You don’t get to be a blogging book reviewer for a while without learning a thing or two about what readers like and don’t like and absolutely throw-it-against-the-wall-screaming-hate. Blogging book reviewers, and there are many, are good listeners.
When you’re a good listener, people talk to you. A lot.
One of the misconceptions about Romance genre readers is that most of them loooove graphic sex scenes and those who don’t are religious prudes who hate sex.
Let’s address the first part of that assumption. While there are a lot of readers who enjoy novels with graphic sex scenes, there are many who don’t. You don’t hear from those who don’t that much because there are so few options for them in the New Release aisle. Authors and their associates, like agents and publishers and such, only make money on the sale of New Releases. Finding so few options in the New Releases, these readers head to the library and used bookstores instead where their numbers are not tracked. However, they are there and if you write, represent, or publish only novels with graphic sex scenes *they’re not spending their money on you.*
If you do put out novels without graphic sex scenes, you need to step up your marketing. A lot of these readers have given up and won’t know about you.
Now on to the second part of the assumption. There are actually many different reasons why some readers hate graphic sex scenes.
1) They hate sex. Please don’t hate them though. People hate sex for a variety of reasons, most of them tragic, like being molested as a child.
2) They’re religious. Don’t deride them for this one either. The reason behind this is they believe sex to be a sacred and private act between husband and wife.
3) Graphic sex scenes make them feel like they’re being forced to watch other people doing it and that grosses them out. They like sex, but they don’t like to watch other people doing it.
4) Graphic descriptions of naked body parts grosses them out. I’m in this camp. I’ve given birth a lot, you know, and nakedness just is not that romantic to me anymore.
5) They have vivid imaginations of their own and having sex graphically described to them ruins what they’ve already conjured up in their own heads. It jerks them out of a story they loved up to that point, which can be infuriating.
6) In real life, sex without foreplay is boring. Graphic sex scenes overwhelms their reading experience and reminds them of this real life factoid and, therefore, bores them. They want more and longer build-up of romantic tension before the couple shag like minks.
7) They’re fine with graphic scenes, but if it overwhelms the characterization and/or the plot, they’re going to hate it. They need a reason for sex, not just a place.
If there are more reasons, please let me know in the comments.
In my experience and observation, the more skilled the author, the more engrossing the story, the more vivid the characters, the more graphic the sex scenes can be and the reader will still love it even if she normally doesn’t like graphic sex scenes. This is rare skill, but definitely worth working towards. You’ll appeal to a wider audience.
Moral of the Story: Know and Respect Your Readership if You Want Them to Grow
This post was submitted by Kimber An.
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I prefer to write sex scenes that describe the actions a little, but describe the reactions a lot. In other words, I don’t like blow by blow descriptions. I’d rather write about how what’s going on makes the characters feel.
I think the emotional intimacy of such moments makes the reader want to cross the bedroom threshold. For the writer, describing the reactions advances the reader’s connections to the characters and allows the author a little more liberty with scenes outside the bedroom.
Great post!
Thanks, Mary Anne!
Regardless of the reader’s preferences, she will know if the writer is writing out of their comfort zone, most likely to sell the book, and she will hate it. Readers are busy and tired, but they’re smart and sensitive. So, if you feel confident, Mary Anne, then you’re probably write where you need to be.
I’m in the “make my own mind up” camp. I like love scenes – I even write them – but I definitely don’t like really graphic sex scenes. It throws me out of a book. I like to be able to “imagine” a scene not to have it explained to me in great, great detail thank you very much! BTW I recently downloaded some “free” books – deemed to be “mildly erotic love stories”. If they were marketed as “mild” then I can’t imagine what a full blown erotic love story would be like – pure porno in IMHO. Take care. Caroline x
I know Erotic Romance writers don’t like their stories to be called Porn. I already know I don’t like anything over a Sensual rating, so I don’t even go there. I’ll read Highly Sensual if the author has that rare skill I mentioned.
