Adultery in romance novels chills me to the bone. How can we expect a “happily ever after” ending when one of the lead characters has strayed? Isn’t the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?”
I purchased a historical romance novel a year ago; it came highly recommended by a friend and received nothing but stellar reviews. It’s currently sitting on my bedroom floor, in a small “To Be Read” pile. Not since I discovered that the hero was a married man and the heroine, a prostitute he enjoys during a night out on the town, was I able to read the novel. There are obvious problems in the marital relationship that push the hero to find solace and gratification elsewhere (excuses…excuses), but the mere knowledge of his marital status was enough to chill my reading ardor. As is typical of any romance novel, the hero and heroine soon become more than part-time lovers, ’til the end of the novel when circumstances make it possible for the two to finally wed (…and they lived happily ever after). The romance is not of the syrupy sweet variety; on the contrary, its dark passion and depth make it a must read for any fan of romance…so I hear…because I still have not garnered the will to read it.
I’m not a prude, nor am I naive. I understand perfectly well that in the real world, adultery exists and sometimes circumstances will push one partner to stray from the other. I get it, but I don’t have to like it…especially in romance novels. The mere knowledge that the hero committed adultery was enough to nearly destroy my desire to read a book considered by many to be one of the author’s finest (I will not reveal the name because I do not want to spoil the book for others). I will eventually read the book, but right now it’s been one year and all the book has been doing in my life is collecting dust.
There are many things I tolerate in romance novels - virgin widows, spies, Americans in Britain, alcoholism, bodice ripping - but adultery is not one of them.
In recent years, several novels have been written with a cheating spouse (usually the hero). I’ve read a few. The writers all did an exceptional job; unfortunately, despite their best efforts, I could not completely look past the fact that someone in the relationship had cheated. I could never shake off the knowledge that the hero (let’s face it; it’s usually him depicted as the adulterer) had slept with someone other than the heroine WHILE in a relationship with the heroine! “Happily Ever After” was no longer an option for me; there would always be that lingering doubt, that underlying anger, that…gulp…sadness in their lives. For a brief moment (or maybe even a few years), the heroine simply wasn’t enough and the ultimate betrayal was committed. Would the hero stray again? The question always remained.
Perhaps I look for more romance than most when reading a romance novel. I don’t want a hero or heroine who cheats. I want someone who will be faithful to the heroine, despite the many temptations surrounding them. I don’t want a hero who will cheat on his wife and remain married while engaging in an affair with the heroine either. Call me simple. Call me innocent. Romance is romance. Reality is the last thing I want to think about. I don’t expect the lives of romance characters to be depicted as shiny and perfect; I like a good dose of trial and tribulations, like the next person, but adultery…..adultery is just not romantic. Sorry.
What do you think? Can you look past adultery in a romance novel? What novels, in your opinion, were able to win you over, despite the adultery of its lead characters? For authors, how challenging is it to write a novel in which one of the leads has strayed?
I don’t write it, nor do I read it. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to make a character likable who’d shown that he/she couldn’t be faithful the first time around. As the title of your post says…
by Allie B March 29th, 2007 at 6:05 amAs for reading/writing it - It’s never worried me in the slightest, I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t been cheated on at some point, it’s certainly a fact of life - and it’s up to the hero/heroine as to how she deals with it.
It shouldn’t just be swept aside though, and not dealt with, with the hero/ine falling into the cheater’s arms and never mentioning it, there needs to be some way of dealing with it.
In “Standish” Rafe is caught in flagrante with another man by Ambrose, and it causes Ambrose to leave him immediately. However - although they reconcile at the end - I deliberately left a lot of unanswered questions weighing heavily over the reader’s head. Rafe IS naturally promiscuous and I foresaw that Ambrose would have a bad time of it in the future, I can’t see that he would ever be faithful. But that’s not up to me, the author, that’s up to Ambrose to deal with, however daft that sounds.
My personal opinion is that to wipe it out of the romance genre is to homogenise it, in the same way that “no sex before marriage” or “gay love isn’t romance” but of course, there are always going to be people who disagree with me - but without infidelity, a lot of romance books would be a lot less interesting.
