Have you heard the one about the young woman who decided to auction off her virginity to fund her master’s studies in marriage and family counseling?
It’s not a joke, actually, and “Natalie Dylan” (as she’s calling herself for the duration of the stunt) isn’t the pioneer you might think. Dig past the recent entries in the Great Big Book of Google and you’ll find several such stories, though Nat’s aggressive marketing strategy promises to rake in the highest profit to date. This situation has led me to ponder many things, such as:
- Who wants marriage and family counseling from someone who prostitutes herself with international news coverage of the event? Silly question. The same people who’d buy a parenting book from Lynne Spears.
- What’s the point of using an alias when pictures of your face and nearly naked body are all over the internet, television, and print media? It’s like she attended a Clark Kent seminar on identity concealment.
- Where are the bidders coming up with all this money (the bidding is allegedly at $250,000 at the time of this writing)? Imagine that meeting with the loan officer. “Yes, I’d like to take out a second mortgage on my home so I can purchase one-time use of a virgin.”
As I pondered (and my RTB deadline loomed), my thoughts came around to the sort of sexual history I’m willing to tolerate in a romance novel heroine. The range is fairly broad.
Some readers cannot abide the virgin heroine, but I made it into my twenties intact, so to speak, and therefore don’t find a lack of sexual experience unrealistic even in a contemporary—although, if the heroine gets past puberty without figuring out independently how the buttons work, I do wonder a little about her awareness level.
Some readers can’t stomach a heroine who’s had sex, but never good sex—until the hero waves his magic wand and presto! Instant multiple orgasms ensue. I don’t find that unrealistic because many women have unsatisfying sexual relationships. Okay, maybe the magic wand thing is a bit farfetched, but aren’t we told from the first birds-and-bees talk that it’s special when you’re in love? You just can’t sell me on an HEA if the sex remains lousy, so by all means, bring on the magic.
And then there’s the heroine who’s had a great sex life before the hero came along, but she still can’t win because some readers think she’s too promiscuous. I say, good for her. May she blow the hero’s mind with her unabashed boldness.
This, however, is as far as I’m willing to accompany a romance heroine. I read what was marketed as a romance novel a while back in which the heroine had relationships with two men. I could accept that because they were relationships—she cared about each of them and couldn’t choose one over the other. When she picked up a third guy in a bar, I thought, “Ah, she’s going to get him alone and torture information out of him.” Except she didn’t torture him at all when she got him alone. At that point, the heroine became little more than an ambulatory vagina, and I stopped reading. Limit reached. My real-life standards about indiscriminate sex with strangers are evidently too strong to be suspended for a book’s benefit.
Had the book been marketed as UF (where I strongly feel it belonged), I may have reacted differently, but when ”ROMANCE” is printed on the spine, I have certain expectations, one being that the journey toward true love does not include humping every available protuberance encountered along the way. Similarly, I couldn’t read a romance novel about a heroine who voluntarily exchanged sex for money, launching a publicity campaign to glamorize an activity in which most women involved are exploited, abused, and in many cases literally enslaved, giggling all the while about how clever and progressive she is. She might make an interesting character study in aberrant behavior, but I sure don’t want to see her ride off into the sunset with Mr. Wonderful.
Where are your lines drawn when it comes to heroinely virtue or lack thereof, and do you find they vary between romance and other genres?
No related posts.
First, about “Ms. Dylan.” Did she not think about all the creeps that would come out of the woodwork for this sort of thing? There are some nuts–and some very dangerous ones, at that–who really have some fascinations with virginity.
As far as heroines go, like you, I am not very interested in heroines who are promiscuous, and sleep with everything that moves. My other pet peeve is heroines who get involved with married men, and then get their HEA with that man. That storyline can be part of their character arc, but I don’t like it if that kind of behavior is supported and rewarded. I’ve only seen this in one book, and I didn’t finish it. (Oh, and Jane Eyre doesn’t count, because she’s conflicted, doesn’t have sex with him, and the poor woman dies before they marry.).
Leah, the whole auction thing is so ridiculous. She says she’s looking for a nice guy—because so many of those pay for sex and will go to a brothel in Nevada to do so—in addition to the million dollars she expects to receive for the privilege.
And I had the “married man” problem with Sex and the City. There’s little likelihood that H will really be EA in that situation because there’s sure to be another “other woman” in a year or two…
I’m old-fashioned in that when I read a Romance novel I expect it to be about LOVE.
