A friend of mine told me that she doesn’t hang out on the internet much beyond doing her blog. Part of me couldn’t imagine not blog hopping. You get to see what everyone is up to, catch the latest gossip, connect with friends, etc. Lately though, I’ve started to wonder if my friend was onto something. Between the bickering (reviewers vs writers), organizational divisions (RWA vs a quarter of its membership), and the genre smack-downs (my genre is better than your genre, nah, nah, nah), blog hopping is becoming tiresome.
I’m not saying that it’s all bad. There are some positive, educational and entertaining blogs out there. But more and more I find myself skipping and deleting my feeds without reading them. They add nothing to the quality of my life and they certainly don’t help my writing.
I realized something when the latest romance hoorah hit the fan. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like romance. Yes, I said it. You heard me. Seems strange coming from someone who writes romance among other things, I know. I used to get into heated discussions any time someone bad-mouthed the romance genre, but not anymore. Those days are over. I honestly don’t give a…(fill in the blank).
Here’s how I see it, if someone doesn’t like romance, then it’s THEIR loss. Period. End of story. If they can’t take a good look at the genre and realize that there is more to it than hot shirtless men on the covers, then they are the ones missing out—not me.
Their opinion is not going to change my reading or my writing preferences and my opinion is not going to change theirs. Frankly, fighting about it is a waste of my time and energy.
I think it’s really easy to get caught up in all the online drama. That’s the number one reason my friend doesn’t hang out a lot online. I think it might be time to follow her lead and rein things in a little.
What about you? Has your online time become a dragon that needs slaying?
No related posts.
I don’t care if someone doesn’t like romance.
See, at least you write “regular” romance. I write gay romance and erotica — talk about a shunned genre…. [wry smile]
But yes, that makes perfect sense. I used to get all worked up when people dissed historical romances (to which I was addicted in my teens and twenties and most of my thirties) and argued long and loud to explain that it wasn’t all ripped bodices and cheesy dialogue. Every now and then someone would admit that okay, fine, maybe it wasn’t all crap, whatever, although that might’ve been more a desire to escape the conversation and get away from that glaring madwoman than any actual change of opinion, LOL!
It’s really not worth it, though. And frankly, I don’t give a damn what other people think either. I like what I like and other people like what they like, and while it’s cool to find others who share my interests so we can talk and compare and recommend and squee to each other, I have neither the time nor the interest to do so with the whole world even if everyone did agree with me. And it’s been a very long time since I gave up on the notion that the whole world needed to agree with me on matters of taste.
On the question of time, yes, it’s definitely an issue for me. [nod] I just recently got back into writing for submission and I’m wandering back into a world of pro writers and editors I haven’t had anything to do with since the very early nineties. But I still have all my friends and contacts and blogs and journals in the fanfic world, and most of the ones I wouldn’t mind deleting don’t post very often anyway so deleting them wouldn’t help. Trying to keep up with everything online and still have any significant time to write has been tough. Still working on that part.
Angie
I have lately became ruthless and culled blogs. I enjoy reading some and the others they have gone by the wayside. I think this is pretty natural.
I’ve been culling lately, too. A lot of “this isn’t what it used to be, and what it is now isn’t for me.”
Want to talk about books? Cool. Some real life thrown in occasionally for flavor? Great.
Want to serve as the arena for political catfighting? Bye. I have enough stress without seeking it out online.
The ones I’ll keep going back to every single day are the ones that make me laugh.
gah, my first post got eaten by internet gremlins.
I follow the rule that if I’m not getting something positive out of a blog/forum/loop, I don’t keep going back. And when those dramas flare up, I step around ‘em. I don’t have the time or energy to do anything else.
The latest one you spoke of, I saw it and realized nothing I could say would contribute or make a difference. And so I shrugged and went on writing my book. Which I devoutly hope will have a shirtless man on the cover.
