I’m typing this while waiting for my agent to ring to tell me what she thinks of my latest manuscript.
It would be safe to say I’m scared. This story was the most difficult one I’ve written since being a published author. My process, usually, when I write a book is to come up with a hook (in this case it was something like “Bridget Jones meets Tim Burton, har de harâ€), then develop the main character, and then launch off into the blank page and let the story evolve itself as I write. It’s a process that’s worked fine, more or less, for the past eleven novels.
But with this one, it didn’t work. For example, I started out writing in third person past tense, but that wasn’t working, so I rewrote, in first person past tense, and continued on that way for about 20,000 words, until I realised that actually I had to write in first person present tense for the story to make sense and the voice to sound authentic. But the voice and tense issue was just a blip in comparison with the character and plot issues. The heroine refused to reveal herself to me as I wrote. She flitted off in every direction and I had no clue why. Worse, I had very little sympathy for her. And because of that, I found myself being more interested in secondary characters, and developing their stories, and generally becoming more and more entangled in this rapidly ballooning, structureless plot.
I pushed through it. It hurt, but I did. I discovered the heroine’s true motivation about the time I was writing chapter nineteen, and immediately liked her a whole lot better. I agonised about every sub-plot and secondary character. I rewrote the first chapter something like seven times, and changed almost everything about the first third of the book.
I complained to my friends, family and agent that this book SUCKED and I’m pretty sure that I drove all of them crazy, though they would never let me know that as they are all saints, every one.
Anyway, now that I’m nearly through the process (I hope), I can look back and try to figure out why this book was so hard to write. Why I was so scared most of the time, and why my usual process didn’t work. Along with saint-like friends and family and agent, I am also blessed with a goddess among editors, and recently she said to me, “I’d be worried if you weren’t having problems at this point, quite frankly. It’s good to be scared, it means you’re at a crossroads, and you’re growing.â€
It’s got me thinking about the other times in my writing career that I’ve been frightened and felt inadequate. For example, when I kept on getting rejected and knew I had to take a long, hard look at my stories if I was going to get published. When I got those first revisions from a real, live editor and knew I had to do them right or else my chance would be gone. When I made the move from category to single-title novels and couldn’t figure out how to fill up the extra 40,000 words. Every one of those times scared me poopless, and though I absolutely completely utterly HATE BEING SCARED, I can see, with hindsight, that I was right to be scared.
And that being scared is a good thing. Really. It is.
Now if only my agent would ring.
No related posts.
Julie, I feel your pain. I always figure I’m scared because it matters so damn much to me.
Great post! I’m feeling the pressure too. I’m combating it by being hyper-vigilant with my outlines, but I know I’m going to have a book like this at some point. In fact I’m scared of my next project. I feel like it is too big for me. I feel like if I don’t hurry, I’ll be behind the curve on it, and won’t be able to fit it into the rotation. But I have to do research, and that scares me.
How do we write at all?
Jess
Julie,
My sympathy. ‘I feel your pain.’ I’m sure each of my projects suck. I try to tell myself it’s because writers feel so much, we are sensitive people. I agree with Jess – Why do we do it?
Good luck with this book.
Allison
Empathy, definitely. [nod] I love trying new things, different kinds and lengths of stories, different kinds of challenges. It’s fun, and it’s awesome when I’ve got the finished piece to stare at, but the process can be a killer and waiting for the first comments to come in is, I’m sure, very bad for my blood pressure.
Hang in there, and I hope your agent loves it.
Angie
Interesting about the POV/tense. I’ve always written third person past, but when I decided to dabble in a mystery short story, the lead character insisted it be told in 1st person. I don’t normally like present tense, but one of my first published short stories was in third person present.
You gotta listen to the characters, I think. Good luck!
Being scared IS a great thing.
A buddy always reminds me
‘If you’re not living on the edge,
you’re taking up too much space.’
Ya gotta push that edge.
I have a scary moment coming up in February.
My February release, Invisible, is revealing a normally hidden part of my soul.
It is emotional and raw and real.
Breach Of Trust, my first novel, was ’safe.’