Pushing forty and happily married with children many years now, I know what love is. I know what it takes to get it and keep it. So, I can handle just about anything up until the Heroine falls in love. After that, she’d better *mature* into someone who is capable of making a longtime monogomous love relationship work or I’m pitching that book. 
Was the book you read Kari Arthur’s Full Moon Rising? I recall a lot of buzz about her books, then I read one that sounds exactly what you describe. I have never read another in that series.
It’s interesting to ponder the differences between what we will and won’t tolerate in heroines versus heroes.
Great post!
Er, authors don’t always have any say in what genre the book is marketed as. Just saying.
The fund raising thing, um, I would think that would present an ethical issue come graduation time. Institutions of higher learning are funny that way. So are the bodies that govern professional conduct in areas like, oh, counseling. Not to mention what she’s proposing is illegal, except possibly in Nevada. I find it hard to believe this is a real student serious about a professional future. Sounds much more like a publicity stunt.
I know the publisher decides what genre to print on the spine, and the bookseller shelves it wherever they think it will sell the best. It’s an ongoing misrepresentation issue that anything with sex in it is a romance novel, which most romance readers just don’t agree with.
And the auction is being sponsored by the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, where the, uh, consummation will also be taking place. Ebay apparently declined to host it…
I’ve watched the interviews with the young woman, and I think it’s terribly sad that she sees her virginity as a ‘commodity’ to be sold.
OK, I have to ask- if you made it into your twenties with your virginity, did you then give it up within a week of meeting the guy? That’s what bugs me- she is over 25, and yet she gives it up to a near stranger. What the hell makes this guy the one she decided to give it up for? Sure, its a romance, but why this guy, who has yet to impress me in ways that no other man has.
I prefer my h/h have the same amount of experience. I tend to believe that these virgins and orgasm virgins are “in love” with the hero simply because, hey, this guy gave me an orgasm, and I like those, and I must like him, too.
Funny, I think I’ve read one (or possibly multiple) historical romances with this exact theme. Though the heroine is never selling her virginity for the sake of college, but usually to save her family from poverty and prison, or something to that effect.
Personally, I can forgive an awful lot in a heroine–people have pastsa nd make choices that raise eyebrows. That doesn’t make them less worthy of love. I’ve read a couple of more “chick-lit” type romances where the heroines sleep with multiple partners before finally realizing which guy she’s falling in love with. That didn’t bother me at all…Even sleeping around/”infidelity” while already dating the hero can be ok, if plotted and written well, and properly motivated. But the story has to make sense and the sex has to have a point in the story.
As for the RL auction gal…Well, to each her own.
Jessica said: It’s interesting to ponder the differences between what we will and won’t tolerate in heroines versus heroes.
As someone who grew up in the rapidly changing sexual times of the 60s, I’m interested in reading books written by the ‘younger’ set to see how they handle the sexual aspects of the stories.
When I was in jr high and high school, it was called the ‘double standard’– where guys were supposed to be experienced but any gal who helped them gain that experience was a slut.
And then “Make Peace Not War” and the Pill hit, and everything changed.
I can’t project me at 20 or 30 into my heroines who are that age today and feel confident I’m getting it “right.”
I do know I don’t like heroines to pop in and out of bed with the men they meet if I’m reading a romance. And, given I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 4 decades, I don’t accept infidelity in either hero or heroine–not without an exploration of the causes and results.
I’m reading Linda Howard’s Smoke Screen now, and although its focus is on the mystery, the behavior of the leads seems realistic and acceptable.
Kelly – what an intriguing blog – I must admit I had not heard of this Natalie Dylan. I was just talking about this the other day with friends. Between reality tv and the internet we’ve reverted back to the days of the Roman Forum, where people being eaten by lions was entertainment. But I digress…
IMO, our Heroines shouldn’t be held to different standards then our Heroes and that includes work, family, love and sex. I’m pretty open about what I’ll tolerate from my heroine – AND, however, it better further the plot or I’m out of there. If her actions don’t contribute to the story line, or give us deeper insight into her character than everything falls apart and as a reader I’m just not that into it.
I haven’t heard of this virginity auction. I thought that kind of thing only happened in historical romance novels!
I’m pretty open-minded about heroines, and I tend to have the same standards for heroes. They can be virgins or men/women of experience, but I expect them to be faithful after falling in love.
Yeah, infidelity is the one thing I can’t take either.
I hadn’t heard about this one. If it weren’t really happening, it could make a great plot.