:grin:It’s a good idea to budget on-line time in some way. I stay away from negative blogs. That frees up a lot of time right there! I only visit Blog Buddies and blogs of professional interest.
There are tons of blogs of professional interest! They can be narrowed down to just a handful. Take agents, for example. They all blog about the same thing, really. They each have their own style though. So, I just visit the one or two I enjoy the most.
I don’t have time to surf or hop.
Jordan, you can read my blog. It’s guaranteed politics and RWA kerfuffle free; only pretty pics, history and a little bit about my writing.
I admit that sometimes I spend too much time reading blogs. I was amused about the fact how much time some people invested discussing a hat, until I realised I had spend a lot of time reading the fun myself. *makes note to stay away from certain blogs after RWA meetings*
I try to stick to blogs that entertain or teach me in some way, so a good number on my blogroll are about history. It’s like reading non fiction books about history. Then there are some where I’m commenting regularly and where some sort of online relationship has evolved, even if those are not necessarily about history (Jordan’s blog is one of those). I don’t have much of a social life in real life, so I don’t want to miss the virtual interaction with people. That includes a few online forums (two writing related ones, a German forum about books, and two Just Fun an’ Everything places) - and they can become a time sucker, too.
Blogs that never update, turn to politics as main topic or otherwise deviate from what me originally attracted to them, get deleted. I’ve left forums for that reason, too.
Mine too! We specifically started out to just talk about history and reseach, and to feature other historical authors when they have new releases.
I agree with Charli, if I’m not getting something positive out of it, I don’t visit the blog. I’m tired of seeing the bashing and squabbles over really stupid stuff. And the fact that some authors are blatantly involving themselves in the tactless hoopla makes me cringe. Readers aren’t the only ones that read blogs. Editors do to.
My own journal has a bit of politics — usually race relations since that’s a big part of my life. Mostly I post about my family — which is central to my life (and which leads to me being in the middle of racial situations on occasion) — and my writing, which is how I ended up on line to begin with; and the world around me, which is pretty much inescapable.
I try to visit the blog, site or journal of every member of any community I’m a part of at least once — though I’ve only hit about ten percent of that roster down the left side of the page here. When I’m on line, particularly when I’m taking a break from working, I set a timer. (Used to carry a kitchen timer with me, but my cell phone works fine.) When it goes off, I get off line. This has been an effective tool in limiting my on-line time (which has definitely been getting out of hand.)
For my non-fiction blogs,
I ask myself at the end of every post,
how does this help my reader?
And because I post for business people and entrepreneurs (writers, btw, are classic entrepreneurs), I keep it positive ’cause life for these folks are negative enough. ‘Nuff people trying to beat you down.
Kalen,
I’ve added the Historical Hoydens to my blogroll about two weeks ago. Albeit I write epic historical fiction rather than historical romance, I can learn a lot from some romance related blogs.
Btw, I found it via Tracy Grant’s blog, and hers I found because she replied to one of my comments here. Bloghopping can be so much fun sometimes.
I try to stay drama free.
I blog hop to keep up with my friends, not the drama. If there’s angst in the post, I’ll just hop to the next one. I, too, love the one’s that make me laugh (thanks Jill Shalvis)
I have very few author blogs in my newsreader and they are getting fewer all the time. I like reading about what an author is writing and various aspects of their writing life. I don’t like reading about carpools and making dinner and other mundane things. I have enough of the mundane in my own life. I don’t need to hear how someone’s Little Johnny got 5 stars on his book report. Authors should save the mundane for a non-book related blog, please. It’s not that I won’t buy them if they use their blog as more of a personal journal than a business journal, I just won’t be browsing their feeds and possibly not get notified when they finally do talk about their work. That can translate into lost sales.
