The other day, a writing friend and I were talking about our favorite things to write. He said: “bittersweet endings.” I said: “longing.”
Any guess who writes the romance? 
Of course, longing doesn’t have to be of the romantic variety, and in my books, it isn’t always — sometimes the characters are longing for an impossible goal, or a life long lost, or a dream deferred. Sometimes, however, they are longing for that special person they just can’t have — the one that embodies all of those other things.
In this line of work, conversations often turn to the idea of the perfect romantic moment, which are always as varied as the perfect romantic partner. Some folks like the classic hearts and flowers approach: give them roses, chocolates in a heart shaped box, a gauzy curtain… the works. Others go for the adrenaline: the swordfight that ends in a kiss, the hero who takes the heroine in his arms then swings them across the moat/jungle/Death Star to safety. Then there’s the quiet moment that speaks volumes: the lady notices the man playing with her baby, or hiding her handkerchief, or watches her across the room as she plays the pianoforte. And of course, the publicly humiliating declaration, which is a standard romantic comedy trope in Hollywood. (Gotta admit, I, personally, rarely see the romance in that one, though I’m bonkers about the privately humiliating declaration. When Col. Wentworth puts it all on the line in his letter to Anne Elliot, I cry. Every. Time.)
Talking with my friends about a story we all agree is the height of romantic often results in an argument — we each love the story, and swoon over the romance, but we can’t seem to agree what made it so very romantic. Is it the cute meet? Is it how adorable the hero is? Is it that scene where they banter (raises hand!), or the one where they kiss? Is it when they are torn apart? Is it when they get back together? Even we lovers or romance have our own ideas of what is the most romantic part.
I sometimes wonder what this preference says about us. Are those of us who favor the moment the lovers are torn apart secret drama queens, while those of us who prefer the quiet moments of domestic happiness all about the comfort? Are you a sucker for the scene where John Cusack holds up the boom box, or do you think only a stalker would be noise polluting the neighborhood at dawn? Do you hold a soft spot in your heart for the press conference where Julia Roberts admits her love for Hugh Grant? Can you listen to “As Time Goes By” with equanimity?
What’s your favorite romantic moment, or favorite kind of romantic moment?
No related posts.
I’m going to go with another Richard Curtis film, Diana– Love Actually– that one is full of so many romantic moments that I love, but I think my two favorites are when Mark shows up at Juliette’s door with the placards declaring that he’s going to love her until she looks like a withered old mummy (but not without the expectation that he’ll eventually fall in love with someone else), and the second one is the dramatic kiss between Natalie and the Prime Minister– more public than I usually like but it was still so sweet and heartfelt.
Oh, and one other one– in the film adaptation of The Jane Austen Book Club, when Emily Blunt’s character, Prudie, asks her husband to read Persuasion.
There are so many, actually– I could just go on and on and on.
[...] For a more coherent (hopefully) post by me, check out today’s Romancing the Blog. [...]
Oh, yes, absolutely it’s personal preferance based on personality and previous experience. *So, you know, authors really should not feel bad if a reader doesn’t ‘get it.’*
I grew up without a dad. As a consequence, the most romantic moments in my life involve my husband being a great dad to my children. The moment he first holds a baby following a birth. The time he held our firstborn, weeping and shaking because she was sick, and he ran out in the middle of the night to get her medicine. I feel more romantic and more sexy after each new addition to our family!
P.S. I’m feeling reeeeally romantic right now, because I just found out I’m pregnant. Again!
Oh, I love that placard scene too. I think, aside from it’s plot element of permanently unrequited love (as well as a recognition that that’s okay, which is cool and unusual in a romantic comedy), it shared thematic elements to John’s boombox, so of course I loved it.
And the Persuasion bit — well, it’s Persuasion, and also Marc Blucas, so what’s not to like?
You are right on the mark about longing as the most important factor in a romance story. I came of age in the mid-1960s, before birth control was widely available, and longing–that aching–was an everyday part of my teenage years. Somehow, it made romance more magical.
John Cusack all the way.
I’m someone who is more moved visually than with words, so longing looks in films generally make me melt in my seat. (Examples: Maria and Captain von Trapp staring into each other’s eyes as they dance and Mr. Darcy looking so lovestruck as Elizabeth plays the piano.)
In books it’s a little harder to pinpoint. I think I like climaxes, where love is declared, or rather, I love the delicious tension RIGHT BEFORE love is declared. Gilbert’s (2nd) proposal in Anne of the Island remains my top romantic scene of all time. Followed by Rochester’s (1st) proposal (heh) where he asks Jane to go through the world as his “second self.” I also really love the climax of Gail Carson Levine’s Ella Enchanted. (Austen, in writing, is alas less romantic than her film adaptations.)
Oh, oh, big congrats Kimber An!
I love babies!
About romance,
I like the quiet sacrifices.
Like on Saturday,
the hubby passed up
a sporting event with the boys
so he could attend
my first EVER book signing.