I don’t agree with people who kill other people, or steal, or rape, or who show injustice and intolerance - but if I were never to read books with those themes I’d never read anything!!
by erastes March 29th, 2007 at 6:35 amI hear ya, Daniela. Part of the enjoyment of a romance is the escapism, and wanting something better than real life. I hold the h/h to a higher standard because of it. Having one of the main characters cheat is so totally off-putting that no matter how good the book is, my enjoyment of it has decreased considerably. Yes, no doubt, it is part of real life, but so what? That doesn’t mean it has to intrude on the stories I love so much. It’s such a loss of trust, and respect, for that particular character (okay, hero) that bleeds into the other character (heroine)that now I can’t trust or respect her for deciding to stay with someone who cheated on her.
Is this logical? Probably not. But I don’t want to deal with this issue in romances. Yes, people change, and yes, the hero may in fact be faithful for the rest of his life, but the damage, in my mind, has already been done, and my rose-colored glasses are laying smashed on the floor, dammit. I really hate that.
by Stacy ~ March 29th, 2007 at 6:54 amI’m not a fan of infidelity in romance, either–honestly, I go to romance for an escape from all the ‘real world’ ugliness. And while I realize that people had affairs in Regency England or wherever your time zone is, and that it happened regularly, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth when it pops up in my novels. I don’t want my characters to be human like me, I want them to be better!
I think there was more of that kind of thing in the “early” days of romance (the days of Love’s Tender Fury, etc…) and then it went out of fashion. Perhaps it’s making a return because our current lives are driven by 24-hour news and reality TV and infidelity has become, unfortunately, normal.
by Elizabeth K March 29th, 2007 at 6:58 amSo much depends on the story line. If they are truly madly in love and one strays that will probably send the book against a wall. But, if a true loving commitment hasn’t happened it most likely wont bother me too much.
by Tara Marie March 29th, 2007 at 7:49 amOff the top of my head, I can’t think of a title on my shelf that involves infidelity, but it’s not an issue that would put me off an otherwise good story. If the cheater’s entire personality can be summed up by “cheating bastard,” obviously he’s not a sympathetic character, but there has to be more to him.
In contemporaries, there is no excuse - if your marriage is miserable, you can get a divorce almost as fast as you can get a Big Mac. In pre-modern times, it wasn’t that easy, and seeking “companionship” elsewhere when the spouse is a nightmare is perfectly acceptable to me.
This assumes, of course, the infidelity is occurring with the heroine and not against her. The latter is a no-no. The H/H relationship is sacred.
by Kerry Allen March 29th, 2007 at 8:22 amNo, I can’t look past it. I wouldn’t buy a book if I knew that kind of storyline was involved. I think it’s because my reading is an escape and I don’t want that in my esape if that makes sense.
by Nell Dixon March 29th, 2007 at 8:29 amI can’t look past cheating either.
I don’t tolerate it in my own relationship so I certainly don’t tolerate it in my fantasy women’s. Gotta treat my girls at least as well as I treat myself.
I even take it one step further (but this isn’t a deal breaker), preferring the one true love concept. That’s how love happened to me (the hubby being the only romantic love of my life) so that’s my concept of love.
by Kimber Chin March 29th, 2007 at 8:36 am
No way, Jose! Nosirrrreee, Bob! Not gonna happen. No excuses. Not ever.:twisted: Was that strong enough? I also hate deadbeat dad ‘heroes’ too. I trained myself as an adolescent to only be attracted to guys who have excellent dad potential. Now that I’m thirtysomething, that includes excellent dad qualifications. 
I also can’t stand a heroine who would fall for either kind of loser.
by Kimber An March 29th, 2007 at 8:47 amI second Kerry Allen
by Mei-Mei March 29th, 2007 at 8:50 amI agree, wholeheartedly.
by Bernita March 29th, 2007 at 8:56 amInfidelity is the most basic of betrayals.
An honest, honourable person ends the other relationship first.
Frankly, I think that the romance genre and the people in it fuss entirely too much.
Some people consider fictional adultery wrong. Some go into spasms about gay relationships being portrayed as involving love as well as sex–because romance is ONLY about one man and one woman. I’ve seen romance fans, for lack of a better word, have conniption fits over the concepts that a hero could sexually desire his wife if he loved her but didn’t want to have children with her; that decent people could possibly get married as a business arrangement (which marriage was for much of history) and still make an amiable go of it; that love is not always of the true variety; that love does not fix everything wrong in a person’s life, and can create some of the most cruel agonies of all.
I don’t mind escapism; it’s a perfectly valid reason for reading a story. But nevertheless, romance is hemmed about with too many issues. This does not count as romance. How could you believe that a person like THIS or a person who committed THAT act could possibly be capable of love? There is an annoying tendency to try to trim love down to fit the existing and somewhat limited preconceptions of the genre…even though love itself defies all restrictions, and always has.