Heroine starts out with this idea which (1) friends try to talk her out of or (2) friends support. She tries to keep it secret but then someone blows her cover. She keeps the alias but yeah, her pics are out there and response has been way more than anticipated. After all, she thinks she’s a pretty great gal but is her virginity really worth that much monetarily?
She has to figure out a way to pick the guy because (1) the guy who appears to be winning the bidding war is a bit of a creep; (2) a lot of weirdos have come of out of the woodwork; or (3) this is just turning out to be a really bad idea. I mean there is such a thing as student loans!
Meanwhile, she (1) meets a guy or (2) already has a guy friend who doesn’t treat her like the piece of meat she’s presenting herself as. She feels about this guy like she’s never felt about any guy. They fall in love. Now what does she do? Can she withdraw her “services” without being sued? Should she go through with it? If she does, will the guy she loves still be interested in her?
It reminds me of that movie (name escapes me) with Demi Moore and Robert Redford where she’s willing to sleep with him for $1M even though she’s committed to someone else. I couldn’t stomach watching it and I probably wouldn’t read the book. But I’d bet many others would.
Virgin widows. *THUMP* goes the book.
And I often find I have issues with the mysterious virginity of some heroines in contemps (she made it all the way though college, dating “Mr. Wrongâ€, an engagement, etc. and she’s never had sex? She’d better be DEEPLY religious; as in “this book is an Inspieâ€).
Great topic, Kerry! I admit I roll my eyes at the virgin’s multiple orgasm “first time” as I remember my own first time much differently… lol
I don’t cheer for a heroine who is shagging two or more at a time, either. Dating, I’m fine with. I get how a girl can be confused as to whom she loves. But to sleep with anyone who seems the slightest bit interested just annoys me.
I’ll have you know, I laughed so hard at your “humping every available protuberance” that I nearly spit chocolate milkshake all over my laptop. I would have sent you the bill, too.
The hubby was (and still is) my one and only. Why? Because I saw how my father used sex as a weapon against my mom. No way was that happening to me.
I wasn’t waiting for marriage necessarily, I was waiting for someone I could trust. It takes a lot of faith to let someone physically larger (usually) inside you.
I have buddies who are almost 40 (almost!!) and haven’t had sex. Same reason. Trust isn’t so easy for some people.
Hmmm… well, the auction girl – I don’t know what to say. A lot of girls spend years being a stripper (supposedly ONLY a stripper) to fund their education and where I live while that’s not necessarily admirable it’s not awful. Instead of years of doing that she’s having sex with one man. I have a lot of friends who got their drunk goggles on and slept with a creep for free – might as well get paid for it, right? *sigh* I’m not sure what I feel about that.
As for what I’ll tolerate from a heroine… I guess I don’t really care about their sex life before from either male or female. I’ve been in relationships with 1) a guy who was a virgin before me, 2) a guy who’d slept with MANY women and 3) a guy who’d slept with 4 women… In all cases, it didn’t REALLY matter as long as they used protection and had no STD’s. I feel like that for men in the books and in contemporary for the women.
But what does bother me is if they don’t have a good reason for their previous sexual experiences. The guy is a virgin “just because” or the women had that much sex “just because”. I want a good & VALID reason. The guy was a genius and went through all his schooling 5 years younger than his peers and then got holed up in a lab after that and never knew how to relate to women. The woman had horrible “daddy” issues and felt unloved and went to find love in the arms of a stranger only to find them gone with no number after sex… You know – reasons that are valid to the day and age in which the book is written.
But I agree with everyone else – I cannot stand adultery in ANY book. I don’t care if it’s a HORRIBLE marriage or even if there are beatings going on. I can’t believe in a long term monogamous relationship with someone who doesn’t respect what marriage represents.
I saw my gynecologist not that long ago, and he never mentioned there being a price tag on my cervix.
I think it’s a dangerous thing to base a woman’s worth on what’s between her legs. In my opinion, abstinence campaigns can be just as damaging to young women as Disney starlets who booze it up.
Give me a character who’s well-rounded, well-written, and has a real emotional value to her, and I could care less who she sleeps with. It’s only when she becomes a willingly benign hole in a mattress that I roll my eyes and shut the book.
And even then, that has more to do with me being disgusted with the author than it does me being disgusted with the character. After all, at the end of the day, the character isn’t real. The author and how she views female sexuality, however, are.