I can also say that no blog has ever prompted me to buy a book that I wouldn’t normally consider buying in the first place. I know my tastes and I read within very specific genres. I only read outside those genres if I get a word of mouth recommendation from a friend in real life. I don’t like browsing sites where self-proclaimed reviewers make themselves feel all big and important by denigrating an author through personal attacks. They say it’s not personal and they say they are criticizing the work not the author. But the truth is, very few of the review sites out there actually know how to separate the two. It just comes off as a pile of stinking crap. All snarky review sites do is prompt me to remove them from my newsreader.
Blogs HAVE prompted me to never buy an author again. You know that whole mess that comes up every once in a while with people saying erotic romance isn’t romance? Or e-publishers aren’t real publishers? Or that paranormals aren’t romance? Or that one genre of romance is better or more worthy than another? Those discussions just add to my ‘never read’ list. From my perspective as a reader, when an author gets all huffy and obnoxious and starts beating down other writers and genres and publishing methods with the self-righteous stick, it does more damage than good. It doesn’t promote their genre. It doesn’t promote their books. It simply makes them look small-minded and petty and makes them lose sales.
Thanks to the wonder of the web, readers are now pulled into this drama. I never knew how much animosity and cat-fighting existed in the romance genre until I started browsing these blogs. It’s bad form and a complete and utter turn-off. It definitely affects my purchases. I do forward links to let my friends and family know about all the drama I read online and it affects their purchases as well.
I doubt I am the only reader out there who feels this way.
Angie, I think everyone who’s ever been really into romance has at one time or another gotten into a heated discussion with a detractor. I just think there comes a point (like you said) where you have to let it go.
Bronwen, I culled recently, but not near enough.
Kerry, ***A lot of “this isn’t what it used to be, and what it is now isn’t for me.”***
You bring up a very good point here. I think that’s what happened to me lately. My tastes have changed.
Charli, Yes, the latest one had me feeling trapped in the middle. Don’t like that one bit. I definitely don’t have time for debates.
Kimber, That’s the point I’m trying to reach. I just haven’t gotten there yet. :/
Gabriele, You do have a lot of beautiful pictures on your blog. I always learn something when I drop in.
Vivi, You bring up a very good point, too. I think it’s really easy to forget that the ‘world’ is reading these blogs. It’s particularly dangerous when they flair up. You never know if a comment will come back and bite you on the career backside.
KeVin, I think it’s fine to blog about whatever you want. I just know as a reader there is only so much that I can take in of ‘real’ life before I peak and have to escape. Setting a timer is a VERY good idea. I think I’ll try it.
Kimber, That’s a good question to ask. I wish more people followed your lead.
Sara, You and me both, but it doesn’t always work.:sad:
Ericka, Yeah, unfortunately it’s about the only way I can keep up with most of my friends. Jill’s blog is an inspiration. She’s consistently funny.
Too much promotion annoys me, too. The occasional link to a nice review is fine, but if a blog is only that for several weeks with almost no other posts, I’m prone to delete it.
All Angsty and Family Only blogs don’t make it on my list, either. Or end under that filter I never read on LJ (it’s easier than the drama that ensues if you defriend people on LJ).
Lola, I completely understand your point of view. I think there are two kinds of blog readers, the ones who only want to hear about the work and the ones who want to know the authors better.
It’s a fine line to walk for an author. You can only talk about your work so many times before your blog becomes one big oozing promo site. It’s different obviously if you have a lot of releases, but if you only have a few then you have to fill in the space with other topics. That’s where real life comes into the picture.
As for the blogs affecting your reading choices, I’m sure that you are not the only reader out there who feels this way. I’ve never (that I can recall) had a blog turn me off someone’s writing, but I have had personal encounters with people at conferences that permanently eliminated them from my to buy list. As for the snark sites, everyone has a different tolerance level. I try to stay out of most it. My goal is to avoid it all. *ggg*
Gabriele, I avoid solid promo sites too. I’m just not that interested.
I too dislike the negativity and petty bickering. I much prefer to read blogs that talk about books and the occasional writing subjects. The talk doesn’t have to be all puppies and sunshine, just…I don’t know, like I get a feeling those who blog and leave comments love books and love to talk about them rather than feeling as if they’re on some mission to educate the ignorant, police behavior, or correct whatever happens to be the pet peeve du jour.