Shun cheaters in real life; that’s sensible behavior. Don’t read about adulterous heroes or heroines, if that’s your pleasure.
But…
Love does not come with a rulebook. It does not stay safely behind fenceposts, never straying beyond its borders. It is not an emotion solely issued to the virtuous, the well-behaved, the respectable.
Love IS. End of story.
by Gehayi March 29th, 2007 at 8:56 amLiving through it in my first marriage was enough. I certainly don’t want to read about it in a romance. I’d never be able to see a cheating hero as heroic. And there’s a name for a cheating heroine. Homewrecker.
by Kristen March 29th, 2007 at 8:59 amDespite the fact that some say we read trash, we have standards. Stricter standards, perhaps, than readers in other genres. For me the idea that the h/h don’t get with anyone else from the time they meet (or at least realize the special “thing” between them), is written in stone. I’m not even comfortable with them looking at or thinking about someone else in a sexual way. I find it impossible to forgive the straying partner and the author as well. They both violated trust.
Yeah, these things happen in life and there’s a place for that in fiction, and the books have to get shelved somewhere. But if you’re going to call it Romance, I’d like it to come with a warning label.
by Susan March 29th, 2007 at 9:28 amI can forgive in life and in fiction. I like my characters human, not holier-than-thou icons.
by Alessia Brio March 29th, 2007 at 9:46 amThe only book I can think of off the top of my head where the hero was married and in love with someone else was Jane Eyre. Now there, I was rooting for him to ditch the crazy wife and run away with Jane. Having said that, though, the Rochester quandry is probably the only type of cheating I would tolerate. Sometimes a guy can just get trapped and want the heck out of a bad marriage - but he needs to get out before any real romance can happen.
by B.E. Sanderson March 29th, 2007 at 10:05 amIt’s a complete killer for me. I even have trouble with the old “my wife is insane and locked in the attic, and I’m a trooper for taking care of her” gothic plot thingey. Bleck.
by Ciar Cullen March 29th, 2007 at 10:16 amI think Gehayi makes a good point about not pigeonholing or blacklisting certain kinds of stories or characters — otherwise you end up reading the same sorts of things all the time. That said, generally speaking I don’t care for adultery plots in romance (where the hero cheats on his wife with the heroine) mainly because the happy ending requirement seems to force all writers down the same distasteful path.
Because we need to root for the heroine, the hero’s wife is inevitably A) a psychotic harpy who B) cheats on him and flaunts her affairs in his face, C) goes out of her way to make him miserable, and D) is too selfish to be a good mother to their children. The only way to resolve this wretched circumstance is to kill the wife off so the hero and heroine can be happy together.
These unfortunate women are never real characters but rather cardboard stand-ins who deserve everything they’ve got coming to them because they’re so cartoonishly awful. Because it could never be the hero’s fault that he’s cheating — he must be driven to it. And you shouldn’t feel sorry for the children whose mother is about to die, because the heroine will make a much better parent. And try to forget about the fact that these two only achieved happiness through the (usually violent) death of someone else.
Ick!
by Kimber March 29th, 2007 at 10:24 amI can only think of three books I’ve read that involved infidelity, two worked for me, and one didn’t. I won’t point out the one that didn’t (I’m 99% sure it’s the same one that kicked off this blog topic). The two that did work were Jasmine Haynes’s Open Invitation and Pam Rosenthal’s RITA nominated The Slightest Provocation.
Hayne’s book is a collection of contemporary erotic romances. In the first novella the wife steps out on her husband after years of his refusing to address his lack of a sex drive and her urging him repeatedly to do something about it and save their marriage. What can I say? She made it work, and I thought the angst and guilt the wife had to go through was realistically handled and believable.
In Rosenthal’s book, the infidelity is all “off stage”. It’s an historical reconciliation book staring a couple who’ve been separated for years. It makes sense that these two people—being who they are, which is beautifully shown—would have taken lovers during the years they were apart. It would have been entirely unrealistic to have had them not sleeping with other people during the separation. I didn’t have a problem with it at all, especially because it wasn’t a major issue between them.
