I’m writing this as my husband Bob and I drive south along Interstate Highway 5 heading from Eugene, Oregon, to Elk Grove, California (near Sacramento). Our car is being pounded by an icy rain, and we’re patting ourselves on the back for choosing to drive our 4-wheel-drive SUV, rather than our 2-wheel-drive pickup truck that gets slightly better mileage. The temperature outside reads 35 degrees, and at the rate the rain is coming down, we’re sure to hit snow going over the Siskiyou Mountains. Even with chains our pickup doesn’t do well in snow, and I’d just as soon get to our destination in one piece!
The reason we’re starting a 500-miles drive in such inclement weather, is because my college roommate Pat has invited me to speak at her book club luncheon tomorrow. The fifteen members of the club recently read MURDER ON NOB HILL, the first book in the Sarah Woolson historical mystery series, and they’ve set aside tomorrow’s meeting to discuss it.
It seems as if I’ve been visiting a lot of book clubs lately; I’ve already done two this month, and I have two more scheduled for next week – a total of five, including the one tomorrow afternoon. But this visit is special, and it’s really started me thinking. The truth is, I hadn’t seen Pat for ages, not until she showed up at a book signing I was doing in California last July. It was a fairly large group, but I immediately spotted four familiar, and smiling, faces sitting in the third row of the audience – Pat and three other college friends. I still remember that thrill of recognition! Sure, they looked older – as did I! – but I would have known them anywhere. It was as if all those years since graduation had just melted away.
I can’t tell you how much it means to me that so many of my high school and college friends have gone out of their way to support me these past few years. I’m ashamed to admit that I was “so busy†I allowed far too much time to go by without contacting these women with whom I’d once been so close. I didn’t deserve it, but I’m so grateful so many of them have come back into my life.
The old saying “better late than never†certainly applies here. But when I think of all the years that were lost – and with them the fun, the laughs, the support – it truly makes me sad. There’s so much more to life than hammering out the pages, spending long hours on publicity, not to mention time on the road. I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to discover the true value of old friends. But believe me, it’s a lesson I never plan to forget!
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I just found two old friends on my space that I haven’t seen in years. I’m so glad I took the time to have dinner with them the other night. It was fun to catch up.
Too often, I’ve chosen writing over friends, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so until something else gives. But it was nice to break out of that rut, if just for one night. Thanks for the reminder that working (even at a job you love) isn’t everything!
Because my husband is active-duty Air Force, we move…a lot, and sometimes very far away. (Right now, we’re in Alaska.) Obviously, this nomadic lifestyle can be hard on friendships, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned how meaningful these relationships are in my life, and I work very hard to maintain those connections, even when we’re thousands of miles apart.
Both of my dearest friends are also writers or writing teachers, so our passion for writing is something that helps to keep the connection alive. I have a standing date for a roommate at RWA National each year, and in this day and age of e-mail, free long distance, and blogs, I’ve found that being apart doesn’t have to mean that we can’t be close.
It’s so easy to lose track of even the best friends over the years. It seems there’s always something to do and I’ve never been one to enjoy talking on the phone. I think you inspired me to make a few phone calls. Thanks.
Hi Jill,
You perfectly understand what I was feeling. So often I’ve put writing before old friends. It seems that between family and a career, there’s no time to reconnect or spend a few minutes with people I’ve known for years. Thanks so much for commenting.
Hi Kacie,
I grew up as an air force brat, so I know what you mean about leading a nomadic life. Looks like you’ve found a way to stay close to old friends, though, and I admire that. Thanks for writing in. It gives me inspiration.
Hi Susan,
I feel the same way about talking on the phone, yet it really is more personal than email. In fact, your email made me think of an old friend who has been in poor health for a couple of years now. Tomorrow for sure I have to pick up the phone and give her a call to see how she’s doing. Thanks again for writing!
Between a full-time job, a husband, writing on a contracted project, drafting prospective projects, preparations for marketing, and a house search, it’s sometimes hard to find an hour to chat with friends. I’ve been making an special effort to do so, calling someone every weekend, and my life is enriched for doing so, especially since learning that one friend suffered a stroke a few months back.
A very timely post. Thank you.
Hi Bettye,
Wow! I was trying to catch my breath just reading your email! And I thought my life was busy. I really admire you for making time to call someone every weekend. You’re right, we’re really the winners when we make time to reconnect with family and friends. I’m so glad you wrote. Thanks you. Your email was truly inspiring!