For writers, I think the key to building a fan base is to be consistent with the heat level.
I normally write sensual (I don’t refer to certain body parts but the bedroom door is open). For Selling Forever, the novella I wrote for my dear Mom, I kept the bedroom door closed. Readers were NOT happy.
I won’t do that again because although I write for myself, I publish for readers. I don’t want to sell them a book they’re unhappy with (why I have a personal guarantee on my books).
I like sex in the novels I read but the sex has to fit the story. Don’t have a sweet ladylike gal hollering the F word or a rough, tough man talking rainbows and flowers. Plus show me how the sex advances the plot or relationship (the building up of trust).
Excellent point about being consistant for your readers. They will come to count on you in this area. The ones with firm preferences do not like to be surprised.
Oh, the other issue I had with writing a story with the bedroom door shut was that I couldn’t market it as ’sweet.’ Why? Because I used cuss words.
Kimber An, do you prefer your sex scene free novels to also be cuss word free and violence free?
I really don’t care.
I think this policy comes from the assumption that all readers who hate graphic sex scenes are religious. And they’re not.
This leads to a frequent complaint from readers who hate graphic sex scenes. The only new books they can find to read are Inspirational or Young Adult. If they’re not Christians and haven’t been teenagers in a long time, where do they find good books to read?
The used bookstores and the libraries where most of the books have already been thoroughly screened for such things.
Our hostess recommended those of us who don’t offer erotica to step up our marketing, so…stop by and see if Embraces has what everyone is looking for.
I have some fairly graphic scenes in my own work, and have written mild erotic romance under the pen name Dymitia, but I confess I don’t see the charm in too much detail or sex for its own sake. That carries over into what I look for when I’m acquiring books for Embraces. Sex is part of the human condition but so are a lot of other things.
- Plus show me how the sex advances the plot or relationship (the building up of trust). -
As opposed to the simple build up of thrust, I take it.
Good listing of reasons, and God would I wish for authors to make a clearer distinction between romance and sex (novels).
“I wish for authors to make a clearer distinction between romance and sex”
This is very important for me too. I’ve been married a looong time, so I really know the difference.
Great sex will not keep a man faithful to you when you’re unable to do it for an extended time due to medical reasons. He’ll just jump the next set of perky boobs to bounce by. 
I love this article. I always say I write love scenes, not sex scenes, and there really is a difference. I am published in historical romance, and one of the comments I frequently get on my novels is that they are “passionate” or “sensual,” but if you actually go read page for page, you’ll find there is very few actual sex scenes. To me, lovemaking starts in the mind first–the buildup, the romance, the longing, the sexual tension–and that is what my readers are tuning into without realizing it. Without that, it just isn’t interesting to me. If I read a book that is just “wham, bam, thank you ma’am,” I’m either offended, or bored. Don’t get me wrong; the scenes I write are definitely for grown-ups, but they work to further the plot or explain something about the characters and they are absolutely necessary to the story for that reason. IMHO, if you can cut a sex scene out and the story stands, you don’t need it and it is gratuitous. Out it goes.
I would like to recommend an author friend who writes wonderful romances without sex scenes, but which are filled with humor and fine sexual tension (these are neither YA or Inspys). Trish Albright writes what she calls “romantic adventures,” and she manages to convey all the attraction between her hero and heroine while portraying only kisses. So, if you like a fun, grownup historical read without the sex scenes, try hers!
TJB
Just thought of two other wonderful authors who don’t use graphic sex scenes but have wonderful romances in their stories: Kimberly Frost and Deanna Raybourne. Both have implied, not graphic, on-camera lovemaking. You get what is going on, but it isn’t “in your face.”
Kimberly writes the Southern Witch series and Deanna writes the Lady Julia Gray Mysteries series. I’d call both “novel romantic elements” type books.
TJB
Shoot. That’s Deanna Raybourn (no “e”) and “novels WITH romantic elements.” Gotta learn to proofread better before I hit send.