Rochester’s a scumbag because he misleads Jane. Sure you feel for him, but it’s not the idea of adultery or eve bigamy that makes me dislike him, it’s the abuse of trust and love.
by Kalen Hughes March 29th, 2007 at 10:29 amI take issue with heroes who are dicks in general–if they do especially brutal things as their “faulty side”, I have a difficult time getting into the novel.
I won’t say cheating is always bad, sometimes I can see it, but if a hero lies for fun, or calls the heroine horrid names or something, I just don’t see why she’d be with him. Jerk /= hot guy, period.
That’s me, though, who agreed with the gamma male post, lol.
by Amelia March 29th, 2007 at 10:34 amThe hero in my first novel was a divorced cheating pig of a man. When he started getting serious with the heroine he told her why his first wife left him, and admitted he didn’t know if he could be faithful to her. That was part of the plot, whether she could trust him or not. Wouldn’t you know, she could. Would you read that?
by Ruth March 29th, 2007 at 10:41 amThis is an excellent discussion and I can see both sides. I’ll be interested to see what people think of my book, Your Alibi, where the heroine runs a business catering to cheaters, and the hero (whose soon to be ex wife patronized the alibi service) comes to try to find out the truth before he gets a divorce.
Is it adultery when you’re separated and getting a divorce?
Yes, Ruth, I’d give it a chance. I love the redemption of a bad boy but it would have to be really well done.
by Annie Dean March 29th, 2007 at 10:59 am:neutral:This issue is rooted deeply in each individual. This means it is highly unlikely anyone will be convinced otherwise. When it comes down to it, the romances which resonate with the majority will continue to be bought while the others will not. And that will decide whether they belong in the genre or not.
by Kimber An March 29th, 2007 at 11:14 amI’m thinking of a couple of good examples I’ve read recently–Mary Balogh’s The Secret Pearl, JR Ward’s Lover Eternal–both had infidelity, both worked well for me. Also, technically, Robin Schone’s “Awaken My Love” has infidelity, and I enjoyed that book as well.
There’s so much polyamorous e-romance out there, too–not sure if that falls under the “cheating” description, though.
Ten years ago I would have tossed a book across the room if there was infidelity; now not so much, I guess less bothers me these days. I think it very much depends on the story, though.
by Meredith March 29th, 2007 at 11:24 amMeredith, I’m wondering the same thing. One of my books (Table for Four) deals with two couples who swap spouses. If both the hero and the heroine agree and enjoy the practice, does that make it “cheating?”
by Diana Hunter March 29th, 2007 at 11:47 amMe too, a real bad boy, not the fake ones we get in most of the “bad boy” books.
Maybe I’m a little :twisted:, but yes I’d definitely read Ruth’s book and I’m looking forward to Annie’s “Your Alibi”, read the excerpt on her site and looked very interesting.
I like the author to take me on an interesting ride, something that I may not be willing to do in real life.
by Tara Marie March 29th, 2007 at 11:57 amOne of my books (Table for Four) deals with two couples who swap spouses. If both the hero and the heroine agree and enjoy the practice, does that make it “cheating?”
I’m not sure I would call this a romance. Not in the genre sense. An erotic novel with romantic elements, perhaps, but not a romance.
And no, if the couple are swingers or polyamorous, IMO it’s not “cheating”.
by Kalen Hughes March 29th, 2007 at 12:11 pmFor me, it depends on how well it’s written. Some writers can pull off a story device like that and I don’t have a problem with it. Other writers can’t, and it leaves me unable to finish the book.
by Jordan March 29th, 2007 at 1:41 pmAh, I did think of one on my shelf, The Senator’s Wife by Karen Robards. As I recall, the senator was a jackass, she agreed to stay with him through the next election, and he got his worthless self killed anyway because he was such a tool. Didn’t bother me a bit (his death or her finding happiness with someone better).
I also seem to remember one or two “you’ll stay with me forever, bitch, or I’ll do something awful to the child” stories. That guy, to me, also doesn’t get any sympathy if his wife falls into the arms of a real man. And I vaguely remember a historical where the husband was “gay” and sodomized the heroine on a regular basis (which would be not homosexual, but that’s a whole nother discussion…
), and I also felt she deserved better.