One good thing about cutting back on blogs, loops, and message boards is that I have more time to actually read! I’m not avoiding all of them, just being more selective. Without a few old faithful favorites, I’d miss hearing about a lot of great books. Like the one I’m reading right now, THE MONK DOWNSTAIRS. How did I miss this one when it first came out, I don’t know…
Good point, Michele. Less blog reading does leave time for more reading, reading.
I wish there were more blogs that talked about books in a fun way. They don’t have to like them all, but it would be nice to see a few more ‘this isn’t my thing, but it might be yours’ entries. 
The blogs I read usually focus on the writing journey and on books, with a bit of real life thrown in. Any subject can be interesting if it’s well written - yes, even the mundane. I won’t cull a blog because the writer does the occasional post on her dog, or her children. It’s all in the writing.
Some blogs I read because I like the people; they’re kind and encouraging, and there’s mutual support going on. And there’s one that makes me laugh - that guy is so witty, I’m sure he’s going places, although he has very few readers right now.
I stay away from the ones that are full of negativity and fighting. If I won’t tolerate certain behavior in real life, I don’t see why I should online. When the time I spend online becomes a problem, what I do is cut the frequency of my blog hopping - a couple I read every day, others once a week, and so on. It works for me.
Liane, ***If I won’t tolerate certain behavior in real life, I don’t see why I should online.***
I think it’s easy to forget that when you’re online, but it’s a very good reminder.
If a blog has conflict and humor, it’s entertaining to me. Throw in tips on publishing and the trials and tribulations of writing, with a sprinkling of book, movie, and TV show reviews, and I’m hooked. Darn, I think I just described your blog, Jordan.
Bernard, I owe you a dollar.
Good on you. I think once people realize that there is no right or wrong in any form then we can begin to live peacefully. Let it start with Romance or not. For what it’s worth I write contemporary romance with paranormal elements and there are times I don’t like romance. But then I get over it. I read mystery, chick lit, women’s fic, plain fic, and almost any form of romance and don’t find one to be better than the other they all suit the mood I’m in at the time but that’s just me and that’s as it should be.
Stopped by to say hi,
Emjai Colbert
I actually don’t mind a writer’s blog that’s just promotion, if that’s really all it is. If someone posts once every month or two to say they’ve got a new book coming out, or they just got a new contract, that’s cool — it lets me keep up with a writer I like but doesn’t take much of my time. The beauty of an RSS feed is that I don’t have to waste my time constantly checking a blog which is rarely updated, and if the info which does get posted is interesting or useful, then that’s cool. I’m more likely to delete the feed of a blog that’s only got a useful post once a month but whose writer thinks they have to fill in the blanks with whatever they can stuff into the silences. I’m another one who doesn’t care about the kids or spouse or laundry of someone I don’t know. But a promotion-only blog with a reasonably low rate of posting is perfectly cool.
Angie
Emjai, ***they all suit the mood I’m in at the time but that’s just me and that’s as it should be.***
You’re absolutely correct.
Angie, I agree, RSS feeds are great. I didn’t mean to suggest that a writer is filling the space between releases with dribble. *wg* Most people like to visit ‘active’ blogs (ie regular postings). What you’re talking about is cool. Keeping up with your favorite authors is always worthwhile.
Personally, I tend to unsubscribe from blogs that are nothing but promo. I find them boring, even when I LOVE the author. Viva la difference. 
I agree completely. I have neither the time, nor the energy to engage in debates that seem to do nothing beyond making the participants angrier and more belligerent. Have also been seriously considering giving up television and many publications that engage in celebrity gossip for similar reasons.
Catherine, Yes, arguing does eat up a lot of energy. Giving up TV would be a tough one for me. I have a lot of shows that I really love. I have chosen to avoid the news. That’s actually been working out well for me.