and inevitable disappointments that come hand in hand with that passion than to follow along some easily prescribed path of “normal.” Don’t get me wrong, they’re all very proud, they just don’t get it and I’ve had the occasional, “Wow, it took guts to follow your dream.”
Really?
Because to me, it just seems natural. The mere idea that I’d go to a day-to-day job that falls within the prescribed realm of “normal” makes me twitch. That takes a kind of guts I’m simply not in possession of.
Recently, something else has come up that’s made me wonder if I’m not a bit more daring than I like to give myself credit for. See, my husband and I have decided to do something we’ve wanted to do forever. We’re moving. Not just the moving in and of itself– we’ve done that plenty, from Florida, to Nashville, to Ohio and back to Florida again within the last twenty years—eight different moves. But this one has no rhyme or reason behind it– there are no schools waiting at the end or family beckoning us to come “home.” Nope, this one is stamped with a big fat, Just Because. Some time after the first of the year, we’re going to pack up and move from Jacksonville, FL to Seattle, WA. Just Because. We visited the Pacific Northwest when we were first married and kept trying to make plans to migrate west, but something always got in the way, not the least of which was that it was “so far from home.” And it’s that very thing that has the family looking at us like we’re nuts (again). Three thousand miles. We’re up and moving kids, cats, and dogs three thousand miles for no other reason than we want to, we can, and if we wait for the “perfect moment” to do so, how do we have any guarantee that it will ever come? Life’s kind of short, so you shouldn’t only take opportunities when they present themselves, you should make them for yourself.
Yeah, I guess that takes a certain kind of daring, not to mention blind (some might say stupid) optimism.
Which brings me back to writing. When I started thinking about this move in context with my writing, something became inescapably clear: I treat my writing the way I treat my life. I live it on my terms, by my rules, even if they don’t quite fall in line with the current fads. It’s why I can’t see myself writing to market, even if it might make my life easier. It’s why I persevere with my genre blurring, not quite one thing or another, “it’s great writing, but we don’t know what to do with it,” stories.
But it’s the only way I know how to be. I have to believe that at some point, these stories into which I’ve put so much of my heart will find their audience– their one true home, as it were. And I’m excited, too, thinking that this move is going to provide me with all sorts of inspiration and fodder for new stories that probably won’t fit any current parameters, ’cause that’s just how I roll.
Yeah, I guess that takes a certain kind of daring, not to mention blind (some might say stupid) optimism.
Those of you dipping your toes into the writing pool, it would seem you’re already doing something daring by most of society’s parameters. If you’re going to do that, then go right ahead and write what your heart/gut most desires. Why not, right?
Relatedly: What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
No related posts.
Get married. I think people have to be really brave or really stupid to get married. Since I grew up with divorce, I knew the risk. So, I think I was very brave.
“It’s why I persevere with my genre blurring, not quite one thing or another, “it’s great writing, but we don’t know what to do with it,” stories.”
Keep it up! I never met a genre line I didn’t throw a screaming fit at.
I think you could make a good argument for staying married too, dontcha think? Sometimes, that’s even harder than the getting married part.
Daring? Or challenging? I’ve done some crazy stuff in my life. I joined the army right out of high school and 14 years later, I’m still here, going strong in the army I love. Daring to try and raise 2 kids while staying in the army has been a challenge. Deciding to become a writer and trying to seek publication has been a huge risk for me because rejection is hard enough without putting yourself out into the world for all to see.
By far the most daring I’ve ever been is deciding to leave my kids in my mom’s capable hands and deploy to Iraq. It’s been full of ups and downs and swerves to the left and right but the risk – I hope – will be worth it in the long run.
Great post!
You are daring, brave, and one of my new personal heroes! Rock on and stay safe!
I love this post! What’s really funny is my husband and I think about moving–to Seattle or Berkeley–and we never do We even flew out and investigated neighborhoods! We’d leave behind friends, clients, family here in mpls. We still may…but…but… So this post is really and inspiration! Moving is really a brave thing to do! Good for you.
But… But…
Oh, I HEAR you! When the time’s right, you’ll know it, I think. It was certainly that way for us. We just knew.