The cuckolded spouse is generally depicted as larger-than-life rotten specifically because virtually no reader is going to respond favorably to a hero or heroine who screws around just ’cause they’re skanky.
by Kerry Allen March 29th, 2007 at 1:45 pmOutside romance, it really doesn’t bother me and if author is really good, redemption is possible and the story memorable. Same can be said for romance, if the author can pull it off, my hat goes to her or him. There are reasons why people cheat, broken marriages can be fixed. Most solid marriages have had to deal with this issue so I’m not averse to seeing a marriage survive past it. After all, every marriage has it’s up and downs. It’s a fantasy or unrealistic to think that people don’t cheat on their spouse but I realize that many don’t want to read about it, fair enough. I’m not averse to reading a story that featured adultery but I don’t go looking for them either and oh, cravat would be that Laura Kinsale or Judith Ivory or some other talented romance author would have to write it in order for me to read it. How do you like that answer? I’m sure it’s the minority view but mine. I haven’t read everybody else’s as I have too much to do today. Adios. Excellent topic, btw.
by Keishon March 29th, 2007 at 2:05 pmGreat comments.
Keishon…I like your reasoning. To be honest, if Judith Ivory were to come back and write a novel with an adulterous prick of a hero, then I just might run to the book stores to buy and read it.
It takes an amazing writer, to redeem an adulterous character. I will eventually read the book I refer to at the beginning of the column, but I just have to be honest…my first instinct is to hide the book and read it later…much much later.
Will address everyone else later…I’m on my lunch break right now and will get to this after work.
by Daniela March 29th, 2007 at 2:33 pmWith the exception of extenuating circumstances, I can’t stand it in contemporary fiction.
I am, however, a bit more accepting in historical. Traditionally, marriages were not based upon love but upon political and material value. An emotional bond between the husband and wife wasn’t necessary, and while it manifested in time for some couples, that wasn’t a guarantee.
If the marriage is basically only of convenience (or if the character is engaged to be wed in an arranged marriage), then I can’t say it’s a dealbreaker for me. But that’s my personal preferences.
As for polyamory or swinging in romance, I don’t see that as cheating. It is — or should be — fully consensual by both partners. I can see it not being someone’s cup of tea, but I wouldn’t classify it as “adultery.”
by Nonny March 29th, 2007 at 3:06 pmI agree with Nonny’s post. I’ve found myself accepting adultery in historical romances as something normal due to the extraneous circumstances in which the marriages were arranged. But I definitely can’t put up with adultery in contemporaries.
by Tempest Knight March 29th, 2007 at 3:09 pm*shrug* I don’t care one way or the other. I don’t read for fantasies of a romantic ideal, which tend to leave me depressed (’cause things really aren’t that way). I read for a reflection of reality, something that helps me examine life and possibly give me new angles from which to understand the human experience. So adultery wouldn’t throw me out of a story, as long as I can accept the characters as realistic, and as long as I find at least one of them sympathetic.
by Nancy Gee March 29th, 2007 at 4:47 pmTrue love is about forgiveness and accepting people for who they are–mistakes and all. I’m actually surprised that so many people despise the cheating in a romance to the point that they wouldn’t read the book. I think some of the best relationships I know of are the ones who were broken down by betrayal but built their way back up through love, forgiveness and communication. That’s what love is about and if an author can write it, then I can read it. It can actually be more than a happy ending–it can be beautiful.
by Mel March 29th, 2007 at 5:00 pmIt doesn’t bother me.
But it goes with what your definition of a romance book is. If it has to be what is thought of the “standard” and my opinion “boring and somewhat limiting” of one man/one woman/happily ever after.
But if it’s a real romance, to me, that means realistic not fantastical. I read for pleasure not to escape. I don’t seek out books to escape but rather to enjoy the ride that the author takes me on.
There aren’t very many books that are wall-bangers for me.
I understand personal preferance but to completely dismiss a plot subject without even reviewing the book and seeing how it’s handled or if it’s any good, kinda bothers me a bit. And I’ve dealt with infidelity and adultry in my previous marriage but it isn’t something that I couldn’t read about. I can separate the too - fiction and reality.
If it’s well written and handled and not glossed over then I’ll read it. In both erotic romance and traditional ones too.