I liked the comments about authors being consistent with their heat levels. I write sensual romance but my publisher put a very erotic cover on my third book. I know some of my readers didn’t buy it because they thought it was not my usual fare. And I have to believe some new readers bought thinking it was ‘hot’ and it disappointed them also. I admit as a reader to skipping over sex scenes quite often to get to the more interesting ‘after’ conversations.
Thanks for bringing up a related issue, Ms. Kelley. This is often true too. While turning off established readers, it can feel like ‘Bait & Switch’ to new ones. Readers, especially the ones in this group, rely on each other for recommendations. You might sell one book, but lose ten potential sales as a result. If you get stuck with a questionable cover, you’re going to need the help of your established readers to get the word out what’s really going in your book. Sometimes, this can really work to your advantage too. Several of Susan Grant’s readers were so annoyed with the cover of MOONSTRUCK looking like Romantic Suspense instead of Science Fiction Romance that we blogged about MOONSTRUCK more than we might have otherwise.
People also go through phases in their reading just as in their lives. Over the years I have gone from refusing to read anything with graphic sex scenes, or even with sex before marriage, to enjoying the former and not caring about the latter. I still have to have romance as the backdrop for the sex, but I don’t read ‘closed bedroom door’ stories any more.
I’d like to see something for everyone, and clear marketing, so that everyone knows what they’re buying.
>They need a reason for sex, not just a place.
Exactly. Nothing kills tension for me faster than a major sex scene early in the story. It makes it seem as though the hero and heroine don’t have to work that hard for their HEA.
The author’s job is to manipulate my emotions (thank you, Linnea Sinclair), and I crave that manipulation throughout the book. I enjoy graphic sex if it’s organic to the story. Otherwise, I can spot a titillation scene a mile away.
I’m mixed on this issue. There are times a graphic sex scene can be good, if it fits the story and the characters. I especialy do not like them when it is out of character. I am a Believer and do think that sex is for marriage, but I am realistic. I know that not everyone does this. I know I didn’t. If it fits and is done tastfully I am okay with it. I am working on a book now that will not have any acctual sex scenes. In flash back it will be implied. It is an adult book and we will all know what happened. I do not believe that it will be necessary to have anything graphic. In the present I highly doubt that there will be any sex scenes at least not untill the charachters are married. I am not even sure that they will be married at the end or if the marriage will be imlied. This is a part of a series that I am planing. I am not comfortable writing anything too graphic it feels like I am letting people see too much of myself and too much of what should be a private moment. My charachters are very real to me.
PS Please forgive any spelling of gramatical errors. I have just gotten off from work after working seven or eight days in a row. I can not remember which. All I know is that I am glad I have tomorrow off and my son will be at school.
What’d I tell ya?
Readers are busy and tired, but smart and sensitive. Any author or associate who disbelieves that does so to his or her own peril.
Thanks for your input, Heather!
I guilty of skipping over graphic sex scenes. I do almost feel like a voyeur and to be honest, I’m not reading the book for the sex, I’m reading the book for the plot. Has anyone noticed, or is it just me, that a lot of contemporary books these days are more graphic than they have been in the past?
I don’t mind sex scenes, but I don’t need them either and have read wonderful romances with no explicit sex at all.
For me, the important criteria is whether the sex scene fits the characters and the story. Sex can happen as early or as late in the novel as it needs to happen and I don’t care whether the characters are married or not. What matters to me is whether the sex scene advances the plot. If it doesn’t, it really has no place.
What annoys me are generic sex scenes, the sort you could cut from one romance, change the names and paste into another without anybody noticing. Sex scenes should be so specific that they can only happen to those particular characters in that particular situation. If I wanted interchangable sex scenes, I’d watch porn.