Good Luck!
I moved to Chicago, in February, with one suitcase, leaving my whole life behind. This, after only knowing my husband-to-be (the Chicagoan) for a few months.
I’m not sure what was more daring– that you moved after only knowing your h-t-b for a few months, or that you moved to Chicago in February!
Go you!
Barbara — You’re going to love Seattle, and discover a great RWA chapter, full of wonderful, generous writers. Have a happy, smooth move.
Thanks, Lisa! We can’t wait!
Opened up a business. With nothing. We had to sell shares. And we had no income. With two kids and one on the way.
Looking back now? Scary as hell. Then? Anything to survive and blind faith that with hard work and determination we could do it.
And we did.
Seattle is going to be a better town with you in it, peach.
Oy. I remember us (or rather, the husband) starting his own business after leaving school behind, just a dissertation shy of his Ph.D. It does take a certain amount of blind crazy faith, doesn’t it? And while it wasn’t a success for him in terms of finances or providing a lasting career, it was a huge success for him in terms of a lot of life lessons.
*MWAH*
Great post, Barbara! I know you’ll love the Pacific Northwest and I hope you have a smooth and uneventful move.
The most daring thing I ever did was volunteer to spend several months in Sarajevo during the Balkan Conflict teaching college English courses to American military personnel.
I was a civilian, of course, but they put me in a uniform, complete with helmet and body armor, so I wouldn’t stand out in the crowd, and flew me out of Heidelberg, Germany on a C-130 military transport plane. I think I spent more hours in bomb shelters than I spent teaching, and I had a run-in with a horrible parasite while I was there that took me 6 months to get rid of–but that’s another story.
I was terrified–but it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I came home with a suitcase full of newfound confidence and a NATO medal to hang on my wall…not to mention plenty of new story ideas!
Holy cats, that is some kind of adventure! With or without the parasite (
) I just can’t even begin to fathom what you must have seen or experienced– as you said, lots and lots of story ideas!
I chucked my career, sold/gave away/tossed most everything I owned, and moved to Hawaii with a man I met on the internet. We’ve never been happier. Incidentally, we’ll be moving to Friday Harbor, WA just after the new year. If you haven’t visited San Juan Islands, in Puget Sounds yet, be sure to do so. You’ll love them.
Well then, that definitely qualifies as a daring adventure and even better, one with a happy ending!
We haven’t had the opportunity yet to go investigating much beyond Seattle, but once we’re moved and settled, one of the first orders of business is to start investigating. A whole new area of the country to learn– I can’t wait!
I chucked my career, sold/gave away/tossed most everything I owned, and moved to Hawaii with a man I met on the internet. We’ve never been happier. Incidentally, we’ll be moving to Friday Harbor, WA just after the new year. If you haven’t visited San Juan Islands, in Puget Sound yet, be sure to do so. You’ll love them.
I am sorry I posted that twice. When my browser froze I copied my comment, closed, reopened, pasted and sent, without checking to see if it had already posted until it was too late! I am amazed the time stamps are the same.
Daring: Facing the dating world head on after 6 years of a relationship that started amazing, and then went badly south. That’s courage.
Amen, it is, indeed. Now mind you, I did similar, way back when– I had a relationship that had started incredibly well, went incredibly bad, and that ended with a breakup note being left on my coffee table.
After that, I swore off dating, preferring the company of my cat and M&Ms. About a year later, I was set up on a blind date that was so blind, neither of us knew we were going on it (I went for the wings) and twenty years later, we’re still together.
Have faith and continued courage!
Welcome (soon) to the Pacific Northwest! Driving from New Jersey to Bellingham, Washington to go to graduate school is at the top of my “most daring” list. Quitting my corporate job to take a full time tech-writing job and publish my fiction is second.
Both moves sound incredibly daring to me– we’re facing the cross-country drive potentially in January or February, so I’ve been adding “rent all-wheel drive vehicle” to the list of Things to Do.
