Comments on: Fantasy Men vs. Good Husbands

By: Cheril

Cheril — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:28:31 +0000

Definitely food for thought! I wouldn’t call my husband a safe, good husband (he’s more of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality). In fact, in all honesty, I would probably use some of his character traits for writing the villain. Maybe that’s why I write and read romance — I want the escape and the happy ending.

By: Kara Lennox

Kara Lennox — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:27:31 +0000

Bethanne–I hope you’re right! I like a strong, confident male but when they cross over into arrogant … I close the book.

Asmah, interesting research. Really, especially since I am a birdwatcher and have volunteered in the past to help monitor and protect bluebird nests. Somehow, if I were the spouse cheated upon, I don’t think I would get much comfort from the article!

By: asmah

asmah — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:10:48 +0000

There’s one easy way to undo the paradox: marry the good husband and cheat with the alpha male. All they’re good for is genes, and some fun. Check out the research on infidelity in bluebirds: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/179988.stm

By: Bethanne

Bethanne — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:24:36 +0000

Okay, i’m blog surfing before dinner…and scrolled until this caught my eye. Which makes me late. LOL. Unusual for me.

I think there are lots of authors out there toning down the Alpha. [maybe not in catagory, but I don't read that as much] Nora Robert’s newest Tribute has a wonderfully subtle alpha… a nerdy-type, strong personality. I find that appealing because my hubby is the same way. An accountant who doesn’t fight anyone, but who doesn’t sway from his opinions for anyone either.

By: Tracy Madison’s Personal Blog » Blog Archive » Wandering the Web

Tracy Madison’s Personal Blog » Blog Archive » Wandering the Web — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 05:54:11 +0000

[...] on my list, a post that made me chuckle. At Romancing the Blog, author Kara Lennox compares our Fantasy Men with our real life Good Husbands. I chuckled more [...]

By: Kara Lennox

Kara Lennox — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 02:39:01 +0000

Wow, what great responses! I am so sorry I didn’t respond individually to each, but I was out of town and unable to get my hands on an internet connection for any length of time.

Thanks to you all for your beautifully expressed thoughts.

And now, the truth comes out: I don’t write Alpha heroes. My December book features a nerd CPA. And my book from last January was titled “Good Husband Material.” (He was a little bit bossy but he got better.)

By: willaful

willaful — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:12:07 +0000

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t read because I want to believe a lie. I read because I want to be shown an alternative truth.”

Oooo, good response!

I enjoy reading about all kinds of different characters, including some that would send me screaming into the night in real life. There is so much room in our genre, so many possibilities and I love that.

By: Liz

Liz — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:11:19 +0000

I think by breaking it down into a dry stereotype, it destroys that little bit of magic that makes fiction seem real. The Fantasy Men described in that post sound like lost causes. The “Good Husbands” on the other hand, sound more boring than dry toast. I can think of a few characters that match each of those descriptions, but those characters aren’t ones who left an impression. They’re just sort of there, floating around in the back of my mind without names or faces, like extras in the background of an in-flight movie I slept through.

But then I thought about it, and I thought about the characters in books that were memorable. About how Lizzy thought Mr. Wickham was a Good Husband type, and wrote Mr. Darcy off as a Fantasy type, and how neither were quite what they seemed at first, because they each a little of both.

And then I thought about the men I’ve dated and the people I’ve met, what attracted me to them, and how more often than not, my first impressions are wrong.

It seems to me as though you’ve left out a very large piece of the puzzle here. And that piece is the gray area that binds the two aspects of character together. You can carve a duck out of wood, and it can be the most beautiful duck you’ve ever seen, but it will never be a real duck, because it’s still just a piece of wood.

Real characters are ambiguous, much like real people. But lately it seems there are too many authors striving to create the most perfect wooden duck, that they’ve forgotten about the real ones.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t read because I want to believe a lie. I read because I want to be shown an alternative truth. And I don’t see that in the personality traits you’ve listed. They may remind me of things I’ve read, but they don’t remind me of anything I’ve enjoyed reading. So, publisher’s guidelines, stereotypes, demographics… it all means nothing when you think about it. Doesn’t take a genius to spot a real duck from a fake one, you know?

By: Teresa

Teresa — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:14:29 +0000

I’m not really one for the Fantasy/Alpha type man. Never really have been – in either my reading/viewing or real life. My husband is definitely among the Good Guys and I feel blessed to have found him.

By: Nancy D'Inzillo

Nancy D'Inzillo — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 03:58:57 +0000

Aside from the many aforementioned points, Fantasy Men (as you describe them at least) also present the thing we women long for in a world full of (as Kerry Allen put it) Scumbags where Good Husbands are a dime a dozen. . . The Fantasy Men are the men who do think love is a weakness, but eventually give into it and somehow get past their tortured pasts to be with the heroine. I think plenty of real-life-women have the fantasy that their Scumbag is secretly a Fantasy Man in disguise if they can only get him to change.
Honestly, I like the sort of drama that Fantasy Men can offer, but I don’t think they’re required for good fiction. I do believe that writing a regular guy in fiction is actually much harder to pull off, because it requires intense character development to make them interesting whereas it’s easy to write Fantasy Men into the formula.
All that said, I also think there is something to what Kerry Allen was saying in her second comment, because I love the uber-complicated and screwed up characters in fiction too. I think fiction also offers us the opportunity to live lives so different from our own that we find them compelling, because different is always interesting whether we would want it for ourselves or not.