I don’t necessarily mind graphic sex scenes and will read all over the heat spectrum, but I prefer sex scenes that leave a little more to the imagination, because the more graphic a scene, the easier it is to be unintentionally hilarious or accidentally gross someone out. And since readers have very different preferences – e.g. I find a fairly common sexual practice offputting and hate reading about it, while practices considered more out there don’t bother me – being vague on the physical details is actually preferable.
Finally, I vastly prefer doing it to reading about it.
I think you make an interesting point about the dramatic differences in the market but also in reader’s tastes. I enjoy highly sensual stories but there has to be an emotional hit like you mentioned, otherwise, I’m just like, really? Tracy Wolff is one author of erotic romance that really packs an emotional hit but is highly sensual. A lot of other writing turns me off b/c the plot is so weak and I could care less about the characters, let alone where they are putting various body parts.
On the flip side, sweet doesn’t really do a lot for me, either b/c as someone stationed in Iraq and who is on active duty, sweet isn’t something I see a lot. So it’s not something that I can relate to.
I like something in the middle, with characters I can relate to. If I see a character that even if I can’t relate to him or her but can sympathize with then I’m hooked and the sex will not matter so long as the emotions match the characters.
For me, at the end of the day, it’s about the emotion and the characters, not the body parts, if that makes sense.
Great post!
I’m so with the opinion that sex just for the sake of it is a real put-off. Isn’t it like life? Casual sex with a complete stranger can be nice, but it’s the exception to the rule. The best sex in the world is a mind-meeting, and has little to do with bodies, as far as I’m concerned.
To me the heat level is less important than that whatever sex is or isn’t in the book must be right for the story and not out of character.
Where consistency with heat level is concerned, I get a little peeved when a novel is touted as erotica and has less sex in it than many hot romances I’ve read. I don’t mind if there’s little or no sex in a story, but then call it what it is. If you’re going to write erotica, it has to be just that.
Susan Wiggs does a fantastic job of writing without much sex on the page.
And then, there’s the broad definition of “graphic”. My books have ’sensual’ heat levels yet I’ve had someone tell me the book is erotica simply because the sex is on the page. I figure that the editors at Cerridwen Press would have told me my book belonged over at Ellora’s Cave had it come even close to erotica.
There’s a big difference between a sex on the page scene in an Ellora’s Cave book and one in a more traditional imprint. My characters earn their sex moments, but it’s on the page–and probably not until at least page 175 or 200.
And I think the lovemaking vocabulary is very different in erotica vs. non-erotica.
So far, the only people who have had any trouble with my sex scenes are my kids, who refuse to believe I could possibly know anything about that stuff. My mother doesn’t mind them.
“So far, the only people who have had any trouble with my sex scenes are my kids, who refuse to believe I could possibly know anything about that stuff. My mother doesn’t mind them.”
Mothers… lol…
I had a memorable experience at age twenty or so. My mom and I were in the kitchen each doing something mundane, when she asked me: “What’s a blow-job?”
I explained it to her in the most clinical terms possible. “Ah,” she said, and of course I got that askance look that asked how I knew that. These days, I shudder to think what she’d say if she knew some of the other terminology her daughter has become familiar with, mostly just theoretically though! She’s very sweet, but grew up on a farm and is in many ways still very innocent and naive.
Although some mother’s know more than we think or like to admit. My mother went to a lengire (is that right) shower once and the mother of the bride ( a retirered missonary) gave the bride the most risque stuff. The mothers responce was how else to you think we had five kids.
Heather, thanks for that, you gave me a good laugh now.
I like to write graphic scenes but I don’t care to read them very much. Here is why:
a) I have found that they are there to “be graphic sex scenes” and not to tell me much about the characters or how these graphic sex scenes reflect them or mold and shape their relationship.
b) They are happening earlier and earlier in stories. In my current WIP, the couple has known one another for years and has had that time for “endless mental foreplay” and yet still don’t share their first kiss until 1/3 of the way through and it’s a novella. They didn’t just meet and decide that was a great time to have incredibly mind-blowing sex and then see where the relationship took them.
c) There is rarely ANY sexual tension, which (in my opinion) in romance is where the most suspense comes in. If we all know there is an HEA for the characters, you must still build tension and conflict- EVEN WITH THE SEX. I think people would enjoy a graphic scene more if the build up was done better than I’ve been finding.