I like genuine, relatable, human and realistic characters with flaws and problems not idealized, unrealistic, fantastical characters that don’t resist outside of romance novels. I believe in real, true love but sometimes I think that romantic novels and songs give us an unrealistic view of the world, relationships and romance. I don’t want perfection in my hero’s but someone who I can see myself with - someone who could be perfect for me.
by Avid Book Reader March 29th, 2007 at 6:24 pmUnless the novel is extremely well-written or breaking some kind of romance genre boundary, I usually do not want to read about a hero or heroine who cheats. Real life, or literary fiction, or chick lit or any other genre I get used to the muddles. When I read romance novels I like knowing that in most cases I am focusing on two people. There are a few exceptions where cheating seemed to flesh out the story. I don’t remember too much about the Shattered Rose (read it ages ago and must find my copy) but the heroine’s betrayal of her husband and the consequences of that betrayal were explored well. In general though once a hero cheats on a heroine (or vice versa) I want to put down the book - the same way I am disgusted if he/she physically harms the other, acts like a complete moron (more so than romance book characters usually do I mean) etc.
by tweedledani March 29th, 2007 at 6:35 pmWeighing in… adultery or infidelity happen for all sorts of reasons. Generally speaking, if I’m reading a romance, I expect the hero and heroine to end up together, and I’m more impressed by a couple who makes it through tough situations and works through them to come out stronger in the end than I am ones who don’t face such challenges. But it really depends. I can’t dismiss it entirely because it might work for me in one story and utterly make me cringe and toss the book in another. I wouldn’t automatically discount a book because of adultery but I woudln’t necessarily say “ooh! Cheaters!” and pick up a book with it in there, either.
I have touched on the themes of infidelity and adultery and so have though a lot about this topic as a reader (would I want to read this) and as an author (will someone want to read this.) Broken’s cover copy plainly states that Sadie’s married and is fulfilling sexual fantasies through listening to stories told by another man. For some people, this is adultery as simply as if they went to bed and had sex. For others, there are lines. I thought long and hard while writing Broken about what Sadie was doing, and was it cheating, and how could she do this, and how could she be redeemed? How could anyone respect her? More importantly, how could she respect herself? And what it came down to is that Broken might not be considered, by some, to be a “romance,” first of all. Second, Sadie has her reasons for needing the thrill of sexual discovery with someone other than her husband. And she doesn’t take them lightly, and she doesn’t willy nilly go falling into a stranger’s arms just because she’s got an itch to scratch. So in the end, I guess the reader will have to decide if Broken is a book they want to risk, because it does touch on infidelity, it is sexually graphic (Spice lists it as erotic fiction) and it is not lighthearted by any means. I understand that some might pass it up for those reasons, but for those who pick it up and give it a chance, I hope you like it!
I also touched on infidelity in my third book for Spice, which is about a woman, her husband and his best friend. The question there was, is it cheating if you’re given permission? If, in fact, encouraged? That was a whole different view on what constitutes adultery for me and the book’s a lot different than Broken in its treatment of it.
So…I guess for me as a reader, if the book’s well-told it’s not a deal breaker for me. As a writer, I’ve definitely explored it and the emotional context of it and how it would affect relationships. If I were writing a more traditional romance, I doubt I’d put cheating in it, though.
M
by Megan Hart March 29th, 2007 at 7:54 pmI’ll try not to mention the author here…I read a series about a family whose patriarch cheated on the mother. We knew this because the fruit of the affair (a son) was given a book early in the series. A few books later, the author wrote the “love story” of the parents…i.e. the father and the woman he cheated on about 2 yrs into their happy marriage. I couldn’t read it…didn’t want to, because I knew the hero would cheat on the heroine. The author justified the adultery as some lame attempt by the hero to make some widow happy. So…moral of this is that it take an amazing writer to tackle a topic like this in a romance novel and have the characters come out unscathed.
I’m not completely cutting out books with adulterous characters, but my gut instinct is always to avoid them at all costs.
by Daniela March 29th, 2007 at 8:49 pmI know I’ve read books where the hero or heroine has cheated (and I don’t read a lot of historicals, so they must have been contemps), and I don’t remember not being able to find a way to forgive the person somehow.
But I’ll admit, I don’t look for these kinds of books. If the book description is blunt enough to let me know there’s cheating (without what I consider good reason), I won’t pick it up.
