A few weeks back I attended the Washington Romance Writers retreat in Leesburg, Virginia. On Friday night, they held the editor/agent panel, but instead of the normal “what are you looking for and is the industry really in trouble†kind of questions, they asked some unusual, getting-to-know-the-editors-and-agents questions.
Not all of the questions had easy answers; they made us think. The question I thought the hardest was one that asked us about the most difficult thing we’ve had to deal with during the course of our jobs. My answer didn’t come to me immediately, so I was one of the last to answer because I struggled to think of the most difficult thing. But when it came to me, I knew it was the right answer.
Dealing with jealousy. I know it might be a surprising thing for an editor to say, but there it is. Being jealous is the proverbial elephant in the corner. Everyone has it and no one is happy to admit it or talk about it. I think if we’re all honest (and by all, I mean anyone reading this), we’ll all admit we each deal with jealousy within the publishing community. It’s hard for authors to see peers who started writing at the same time as them (or after them or before them) getting multiple book contracts from big publishers, hitting the bestseller lists, getting glowing reviews, fan mail and other accolades. For readers, maybe it’s jealousy over someone getting a copy of a coveted book early, being close to a favored author or having a large blog readership. I’d be willing to bet that even agents feel the sting of jealousy sometimes when their peers make an amazing sale, have a few authors who hit the NYTimes list or get a very nice advance. As for editors, well…
Why did I say jealousy was probably the most difficult thing I’d had to deal with? Rejecting authors is hard, but I recognize it as part of my job (and, okay, if I’m being honest it’s not always hard.) I’ve been fairly lucky in the course of editing not to have to deal with any major disagreements between me and an author. And though I’ve had some not-too-fun moments in the course of my executive editor duties, I can’t point to anything that was the most difficult. On the other hand, there have been times (okay, more than just a few) where I’ve found myself struggling mightily not to be jealous of other editors and publishers.
There are the small jealousies, like another Samhain editor saying they got an awesome submission in a genre I’ve been wishing to get a great submission in (ahem, space cowboys and futuristics, please). There are other small things that make me jealous. Like hearing people gush about the fabulousness of another editor’s work/personality/sparkling wit. Or seeing how eager authors are to meet and greet and pitch to other editors from larger publishers at conferences.
Then there are the larger jealousies. We’re a small press publisher, we don’t make a great big splash in the world of publishing, and I’m mostly okay with that. But there are times when I think, wow, I wish that was me…like at the RITAs last year, watching the ceremony and seeing the editors going up on stage with the authors. I thought that would be pretty cool, to be able to celebrate such a neat accomplishment with one of my authors. Sadly, unless things change in the RITA rules, it’s unlikely I’ll find myself up there, no matter how much I believe a book I edited could win it. Or the NY Times or USA Today Bestseller lists. I probably won’t see one of my books show up there either and well, yeah, that would be pretty darn cool as well.
Even so, why did I tell a room of authors—and now all of you—that I have jealousy? Because it’s okay to be jealous sometimes. I feel little pangs of it at random things, times I haven’t even mentioned here. And mostly I’m okay with that because I do believe a little jealousy never hurt anyone. It can drive us to be better, to get out there, work harder, set goals and achieve them. If I didn’t have that jealousy, I might not work as hard, be as passionate, put myself out there quite so often.
It’s the flip side of jealousy that we have to be careful of. That I have to be careful of. The one that tells us someone has already gotten to where we want to go so we might as well stop trying. Or that tells us that we’ll never get there so why not just give up now. The side of jealousy that says there’s always going to be someone better, more successful, wittier and more interesting so what’s the point? Ouch. No.
If we let it, jealousy can become the weight around our necks that drags us further from our goals, keeps us down, makes us forget why we’re involved with publishing…because we love it, it’s in our blood and because we really are good at it. And that we will keep getting better and growing bigger, as long as we don’t stop trying, as long as we let the jealousy work to our benefit, not damage our relationships with those we envy and instead drive us forward, rather than hold us back.
*The title comes from a line of the song “Hey Jealousy†by the Gin Blossoms. A song I have not been able to get out of my head since I decided to write my column on this topic.
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Oh, how I love anyone who can to admit to feeling jealousy!
More than that, I really love that jealousy doesn’t always have to be a negative emotion. That if you don’t let it get out of hand, and eat at you and spoil your friendships, you can subvert it and transform it into a positive force. A force that compels you to work better and strive harder in the search for excellence in your craft… and, yes, eventual publishing success.
Many thanks for this wonderful, thoughtful post, Angela.
Thanks, Portia, I’m glad it struck you right!
Ditto on what Portia says. We all have moments of jealousy, but when it eats at you, that’s when you need to deal with it.
Excellent and thought provoking.
You are right, btw, I wouldn’t have guessed that would be the hardest thing. I have to believe that this is a very individualized thing (the hardest part of the job, I mean). For someone else, jealousy or envy might not be an issue – but they might have a much harder time with some other part of the job.
But I admire you for having the cojones to admit this. Kudos.
