I remember being 14 and going to Confession, Mom was on a church kick and she wanted each of us to take a turn in the Confessional on a regular basis. My big sin one particular week was “Gossip” and I vividly remember Father Larry’s “Gospel not Gossip” at the top of his lungs, or at least I thought it sounded that way.
These days it seems to be one of my biggest sin again. Not that I pass it on, but I rubberneck at every online romanceland train wreck. I’m not a big believer in the “If you don’t have anything good to say…” mentality, but over the last few weeks I’ve hit the “way, way too much information” wall, and it reminded me of Father Larry’s advice of long ago. Enough already, we don’t need to know intimate and overly ugly details of publishers, authors, editors or readers personal lives. There’s a difference between discussing the merits of snark or bad reviews and the sharing of personal information. I have to wonder how much of this stuff anyone needs to know and would we want it out there if it were about ourselves.
If we hear the latest dirt, we are not required to share it with everyone we come in contact with. And honestly for those not completely familiar with the internet it really does allow information to be shared with the world.
When did the good old days of an author having a hissy fit over a bad review or the resale of ARCs and readers reacting to it, turn into details about their marriages and children? Good info, book info would be nice, the bad and ugly I can do without.
Just a few thoughts…
1. Don’t think if you share intimate details of your life with 200 of your nearest and dearest it isn’t going to reach someone not so near and dear.
2. Just because you are the recipient of TMI doesn’t mean you have to share it with 200,000,000+ of your nearest and dearest.
3. Don’t post blind items and think they’ll remain blind for long. Though it’s probably likely those that post blind items are hoping that they not remain blind long.
4. At what age do we stop playing tit-for-tat?
5. And if you’re trying to outrun the train in order to avoid the inevitable train wreck, don’t post something that will only make the situation worse.
The internet has allowed us to know more than we ever imagined about the publishing industry. It’s allows us to find out interesting information about our favorite authors and books, but the downside to all this is the ugly, sorted details. I couldn’t care less about the Paris Hilton type information, it’s none of my or anyone else’s business.
I think I’ll put my head in the sand, at least until the next train wreck. I can only hope it’s nothing more than a mundane bad review brouhaha.
Maybe ignorance is bliss after all.
Related posts:
I keep in mind that
the internet is FOREVER.
Just because I erased the post from my site
doesn’t mean its gone.
Its still out there somewhere floating.
My personal position is if you wouldn’t say it or do it in an office environment with your coworkers and bosses all around, don’t post it on the net.
Someday, there’s going to be a term coined for these internet broo-ha-has and soon thereafter, sympathy cards created for the subjects of them.:sad:
My momma always said, “If ya don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”
I stand by those words. It’s a diverse world with many opinions and beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own.
Thank you Tara Marie. At least someone has the sense to ignore the absolute vile vindictive crap that has been flung around blogland lately.
What I dont’ understand is this…as an author I write books, readers read books…where the hell is the drama in that???
When has this industry become a festering cesspool of irrelevant garbage? None of us are celebrities. Why does this gossip mongering really matter??
My momma always said, “If ya don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”
I stand by those words.
I think it’s great if you live by that. At the same time, it’s not always the best way to effect positive change. Sometimes honest critique is necessary. This:
It’s a diverse world with many opinions and beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own
is more what I live by.
Gossip is like reality TV. No matter how much you hate it, it’s never going to go away because there will always be an audience for it.
I’ve been known to go away for a week when the fur is flying and come back to blogland when the PMS or the fool moon or whatever has passed.
And no, that wasn’t a typo.
It’s a diverse world with many opinions and beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own.
Yes they are, right up to the point where their opinions and beliefs negatively impact someone else’s right to the same.
5. And if you’re trying to outrun the train in order to avoid the inevitable train wreck, don’t post something that will only make the situation worse.
Pretty sure that one was for me. Point deserved and taken.
This is me sucking it up.
Fool moon. LOL,and amen, sistah.
I was talking about this with another writer last night, and it seems to me a lot of the same people who whine because romance authors get no respect are the same people who regularly dance by the light of that “fool moon”, ensuring we’ll never get it.
So… thanks. A lot. Really. You’ve been very… Yeah.