Go, you!!! I left a very well-paying career as a trial lawyer on the strength of one published nonfiction book and one fiction editor saying “I’d love to see your novel when you write it.” (Yes, I’ve been accused of ’suicidal optimism’)
I will never, ever regret one bit of it! And neither will you!
Heh, and here I thought your most daring move would have been marrying Navy Guy considering you swore you’d never, ever, never marry a military man.
But I think leaving the legal job is pretty much up there too. And look how well it’s worked out– I think I’m going to take a page from your suicidally optimistic book and just dive headfirst and Not Worry.
Yes, you may remind me I said that whenever you want.
Where would you like me to start?
Went to college for drama at 17. Yes, away from home.
At 20, after switching to costume design, moved to NYC with two suitcases.
In my early 30’s, moved with husband from east coast (which I’d never left) to Albuquerque (where I’d never been).
Had five sons.
And then there’s that writing thing. With which I support my husband, myself, and those sons still in residence.
In many ways I could have written that post, in that I don’t consider myself particularly adventurous, or brave, either. (Ditto on the motorcycles. And roller coasters. And flying off to Europe? Alone? Uh, no.) And although I do write category romance, which is about as genre specific as it gets, I’ve pretty much gone about my career by my own rules, too. (I may not be brave, but I am ornery.) So I know exactly where you’re coming from.
But when you asked, and I started making that list, I realized I’m a lot braver — or crazier — than I’d thought.
Huh.
I think it’s kind of like love and hate– there’s a realllllllly thin line between bravery and craziness.
And my dear, having read (and LOVED) your category romances, I can say without reservation, that even within the rules of genre romance, you break some rules, in the best ways possible!
I recently asked a friend to help me fix up my bio because I can’t think of anything interesting to say about myself – I wonder if it’s just a cultural thing? I don’t think of myself as daring either (roller coasters?
)
After college I moved from Louisiana to Ohio to go to graduate school and live in an apt I rented over the phone. I met my now husband there and eloped with him after 10 months – before my family met him. Five years later we moved from North Carolina to the United Arab Emirates – the first time I’d ever left the US. I’ve done a ton of traveling since then and now we live in Egypt.
It all sounds kind of exotic written down like that but my every day life is kind of boring – mom stuff, house work, writing. It just takes place in Cairo
Thanks for helping me change my perspective a bit. Great post!
Funny how moving yourself to the outside and looking in on your own life can really give you a different perspective, isn’t it? I find that so amazing about people– how we can adapt to things over the course of time that if you said to us or put it on paper, we’d automatically respond with, “Oh no, not ME! I can’t ever see myself doing anything like that!”
Oooh! I’ve only just checked in on Press, and followed the link to your article – great stuff, and food for thought!
Oh, it’s making me wince, though – because despite having done many interesting things, I know that I’m TOTALLY chickenshit. It’s just that the things that intimidate me aren’t always the things that intimidate other people. Acting in front of hundreds of people? Not intimidating. Going to the other side of the world for a year to live with strangers when I was seventeen? Not intimidating. Teaching a class, or giving presentations to large groups of parents? No worries. And the various other ridiculous adventures I’ve had in random bits of the globe – they make for great stories, but it’s definitely not a case of being brave, because I’m terribly, terribly chickenshit. I’m perversely shy and lacking in confidence in ways that people often don’t register, because they can get distracted by the shiny, and by the fact that I’m quite vocal and outgoing when it’s something I DO feel confident about.
I’m trying to think what’s the most daring thing I’ve ever done, and all I can think is that I’m a big fat coward. Um. Maybe finally telling a guy that I was in love with him? And had been for ages? That’s probably the bravest thing I can think of. (And, um, that didn’t work out all that well, to be honest.)
You are SO not chickenshit. At least, not to me!
But you said this:
And I realized that you and I, m’dear, are rather yin and yang because I’m EXACTLY the same way, but I suspect the things I’m perversely shy about are not in the same category as the things you’re perversely shy about, so we’d probably complement each beautifully in person and the world might just, y’know, implode or sumptin’.
And don’t kid yourself– telling someone you love them? Biggest, scariest thing ever. And if he didn’t fall at your feet in gratitude, then he’s a worthless git and not worthy of you.