It’s funny that Megan Hart posted on this topic, because I’ve been thinking of her “Broken” since I started reading this blog. I absolutely loved her “Dirty”. But when I read the description of “Broken”, I figured I’d probably be passing that one by, despite my suspicion it’d be another emotional story. My loss, I suspect, but I just can’t see a reason to seek out stories about people who can’t be faithful or make the tough choice to leave the relationship.
by Miki March 29th, 2007 at 11:26 pmI’m very much of an “it depends” person, since I’m willing to see almost any setup or resolution in a love story. But we’ve all got things we can’t get behind. Mine is quite particular: stories where the pov character is a man married to a woman, but who has recreational sex with men in a shallow way (and the woman isn’t a party to this). Now: I’m not against bisexuality, nonmonogamy or polyamory (which I’m not sure are the same thing), or even recreational sex. But as a story focus it doesn’t work for me. It irritates me somehow.
by Lucy Kemnitzer March 29th, 2007 at 11:28 pmLucy,
That’s one thing that irritates me too. And I consider myself to be a pretty open minded reader.
by Avid Book Reader March 29th, 2007 at 11:53 pmHey, Miki…Broken won’t be for everyone, that’s true. I wish I could say “oh, but it’s not CHEATING, because they don’t TOUCH” but that’s kind of a cop out. All I can say is — Sadie’s marriage is failing under the weight of a husband who’s allowed his injuries to prevent him from making love to her. She doesn’t leave him. She doesn’t even physically stray. But she has fantasies. Whether anyone thinks that’s cheating is a personal distinction and I wouldn’t presume to make that distinction for anyone. I’m not going to rainbow glitter up the book to make anyone read it.
It’s not about cheating, it’s not about infidelity — it’s about what happens to a marriage when one person gives up.
I thank you for reading Dirty. I’m so glad you liked it. And I completely understand if you pass up Broken because you think it won’t appeal to you.
M
by Megan Hart March 30th, 2007 at 2:42 amIt isn’t a deal breaker for me. A good writer can convince me that cheating was okay. People are complicated and have complicated relationships. I try to judge no one in real life or in romance novels and even if I think, “I wouldn’t do that,” I can respect a character making the choice if the circumstances are right.
by Mary March 30th, 2007 at 2:42 amI’m in a committed, monogamous relationship of 7 years that we both intend to stay in till death do etc. I find it difficult to sympathize with women who date married men, because what they’re getting (if they get the bozo, which they usually don’t) is a man who will cheat. And they don’t even have the excuse of not knowing that he’s so inclined, so when he cheats on them they haven’t a leg to stand on. I think 98% of the married men whose wives ‘don’t understand them’ are lying SOBs who are too lazy or emotionally cowardly to deal with their issues.
BUT. I also recognize that people vary. The Jane Eyre argument still holds, as I see it. Never mind the legal obligation; a man who divorces a woman who’s mentally or physically disabled is breaking his word. Sickness or health–I don’t know any mentally ill people who got that way on purpose. (Statistically, more men leave disabled women than vice-versa… maybe they don’t read the fine print on the marriage vows?)
But caring for a disabled person is incredibly draining, and if a spouse who is trying to be honorable steps over the line with a friend who’s trying to be sympathetic and supportive, I wouldn’t cast the first stone. I’ve known a couple of cases where if a person in an impossible situation hadn’t found consolation elsewhere, s/he probably would have broken under the strain. Dan Savage did a column on this recently, and I tend, overall, to agree with his “judge not” attitude in real life.
Life throws curves–I remember one fictional character I would never have imagined cheating–BJ Hunnicut, in MASH. Remember the episode? An old friend receives a “Dear Jane” letter and BJ winds up consoling her a bit too directly, and going through a hell of guilt afterward. I could easily accept this sort of situation in a romance novel, when the infidelity really is a case of compassion gone too far, if the consequences are handled honestly.
SO–overall, in re: romances? It isn’t even my favorite genre to read; I think HEA is overly simplistic and a romance has to be written very well for me to enjoy watching the dance when the formula requires a particular outcome. I much prefer ‘happy ending’ even if it’s not HEA. Hell, I’d like to see a romance where the heroine realizes the ‘hero’ is no such thing and tells him to hit the road.
Yes, that can be a happy ending… I hate seeing the heroine bend herself into knots rationalizing why some jerk is not really a jerk because he’s had such a hard time. I don’t like romanticizing bad boys. There’s usually a reason they’re called “bad,” as in, “not good,” as in, “BIG mistake.” I’ve seen too many friends figure that out after they’ve had to call the cops or bail the bad boy out of jail. I’d rather see a heroine make an intelligent decision, dump the bad BOY and find herself a good MAN in a sequel.
I think that as human experience broadens, so does the definition of “romance.” Just as the category now includes erotic romance, same-sex partnerships (I know a gay couple who have been together for 23 years, and they’re still madly in love with each other) and even shape-changing dragons… there’s probably room for romances that deal with the more realistic issues that many real-life couples face.
With the small-press options of e-books and print