Yep, of course this is a very individual thing. If it wasn’t, all the editors/agents on the panel would have answered this before I could!
The positive side of jealousy is that it can show us what we want and where we need to set our goals.
As long as we don’t let it eat us alive instead, which is, you know, bad.
Yes, jealousy eating you alive is almost as bad as zombies eating you alive. Both should be avoided at all costs.
I’m with Portia. I actually pay close attention to when I feel jealous–it’s an internal signal that something has to change. Most likely, I need to get off my dying tuckus and do something!
Of course, there are those times when I admit that my tuckus is cushy and comfy–and that I choose to not take that particular leap. Then it takes awhile to rise out of the petulance. And chocolate. It takes chocolate too.
Not all jealousy is going to be motivating, really. If only it could be we wouldn’t worry so much about feeling it.
Thanks for the great post! Yeah, it is out there. Just like any job, i would say. Though sometimes, I admit I am naive and when it smacks me in the face, can hurt. But I guess that just makes us all human.
Everyone feels it, even if they’re not admitting it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admitting it, it might be healthier than pretending it doesn’t happen at all.
I think it’s not only okay to admit to jealousy, it’s probably healthier in the long run if, as Portia said upthread, you can turn it into a positive. Or at the very least, recognize the root cause of it.
And you’re absolutely right, Angela, in how it can really drag an individual down– I’ve always said that I don’t suffer from professional jealousy, and I don’t, not of individuals, but OMG, some of the bigger things that leave me downright exasperated with a lovely shade of green overtop.
How I wish I had the desire to want to write in the genres that are so popular right now, but I don’t and no amount of wishing can change that. So it makes me work harder at what I am good at and hoping that at some point, the tide turns. However, I’d be a gigantic liar if some days, it wasn’t exhausting, toiling away out here in the hinterlands.
This column is a lovely summary of why I keep writing.
Great post Angela!
I feel jealously too, it’s a tough emotion and a hard one to admit. Kudos for that.
And there are so many e-pubbed authors and e-book editors who deserve a RITA. I think E-pubbeds put out just as good, sometimes if not better, than NY.
Great post!
You put your finger on resignation as one very bad result of jealousy run rampant. I think another danger is downplaying others’ accomplishments. Someone might think, “Oh, those authors win those awards just b/c they are with big presses, but they’re not really any good.” A cynical attitude like that, (which I have never heard from you or Samhain, I hasten to add) is bad for everyone.
(And I remember that terrific Gin Blossoms song and the untimely death of the lead singer.)
Great post, Angela. You addressed one of those issues that’s always lurking in the background but few people want to talk about it openly.
I think you always have to be aware of what kind of jealousy you have. There’s professional jealousy of ‘wow, she just got an awesome deal, I want that too’ that makes you work that much harder. That kind of jealousy is motivating.
But there’s another kind of jealousy, the toxic kind of jealousy where you hate someone who has achieved what you don’t have. That kind of jealousy is nonproductive and can not only eat you up inside, but can ruin your career.
I think we always have to be mindful not to let jealousy take us over. Someone out there is always going to get a better deal, land a better client, make more money, etc etc etc. Use what you can to motivate yourself to work harder, but don’t let it destroy you. You can’t be anyone other than who you are.
Great blog post Angie.
Interesting take on jealousy. While the feelings are to be expected, it’s what you do with them that differentiates you. Sure it’s hard to see others getting a contract, contest win, or some other accolade, but it’s also important to understand that negative emotions (and jealousy is negative in my opinion) use up energy better suited to working on your own goals. Also, having a strategy in place to deal with this inevitable emotion is important. I’ve found that congratulating people and expressing interest in their good news makes me feel better. After all, when it’s your turn, you’ll want others to share in your good news.
Yeah, I always find myself smiling and feeling much happier, despite the twinges, when I post or send a note of congratulation.
The trend of jealousy that always alarms me the most is the way sometimes it seems to turn from, “Oooh. She got that. I want that!” into, “Heeey, she got that. I deserve that. Instead of her.”
I don’t see jealousy as an inherently bad thing as long as I can be jealous of someone and still be happy for them. (And honestly happy for them, not fake-happy to them to their face while I secretly assemble voodoo dolls.)
I think that’s what bugs me most. I don’t think someone else’s long-term success precludes mine. And whenever I feel those twinges of jealousy, I just remind myself of that fact.
Wow, what an awesome post. One of the most devastating things about jealousy is that it stifles your own creativity. If you are overly involved with someone else’s career, you don’t have time to pay attention to your own.
Sigh…but sometimes we all have those black moments. It makes us human. Hopefully we learn to forgive ourselves for the thought and move on.
Thanks for bringing the subject out into the open. You rock.
Gia
Thank you for affirming that I am (somewhat) normal. I worry about my jealousy sometimes, even though it never stops me from working and I don’t let it overtake me. But it does devolve into a little schadenfreude sometimes, in that when the object of my jealousy gets a really crappy review (okay, this happened recently) that makes me smile.