And can we please, please teach our children about this stuff??? YouTube, MySpace, etc. etc. They are posting pictures, personal details, rants/opinions, and all kinds of stuff about themselves on the Internet, without any regard for the infinite life of such or the danger.
Everyone has seen the articles about employers and even creditors getting info from the Internet to determine “worthiness”. Bizarre but true so our children really have to be taught discretion.
Jennifer B, #5 was not directed at you, not in the least, but I’m not about to post what it was about and continue to feed the situation, because if you haven’t found that one, you probably don’t need to. So, please don’t feel chastised.
It’s a diverse world with many opinions and beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own…
I really like this one. So much better than “the nothing good” thing.
Great column! Personal stuff is so not my business. I don’t want to know. Books? I want to know about those.
I’ve pretty much made it a point to stop reading the blogs that regularly indulge in that kind of conversation. I like: industry blogs and craft blogs (as a writer), and, as a reader, reader blogs that are about books, not veiled grinding stones for people’s axes.
2. Just because you are the recipient of TMI doesn’t mean you have to share it with 200,000,000+ of your nearest and dearest.
Uh, YES! Words fail me.
It’s a diverse world with many opinions and beliefs, everyone is entitled to their own.
–Yes they are, right up to the point where their opinions and beliefs negatively impact someone else’s right to the same.
I don’t think that matters either, unless the negative impact is of a particularly significant nature that has real consequences beyond hurt feelings and confusion, even image. Everyone is entitled to their opinion even if it’s a bad one, even if it “negatively impacts” (whatever that means) someone else.
This is all so vague it will probably just lead to more insinuations, misunderstandings and, wink-wink-you-know-what-I’m-talking-abouts.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion even if it’s a bad one, even if it “negatively impacts” (whatever that means) someone else.
What this means is that once an “opinion” becomes an “action” that impairs someone else’s right to live freely (so long as their choices, in turn, do not hurt anyone else) they’ve crossed a line. It’s simple social contract theory (something not taught nearly enough in our schools!).
Great article. I agree. Life’s too short. I’d rather play in the mud than sling it any day. And safe to say, there’s bound to be more to the story than what gets picked up and regurgitated on the internet. Anyone who will wallow in muck just to scoop up some dirt on another, believe it and pass it along as the gospel truth
…well, I have a bridge I’d like to sell to that person.:wink:
word.
I’ve been guilty of lurking/rubbernecking myself
. But sometimes when I hear those sirens coming on, I close the windows and shut the drapes.
At times it’s hard not to get caught up in the drama of it all – and I have to sit on my hands at times. When it’s something I’ve been drawn into almost against my will – I’ll type it out, sit and look at it before posting (most of the time) and then just get out of wherever it is and go somewhere else. I’ll admit there are a few times I didn’t do that and went ahead and posted it and regretted it later.
I don’t belong to the ‘if you can’t say something nice’ school of thought any longer. Life’s lessons have taught me that’s hogwash – but I’m still not going to say something nasty just for the sake of saying something nasty. In the end – the times I do – I just feel worse myself.
What this means is that once an “opinion” becomes an “action” that impairs someone else’s right to live freely (so long as their choices, in turn, do not hurt anyone else) they’ve crossed a line. It’s simple social contract theory (something not taught nearly enough in our schools!).
Good lord, what does any of that have to do with tara’s post?
(Which was essentially my point, unless some of the romancing blog drama has somehow prevented someone, somewhere from living freely? Oh boy.
Wow did you hit a nerve! I was a great fan of Julia Cameron’s works (”The Artist Way” and others) till she wrote a tell-all (and I mean ALL) book about her very messed up private life.. warts,drunken paranoid emergency room visits and all. Too much information?? YOU BET.
I like to read. I enjoy all kinds of stories, how-to’s, romance, science fiction… but ya know what authors– do we remember the concept of discretion????
Internet be damned.I’m going on another web -fast.
Okay, late as I am, I do want to add this one thing: Many of us live and read and work in isolation, and it is important to us—sometimes even financially important—to find out via the Internet that various dramas relating to romances and romance writing and romance publishing have occurred.
I would not want to step blindly into a situation, professional or personal, that a little bit of information would have warned me to eschew. Yes, even rather personal information that I would rather not know.