Invisible is not.
So yeah, I’m scared.
[...] got a post up today on Romancing the Blog, written yesterday morning, while I was sitting at my desk biting my nails and waiting for my agent [...]
Thanks for sharing. The time between sending off that new manuscript and getting a first response is nerve-wracking. If you aren’t scared (or at least excited), you might want to check your pulse.
Donna, I completely agree. We’re scared because it matters. Writing is by far the scariest job I’ve ever had…except for being a parent, which is way scarier.
Jess, yes! I think feeling a project is too big for you is a really good thing. But it’s hard to tackle something like that when you feel pressed for time. Good luck with it…I bet once you start the research, you’ll be caught up and forget the fear. Hopefully!
I feel for you. I’ve had several heroines who have pulled that stunt with me over the years. Wow, switching from third to first pov. You’re brave. Keep your chin up. If this story took this much then it’s got to be good.
Keeping fingers crossed that your agent loves it!
Allison, the idea is (I think) that we think our projects suck and then, eventually when they’re done, we can see what we really have achieved. My critique partners tell me that is part of my process, but I don’t like it much. Self-doubt is horrible. Agh!
Angie, yeah. Trying new things is brilliant for stretching your creative muscles but…yikes! Thanks for the good luck wishes.
Terry, I’ve never done present tense either. But you’re right, the characters do tell you. In this case, the story just wouldn’t be believable told in retrospect, because the character changes so much over the course of the book. I actually love playing with person and tense, because the rules of what you can do are so different in each one. Good luck with your mystery story!
Kimber…yeah. That’s another scary thing…when the book reveals too much of you. That’s so brave of you to get that out there and ultimately, you’ve got to be proud of that. I hope it’s a brilliant success for you.
I know, Jill, it’s always scary. I’m very lucky in that my agent is *fast*. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid–I’d just as soon get it over with!
Judith, thanks for the good luck wishes. I do feel that I because this story was so difficult to get right the first time, I have thought it through really carefully, and paid more attention to the things that I normally just let happen by themselves. Hopefully it’s all right. But after so much work, I also have no objectivity whatsoever!
What can we do to these annoying heroines, huh???
I’m very lucky in that my agent is *fast*. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid
Lol. I hope it goes great. Conquering your fear the other times led to bigger & better, right?
I agree, being scared is well “scary” but also great motivation for great writing. I’m hearing a lot of fear in the writing world lately. If we can harness that fear into something productive, I believe it can be good for us. Great post!
For example, I started out writing in third person past tense, but that wasn’t working, so I rewrote, in first person past tense, and continued on that way for about 20,000 words, until I realised that actually I had to write in first person present tense for the story to make sense and the voice to sound authentic.
I JUST went through this same thing on a new manuscript (literally the exact same progression in POV and tense shifts) and I think this uncertainty feeling is because I was venturing into a new type of story I’d never written before. Like you, I discovered that the story needed to be told in first person present and the character really clicked much better after that. Good luck!
Conquering your fear the other times led to bigger & better, right?
Well, I don’t know that the fear has ever been conquered, Jess. It just sort of moves to a new place. But the fear has helped my career move forward, so I guess I can’t knock it too much.
I’m hearing a lot of fear in the writing world lately. If we can harness that fear into something productive, I believe it can be good for us.
Nancy, I like the way you think. That’s inspiring, thank you.
Patrice, you make me feel less insane about the POV/tense switch. It’s such a basic thing, but it can be hard to get right the first time. Good luck with your new story!
Hi Julie – great post – feeling our feelings is so difficult yet so much part of being the humans we are. Where I get into trouble is honoring them – like they’re true or mean something. A good way to think about them for me is they’re left over from our cavewoman days when it was necessary to feel fear. Mostly today, there’s no need but they persist. I just heard a great interview on Charlie Rose of the man who wrote Outliers, The Story of Success. He said it takes 1000 times doing something to make it to real success. I’m not sure if that means 1000 hours, 1000 days or books! But it gave me a better perspective on being a master. Merry Holidays – Lynn