Bad writer! When that happens, though, I recognize how ugly it is, turn away from that side of my jealousy and get to working harder. I will keep it strictly under control!
However… I do need to stop judging myself by others’ career paths and set my own, instead!
It takes both courage and a healthy helping of self-awareness to articulate this issue so clearly.
Seriously, it’s no wonder so many of us in the blogosphere want Angela to rule the universe
Excellent post, Angela, thank you.
I laughed my head off while reading your column because it’s a familiar issue in my line of work. I didn’t label it as jealousy, though. I called it envy. I don’t know if there’s a difference. Probably not.
I recognised envy/jealousy as a side effect of being competitive and wanting to give as well as receiving the best.
It’s part of a range of emotions that come with work including frustration, self-doubt, insecurity, arrogance, smugness, confidence, determination, sheer stubbornness/faith (especially when dealing with difficult writers or editors) and serenity.
Envy/jealousy has occasionally helped me to be motivated and to work harder.
Did my face go green with green whenever one of my (friendly) rivals landed an awesome script? Hell, yeah. Especially when it happens on a day I have a towering pile of scripts that ranges from average to what-were-you-thinking-wasting-your-and-my-time-sending-me-this? scripts.
Of course, I’m completely made-up whenever I get an awesome script. I don’t gloat because I know the others probably feel a twinge of envy. I don’t rub their face in it or do I take their snide jibes personally, because I have been there.
I think it’s normal–as long as we don’t let it consume our thoughts longer than necessary or that it doesn’t affect our ability to work as best as we can. That’s what I think, anyroad.
Go green with green? Blegh. Go green with envy.
Very smart post–I love the idea that jealousy can spur us on to work harder and be even more creative! Because since everyone has jealous moments (and anyone who says otherwise is fooling him or herself) we might as well use them to make us better.
Excellent post Angie!! I think (in fact I know) we all feel jealousy in some form or other, not matter in what area – I certainly do. The real thing is what we do with it. Do we recognized it, admit it, revel in it for a short while and then let it go, or do we deny it, yet at the same time allow it to take over and do some terrible damage.
If we let it – it can have a positive side. As others have pointed out, it can be the kick we need to try harder. Or we can look at our objects of jealousy and think “yea, I’d like to be there, but look at where I am – it’s not such a bad place”.
I LOVE that Gin Blossoms song. I have it on CD. Thanks for reminding me, Angie, I need to dig it out because it really suits the book I’m writing now.
I don’t mind saying that I’m jealous as hell of many of my writing friends, including Kathy Love, with whom you’ve edited me. But I’m also proud as hell of them, and in the end, that’s more important. I really value how they’re better at me in at certain skills. It teaches me a lot.
I think life’s too short to be jealous of people I don’t know. I’m glad there are people out there who are more successful than I am and better than I am. I love nothing more than reading a book that makes me wish I’d written it.
That said, I’ll happily scratch the eyes out of anyone who dates David Tennant instead of me…
I think everyone does feel some jealousy. When it comes to my writing, I usually try to focus on what I’m doing and not on what everyone else is doing. The thing I can really envious of is when I get rejected and then read something from a publisher that I just’ know’ isn’t as good as mine. LOL How dare they not see my novel was better! I use those emotions to work even faster.
Thank you, everyone, for the comments! I know not everyone views jealousy in the same way, but as someone said, it’s a human emotion and unlikely to be one we can escape.
And lol @azteclady. No one wants me to rule the universe, just ask my 4y/o
Wonderful post. Thanks for being so open and honest.
The one that tells us someone has already gotten to where we want to go so we might as well stop trying. Or that tells us that we’ll never get there so why not just give up now. The side of jealousy that says there’s always going to be someone better, more successful, wittier and more interesting so what’s the point? Ouch. No.
Interesting blog here. Very in depth about things one (I) don’t think about too hard or say out loud. Thanks for sharing! Keeps things in perspective.
I am deeply moved by this sentiment. I was having some guilt over my resent case of the green monster. I was beating myself up because of it. It seemed that several of my author friends who have started since I have or around the same time are making more headway. Was I not good enough, not trying hard enough? I use it as a motivator now, however, instead of a crutch to moan about woe is me. Sure, I’m not where they are, yet….
This is a beautiful post. I’m going to save it as a reminder when I’m feeling particularly green. I like the idea of turning the feeling into action – like this quote from EMMA by Jane Austen (after Emma had witnessed Jane Fairfax play and sing): “She did unfeignedly and unequivocally regret the inferiority of her own playing and singing. She did most heartily grieve over the idleness of her childhood; and sat down and practiced vigorously an hour and a half.”
Exceptional post, Angela.
I remind myself of how the Buddhists view negative emotions: They are natural phenomena, like waves of the sea.
The important thing is not to latch onto it but just watch it come and go.
Thanks for this.
I think for writers that when the green-eyed devil starts agrinning, we just have to take a deep breath and realize we’re writers because…we…write! And writing as well as we can write is something entirely within our own powers, not dependent on a single other person.