I drank champagne Tuesday, but only because it was forced on me.
Yeah, you may be thinking sardonically, I only drink champagne at gunpoint, too . . . what is this woman’s problem?
I’ll spell it out for you: a Joy Sucker with Big Nasty Teeth got to me, when I should have been celebrating the release of my first romantic adventure/suspense novel, TAKE ME IF YOU CAN. She deliberately called on that date—and not to say anything positive. Do you guys have Joy Suckers in your lives? You know, those miserable human beings who have hearts seventeen times smaller than the Grinch’s and go out of their way to spread their misery around like peanut butter on crackers. Yesterday, ladies and gentlemen, I was the cracker. May I take a bow?
But there’s something to be said for writing a kick-ass heroine with a gun, a heroine who recovers stolen art for a living and embodies a lot of the qualities I’d like to have. Avy Hunt doesn’t put up with b.s. from people, and she inspired me during this particular awful phone call. (Want to meet Avy? Check her out at www.KarenKendall.com.)
It’s in my nature to try to placate raging sociopaths (why?) and the one on the end of the telephone line yesterday has been in my life for a long time. So first I tried to soothe the Joy Sucker with Big Nasty Teeth, but it was in full raging wildebeest mode. It snorted, it pawed the ground with its cloven hooves, it lashed its temperamental tail and tossed its horns around. It blamed me for a whole gamut of imagined slights and then began to insult me. Finally it took a breath.
And I thought, my character Avy wouldn’t put up with this. Why should I? I’ve had years of conversations like this one. I’m DONE.
Don’t worry, I didn’t pull out a Sig Sauer P230—never very effective over the phone.
But I did take a deep breath and tell the Joy Sucker with Big Nasty Teeth that it could go have fun abusing someone else. And I hung up. That wasn’t polite. But it was long overdue and it felt so good! You could say that Avy did a spot of breaking and entering and helped to recover my stolen self-respect. Thanks, Ave!
I was still upset, but a friend called immediately afterwards, figured out something was wrong and told me she was coming over whether I wanted her to or not. She brought a bottle of champagne that I’d given her when she got a new job. I grumbled until she peeled off the foil and pointed it at me. I’d never been threatened with a cork before. I had to laugh. We were drinking that when another friend called to say congrats that the book was out. And then we called yet another friend . . .
They were my real life heroines yesterday; the people who help keep me positive and chase the Joy Suckers away. Don’t let the JS’s get to you. If you have A Joy Sucker with Big Nasty Teeth in your world, you’re not alone. Has a story character ever helped you put perspective on a real life situation? If so, comment and let me know.
I encourage you to lose your JSwBNT a.s.a.p. If that’s not possible (sadly, sometimes it isn’t) then what can I say–escape into a great book as often as you can. I do!
No related posts.
I don’t keep JSwBNTs around in real life, but I do get the drive-bys in the blogosphere, particularly during the last week. Something the slightest bit positive happens, and suddenly my inbox and comments are flooded with “you suck, I’m better than you” sentiments. I’ll admit, it does gnaw off chunks of my enthusiasm, but at the same time, it’s kind of hard to take seriously coming from someone with the emotional development of a bratty four-year-old with a bad case of sore loseritis.
Much as I would love to slap back, I have a delete/no response/pray karma kicks them in the ass on my behalf policy because I don’t want my involvement in some stupid blog war coming back to haunt me later.
Kerry (hugs), haters are part of the blogosphere. They are a side effect of popularity.
And double hugs to Karen for having a hater on your book launch day (big congrats though!!).
A long time ago, I decided… since there are over 6.6 billion people on the planet, I’m just going to hang out with the nice ones.
Misery loves company so give the miserables love, let them all hang out together.
Oh, and chocolate goes very nicely with champagne.
Sounds like you’re learning to avoid/unload the JoySuckers and recruit the JoyMakers in your life. Way to go! And your storytelling played a part too. More kudos to you!
Don’t need them, don’t have time for them, and I certainly don’t feed them any guilt. They only get fatter.
I also don’t care what they say about me as they scream and howl from behind the bars of the “nasty personality” zoo.
I only continue to invest my emotions in people I find interesting. Joy Suckers are not interesting.
Congrats on your release! Good for you, we all need positive feedback in our lives, not constant negativity!
Maybe someone will invent a Joy Sucker repellent, maybe disguised as a little perfume spray. There are some people who can’t seem to find a nice word to say no matter what, and I wish I could turn a switch on the emotional response.
Friends with champagne are good to have.
And I’m sure you’ll have plenty of positive vibes tomorrow when you come to our chapter meeting. We don’t have ANY Joy Suckers in the group.
Joyce Landorf wrote Balcony People in 1984 and ever since I read that I realized there are two types of people: basement dwellers who pull you down and balcony people who lift you up. I don’t deal with the basement (unless they’re relatives and honestly, what can you do?) and I try to be on the balcony for my friends.
Kay
That is seriously a low blow, and I’m glad to hear you kicked that trash to the curb.
I’m not too good with confrontation (which may be what attracts JSwBNT) and I typically just put up with them because I don’t want to lose one of my few friends, yet my better half got into a knockdown dragout with one of her JSwBNT friends and 2 weeks later it was as if nothing had ever happened. I would have bet money they would never speak to each other again but they are still friends. I guess friendship isn’t as frail as I expect.
Good for you to give it to them straight!
Congrats on getting to tell yours off! My JSwBNT is married to a really good friend and so there’s no getting rid of her. *sigh*
“I don’t deal with the basement (unless they’re relatives and honestly, what can you do?)”
Who says that you have to keep JoySuckers in your life just because you share a few genetic markers? I shed two JoySuckers who are related to me this year, and I feel incredibly liberated since finally making that difficult decision.