There have been more than a few books that made me wonder how the reaction would have been had the author been a guy. Seems to me like the only people who can “get away” with attacking women are, well, women.
And that’s not cool, yo.
I’m not some bra-burning, man-hating feminist or anything, but we’ve come too far as a gender to turn on each other and start labeling our gender as either prudes or sluts. We’re not all going to fit into the same box. Some of us will defy classification in general. And for me, that’s what makes us all who we are. Mis- or under-representing any facets of our personalities cheapens the whole deal.
As for “Natalie Dylan”, I know what I would do in her situation. But I’m not her, so I don’t get a vote.
About virgins,
I knew a girl who was a born again virgin.
That would have been okay
except she was born again a couple times a year.
I thought it was quite interesting.
Didn’t really understand the point.
Never did figure it out.
(Oh, and Jane Eyre doesn’t count, because she’s conflicted, doesn’t have sex with him, and the poor woman dies before they marry.)
How could/would anyone think Jane Eyre EVER counts? She was unaware of the wife for the longest time.
Hard to blame her for falling in love with a married man when she was under the impression he wasn’t married.
A one-woman hero and a one-man heroine is what I like to read and write about. They can have past relationships but of course they are insignificant and NEVER compare to the current relationship…
yes, as my husband likes to point out, I live in a world of fiction…and I love it!! 
I don’t have any hard-and-fast rules about that sort of thing. As with so much else, it’s about what the writer can convince me. A good enough writer can make me go along with pretty much anything, while a bad enough writer can mess up the most promising collection of components.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have any moral thing about recreational sex. I figure each person should be as choosy as they need to be, for their own contentment and comfort. If someone wants to wait for Mr. Right to put a ring on her finger, that’s fine. If someone else wants to have a hot weekend fling with some hot guy she runs into at a convention and then never sees again, that’s fine too. So long as everyone knows what they’re getting into, then I’m in favor of consenting adults doing as they please.
And if someone who’s had fifty or a hundred hot convention flings over the years later on meets Mr. Right and settles down to blissful monogamy, I can buy that too. Different people are different, and just about anything can work, if the writer chooses the right components and assembles them correctly.
Angie
“the young woman who decided to auction off her virginity to fund her master’s studies in marriage and family counseling”
That’s an interesting example, because it’s not far off from a number of historical romance and Harlequin Presents plots. Except that usually it’s the heroine’s father or guardian, or a villain, who auctions her off to pay his debts.
You ask about “the sort of sexual history I’m willing to tolerate in a romance novel heroine“. If this “Natalie Dylan” were a romance heroine, I might actually be more comfortable with her story than some of the father/debtor/villain auction scenarios. If the Dylan situation were fiction, it would at least a woman making her *own* decisions about sex, and she’s the one who’ll have to live with those decisions happily or unhappily.
Too often I think the “Only you stand between your father and ruin (evil laugh)” plots create a heroine who doesn’t take any responsibility for her feelings or actions. Sometimes I think that plot is even a throwback to the thinking that women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex. I’ve read a number of romances in which the heroine’s ashamed not of being a de facto prostitute, but of deriving pleasure from sex. Compared to that, if a fictional Dylan could get something for herself out of this transaction–money, pleasure, notoriety, whatever she’s after–she’d better off than some of those heroines.
I think the issue you had with the heroine in the “UF” story was because it wasn’t history. In a romance, there is ABSOLUTELY an expectation that once the H/H take in the notion that the other one is special, then they don’t go spreading the nethers for just any old person. If it’s really an H/H/H, that doesn’t bother me. But if it’s a romance, once the hook is established, that’s it.
Since more than 90% or more of Americans become sexually active before leaving their teens, virgin heroines in contemporaries drive me crazy. As would a marital counselor who has never had sex. That’s just crazy, even before the auction.
Frankly, I don’t have a problem with prostitution as long as it’s been chosen, not forced. Yes, there’s all sorts of badness associated with it, but most of that is because it’s illegal and “good” women don’t stand up for women who choose that route. Making it illegal mostly means to me that someone is trying to prevent women from making money and thus getting power.
Personally, I don’t care for virgin heroines and won’t read a book featuring one. I’m in my 50s and can’t relate to that. As for the heroine who only had one awful sexual experience, the reason that one makes me gag is because it’s been done sooooo many times and is played out. I don’t believe a limited sexual past is a requirement for a heroine to fall in love in the 21st century. What counts is how the hero and heroine feel about each other.