He stood outside in the snow
for two hours,
hollering “Book signing, local author”
at complete strangers.
THAT is a hero.
I prefer understated and meaningful, caring moments rather than the wham-bang-stars-and-fireworks romance.
My number one favourite romantic moment is in the Bridget Jones’s Diary movie. It happens just after Bridget and Darcy both have to sit through this awful dinner with some smug married couples.
At the end of the dinner, Bridget goes to put on her coat, feeling depressed, with her self-esteem shot to the pits. Then Darcy comes up to her and says: “I like you just the way you are.”
I fell in love with Colin Firth on that one line.
I’m a sucker for the long-delayed resolutions—the ones where it’s the very end of the novel (or movie) before the romantic tension that’s been mounting between them for the entire book is resolved. Stories where years’ worth of tragedy and separation have contrived to keep them apart (think Persuasion or O, Pioneers). When they finally kiss, just at the very end, it’s all the more sweet and poignant to me.
Thank you, Kimber Chin!
Yes, you’ve got yourself a real hero too.
We are so blessed.
Congrats Kimber An. Babies are a blessing and good man is essentional in the journey of life.
My favorite romantic moments are always the quiet, intimate encounter. The one that neither expects or is looking for. The gentle brush of a hand on the small of the back as he opens the door. I love the little moments that mean so much. I am such a sucker for romance. LOL
One of my favorite romantic moments wasn’t in a romance at all.
It was at the end of the Return of the King (directors cut) where Aragorn has been crowned King and the elves arrive. Since he saw lies sent to him by Sauron in the palantir, he believes Arwen is dead. Then she comes out from behind the banner. His look of disbelief and then the way he flies to her and plants one of the hottest cinema kisses ever on her, just gets me. I LOVE it.
For me, the best romantic moment is intrinsic to each story. So the quiet look that works in one (Kathleen Woodiwiss’s A Rose in Winter: “Mark well, sweet Eirenne, the ball is over.”) can’t be compared to the dramatic declaration (“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”). So I guess the best romantic moment isn’t personal to ME, it’s personal to the characters.
Amanda Quick’s declarations from heroines get me. They are usually so angry they can’t see straight, and end a diatribe “Because I love you, you idiot!” or something like that. The hero is left with his jaw hanging open, and for the rest of the day/night his heart is singing. Love it.
I like some big,sweeping romantic scenes in movies–like Harrison Ford kissing Kelly McGillis in Witness (and their dance to “Don’t Know Much…”). This might sound odd, but I like it when John Cusack burns down the hotel in 1408, willing to sacrifice himself to save his estranged wife.
In real life, anytime my husband and I have a real conversation that doesn’t have to do with daily logistics is romantic. Any time we face a challenge together is romantic. Oddly enough, the 4 days I spent in the ICU after our 3rd child was born was romantic–because we were in another city, he stayed with me the whole time, and the intensity of the situation amplified our conversation and our emotions. And the most romantic time in our marriage was our first pregnancy. It was so new and exciting.
Congratulations, Kimber An! I am so thrilled for you! What a great Christmas gift!
For me it’s always the scene where the hero/heroine does something or says something that shows they know the other person or are more aware of them than anyone else.
Oh and In Bridget Jones I just love the scene where Bridget’s friends are arriving for the blue soup dinner party and Mark Darcy Straightens his tie. I just love that he is so confident and in control normally but he’s nervous about her friends and wants to make a good impression.
I’d forgotten my favorite romantic moment of all time–when Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed end up kissing passionately over the phone in “It’s A Wonderful Life.” It’s passionate and raw–but between normal people who are going to have a normal life. I like the final scene in A Christmas Story for the same reason. Married people with a regular life and squirrelly little kids enjoying the snow and a teeny bit of peace and quiet.
Francesca took mine! I love the kiss in Return of the King. Of course, the look on Elrond’s face had me balling.
Of course, the most romantic part in the books was, to me, the Eowyn and Faramir stuff which got mostly cut.
Oh, and one of the most romantic speeches I think I’ve ever read was from Dag in Beguilement by Lois McMaster Bujold:
“For the courage of her heart, which I saw face down the greatest horrors I know without breaking. For the high and hungry intelligence of her mind, which never stops asking questions, nor thinking about the answers. For the spark of her spirit, which could teach bonfires how to burn.…All this is set beside me, and you ask me instead if I want dirt? I do not understand farmers.â€
Moth,
Much (but not all) of the Faramir/Eowyn romance is played out in the directors cut of Return of the King. I like the directors cut/extended version SO much better than the theatrical release. In the DC you know WHY Aragorn plants that kiss on Arwen. You see the Voice of Sauron present Aragorn and Gandalf with the mithril armor so you know they think Frodo is dead, etc. Of course, it’s half an hour to forty-five minutes longer! Watching all three (in the extended versions) is an ALL day commitment.