In other words, the graphic sex scene shouldn’t be there to just EXIST. It should DEFINITELY move the story along somehow. The reader should WANT to read the scene, no matter how graphic, not because it’s sex but because it’s affecting the story and the characters.
Of course, I’ve always personally viewed sex as an ART, not an ACT, and so I tend to approach my graphic scenes with this attitude and I’m told it works really well.
Excellent discussion!
My first book has sex scenes that grow the relationship and characters, and these scenes advance the plot.
But when I finished writing the sequel I realized I didn’t have a graphic sex scene in it (just a kiss here and a grope there). Sex is implied (at the end when they make their commitment to each other), but at that point I wanted to let the reader imagine their own brand of wonderful and wild intimacy . . . I think it’s more satisfying that way
My characters in the first book needed sex to develop/consummate the relationship — the heroine had an emotional barrier to climb over, and the sex helped her to do that. But the second book’s hero and heroine meet on a cerebral level . . . she is confident and secure in who she is, and they delight in each other’s intellectual curiosity . . . . the hero is experienced sexually, and he’s at the point in his life where he wants more than sex from a woman. Focusing on other aspects made the relationship deeper and, to me, more satisfying.
My characters tell me when and if they need sex. Some need it, and some do not.
I love this discussion too, Anna! I’m still unpublished so they give me a lot of information to contemplate on this blog!
Do you think, then, that with your first book you’ve given your readers a sense of expectation that is not consummated (no pun intended!) in the second book? Personally, sex between cerebral characters is my very favorite kind! When you said cerebral characters/no sex I was like WHAT?!?!?! It is with your more cerebral characters that sex tends to heighten from act to art.
I’m not saying you’re right or wrong, I’m just wanting to further the discussion!
PS- Yeah, sex with cerebral characters… don’t knock it! HA! Okay so maybe you can just write the scene for lil’ ol’ me? Hee Hee!
Manon,
I did worry about my second book disappointing on the heat level. I did manage to put in a hot scene that doesn’t include actual sex (how cerebral is that?).
But there’s no explicit sex between the characters.
I don’t think I write that graphic. I don’t shut the door, but the scene always has an emotional point with me.
With every intimate scene I write, something has to change for the characters, and I tend to focus on the moment of change.
Healing, redemption, forgiveness, acceptance, trust, validation, these are the things that get my mind going during those scenes, and I try to portray those common elements of humanity through love.
That’s hot.
I could care less about body parts.
Now I’ll read a spectrum from just a kiss, to bring on the chicken. (J/K)
I’ve found, I tend to be really critical of the more graphic scenes if I don’t see a point to them.
Very interesting post, and I agree with a lot of it. I think, though, that this statement is incorrect:
Authors and their associates, like agents and publishers and such, only make money on the sale of New Releases.
In fact, most publishers make money off backlist, not new releases. New releases can well lose money, but a backlist title that is still selling is almost all profit for the publisher and may still earn money for the author too.
Also, foreign rights also make money and quite often those foreign rights sales come long after a book is no longer a new release.
I did want to point out that out.
Also, the demise of the Traditional Regency does not fit the thesis; that publishers aren’t paying attention to the market for less graphic novels. You think that if there were a (more profitable) market for such books, the TR, which did feature sweeter and less graphic books, would not have simply vanished from the traditional print publisher lines.
The Trad Regency is making a very small comeback — there are two or three smaller publishers who are reprinting these books. (Sourcebooks, Bethancy House, Cerridwan Press come to mind).
I suspect a lot of people who don’t care for the graphic books may be turning to YA for their reading material. Wonderful stories, fine writing, not graphic.
But I do agree that in the current adult fiction market, hotter books prevail.