JoySuckers are JoySuckers, and life’s just too short. My new and improved policy? If the relationship doesn’t add anything positive to my life–and if it DOES add negativity, guilt, and criticism–it has to go.
Karen, congrats on the release of your book–and on kicking your JS to the curb. You go, Girl!
See? Writing IS good for us.
You wrote someone who had characteristics you coveted, and when the situation came up, you channeled your character and did what you needed to do.
Joyce Landorf also wrote Irregular People about those JSwBNT. She claims they’re irregular, like those underpants with the shifty elastic at stores marked “irregular.” Sometimes they’re related to you, and you really can’t get rid of them. And she says the best way to deal with them is to refuse to participate in their rancor. You stay calm, and say “I’m not going to listen to this. If you want to talk nicely/about something else/whatever, that’s fine, but I’m not going to talk to you like this.” And then walk away, hang up, whtever you need to do.
I’m not very good at practicing what she preaches, but I do try…
Congrats on your new release!! Good for you for telling your JSwBNT to take a hike.
I hear ya’ Kacie J. I hate confrontation but two years ago, I had to make a break. I got to a point where I asked myself if I wasn’t related to them, would I want to be friends with them or want them around my kids. And sadly the answer was no. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I feel more secure and stronger from it.
Oh yes, I have to work with a JoySucker and I even ended up changing my schedule to save my sanity. My tactic is to not discuss anything that doesn’t relate to work with her. I also try to make myself very busy so it seems like I don’t have time to stop and chat about anything. This woman just loves to throw a wet blanket on everything and always expects the worst. If it was anyone else I might confront her about her sour attitude, but since she is my supervisor what can I do? Our boss knows how she is and told me she can’t really do anything with her. The good thing is that Debbie Downer is in her 60s and is talking about retirement within the next 3 years.
I like the basement/balcony comparison. I have also heard somewhere that in life we can be either an example or a warning. I’d say JoySuckers are a warning to never let yourself get like that no matter what life throw at you.
Oh, and way to go on your new book!
Great post and I loved the comment about the blog “drive-bys.” You hit it right on. Sometimes the blogosphere can be such a PITA, Sometimes I’m tempted to pack up my toys and go home.
It’s great to write about it. Thank you.
And I also don’t allow joy-killers in my life anymore. Been there and done that.
Good for you! I don’t let Joy-Suckers in my life either. What’s the point anyway? I’m so happy you had a ‘real’ friend come over w/ champagne. IMHO, champagne and chocolate are the cure-all for any problem. Terry Odell already commented about our chapter, but joining the local RWA chapter in my area has been the best thing I’ve ever done in my writing career. I’m convinced writers are the nicest people on the planet. Any good news, no matter how small, is always celebrated! Can’t wait to meet you at the meeting
Hey, Karen — thanks for speaking to our group today. Great advice. Wish I could have stuck around for lunch.
Life is too short to spend any of it with Joy Suckers. We all have some. I encounter most of mine at work. I’ve learned to do my job and not let them bother me. Good for you for having such great friends.
[...] Karen, do I ever know what youy are talking about! Way to go on being your own heroine, [...]
Good for you!
There really is no reason to put up with abuse–even from relatives. A nice *cough* okay, calm enough, “call me when you have something civil to say” comes in very handy with them.
Congrats on the book release.
Hi, you guys!
Sorry I’m only just now making it over to read your comments–I was out of town both Friday and Saturday.
THANK YOU for such great responses. One of my favorites is this one from Gail,
“Joyce Landorf also wrote Irregular People about those JSwBNT. She claims they’re irregular, like those underpants with the shifty elastic at stores marked “irregular.” LOL!
Clearly I’m going to have to check out Joyce’s books!
And yes, chocolate, champagne and good friends are the best cures for Joy Suckers. We should all keep that in mind! Best, Karen
Are Joy Suckers any relation to Energy Vampires or are they separate species like shape shufters and wolverines? I think perhaps there may be some genetic cross-over, yes?
In all seriousness, I love how we as authors can create these kick butt heroines and still sometimes remain so passively nice ourselves. I once read my daily horoscope (actually I read them every day, but I digress) and it basically counseled me to heal myself from “The Disease of Niceness.” I don’t know that I’m totally recovered but right now I’m saving the unconditional love for my cats.
Seriously, though, it sounds from your post as though you handled JS with aplomb. As for champagne, to butcher the words of the late great Agatha Christie, there’s nothing like champagne on a champagne occasion.
Many congrats on your new release.
Hope Tarr
Ah the psychic vampires of the world.
I tend to just stay away from them.
I feed on other people’s energy. In fact I teach cpr and my boss just gave me a review that said I’m an energetic instructor.
So with the joy suckers, they can bring me down quicker than anything so I stay far away from them.
I really like reading inspirational romance. As you mentioned escaping into a book is key.
I’ve enjoyed lots of Barbara Delinsky books which I think are positive. I also liked Kate Rizor’s novel The Governor’s Wife which was uplifting.
Too true.
Hey! Congratulations! If I had a bottle of champagne, I’d send it your way (and I assure you I have lovely teeth).
I hate joy suckers. I get a lot of those, too–as well as their evil stepsisters, the frantic people who are perfectly nice, but destroy my peace of mind every time I’m near them.
I’m glad you got away from yours and had a chance to enjoy your momentous occasion! You should be so proud!
A very quick follow up and thank you to Karen, who provided a fanstastic workshop on Saturday. I’ve already begun working on my synopis/proposal (helps that I’m not at the ’sell on synopsis’ point in my career yet, and I’ve finished the book). I even posted my fumbling start on myblog this morning. Karen, you inspired me. Thanks!
Saw the title and thought this was another essay about vampires in romance novels.
Nothing to add to the topic — it’s been well covered — just thought I’d share.