In a romance book, a hero can’t make one grand gesture and have the reader believing that true love suddenly reigns supreme. Reality’s like that, too. One action doesn’t make the man. But all the little ones do.
I’m the first to admit that my husband isn’t Mr. Romance. He rarely brings home flowers, but when he does it’s a really big deal. He doesn’t plan dates. He’s more likely to say, “Honey, let’s go to a movie. What’s playing?” at which point I’ll pull up Fandango and give him my top three choices. It works for us and I have no complaints.
But every now and then, my husband will do something that will force me to put the rest of our marriage into perspective. Most recently it was ‘the Hawaiian Shirt’. And he’ll never live it down. Never ever ever. Ever.
Let me set the scene for you. (Keep in mind that I bore this man five, count them, five beautiful children, which are his pride and joy.) So, it’s the day before Mother’s Day last year. We’re at his brother’s house and my husband–call him Carlos, you know, since that’s his name–leaves early to go home and study. (He’s a never-ending scholar, that guy of mine.)
On the way home, he makes a pit stop, most likely for a bag of chips, or maybe even for some beer to help him through his reading. And as if the heavens have opened up and shone a light down, he spots it. The perfect Mother’s Day gift for me, his wife. (Insert choral angels singing here.)
You guessed it, it’s that afore mentioned lovely red Hawaiian shirt, nicely priced at $9.99. Eureka! He buys it. He sticks it in a gift bag. His gift buying job is done.
Fast-forward to the next day. I open said gift and somehow manage to keep a smile plastered on my face. Surely umpteen hours of labor are worth more than this, I think. No, I remind myself, it’s the thought. He says he wants to have a backyard party and this is the perfect shirt for me, his sexy wife, to wear. He probably thought long and hard about this gift.
Then I look at the tag. And gasp. A men’s large! This is what he thinks I wear! The horror!!
He quickly explains that he thought I’d wear a swim suit under it, and that it looked comfy. Slick talker, that Carlos.
Well, that shirt still hangs in my closet, with the tags still on, and it’s a reminder to me of many things.
1. People show love in many different ways…not only through gifts on ‘Hallmark” holidays (nice as those are).
2. Characters in books need to be just as complicated and unpredictable as their real-life counterparts.
3. Nobody is defined by one simple gesture or act (real-life or fictional).
Men’s Hawaiin shirt or not, my husband shows love in a thousand other ways. It’s the way he comes up behind me and hugs me at the sink. It’s the way he emails me and propositions me online. It’s the way he cleans up the kitchen after dinner, or makes me hot tea, or makes me laugh. Everyday. So while he won’t ever win the gift-giving prize, he’s a true romantic, an Alpha male that romance heroes should take a lesson from. The little things add up to a great big fantastic whole.
Now that’s a believable character.
What’s your favorite romantic gesture, from your real-life guy or from a fictional love? And really, would it be considered ‘romantic’ in the traditional sense?
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Something similar to this happened to me…
A couple of years ago, right around our “anniversary” time, Sweetheart says to me, “I got you something, but you can’t have it until this date(our anniversary).” I’m impressed with his foresight, but at the same time, I had three weeks to kill waiting for that day. So time goes on, I’m wondering what it is, then he announces he’s invited his family to go sailing with us on that day. So then I start thinking, is this it? Is he going to ask The Question??? I mean, he’s invited his family and everything!
So the day arrives, my stress level is up, we’re all out on the boat and he says, “Happy Anniversary, Honey!”….
and hands me a Cleveland Browns T-shirt.
(I still haven’t worn it.)
Ahhh. The Hawaiian shirt. Sounds familiar. Great gifts? Two things. For my birthday a few years back, he threw me a surprise birthday party (80s style), which ended up being totally fun. The slightly clueless part was that he let me walk in wearing sweats, a formula stained shirt, no make-up, and bad hair (by this I mean tangled, not teased). The other “gift” I love is when we’re at a party, talking to two different people, and he’ll reach out his hand and rub my back just to let me know he’s thinking of me. You’re right, those small unconscious gestures are the best. Thanks for the reminder!
One of the most romantic things my hubby has ever done was go to the library and take out books for me (when I was sick).
Picture my ultra alpha he-male spending about an hour in the romance section, picking through the books looking for historicals, reading the back copy (I know because he explained why each book was chosen) and then taking them up to the checkout.
This is a guy who has only read one book in the 14 years I’ve known him (The Da Vinci Code and yes, the world knows he read that book).
Elizabeth, that’s hilarious! Glad you can laugh about the shirt now–and he must have figured things out, finally! I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of the Hawaiian shirt. Or the husband.
I can sure relate to the pregnancy-induced amnesia, Kimber! And to losing and finding the same weight. I love the gesture of finding you the perfect romance books, and telling you why he chose them! That’s special.
Wow, a surprise party, Virna! That’s sweet, but very funny about not setting you up to look your best! Men–gotta love ‘em.:lol:
I have a similar shirt incident. He learned from his mistake however! A couple of weeks ago when I was on deadline he called me in the middle of the day and told me not to go anywhere until he got home. I was so worried thinking he’d either lost his job or been diagnosed with a horrible illness. He got home and handed me the cutest pink cell phone you’ve ever seen. He said he’d had my old phone turned off so he didn’t want me out and about without service. The new phone also had a camera since I always forget mine and iTunes because he said he knows how I like to listen to the soundtracks I make for each book when I write and this way I could just bring my Alphasmart to coffee shops and not have to drag any other gadgets with me. Realizing that he understood how I worked and wanted to make it easier on me was so totally romantic!
When we were still dating, my now husband bought me flowers for my birthday. Fake ones. The cheapest ones out there. Because then he’d “never have to buy me flowers again.”
And well, he hasn’t.
But I still have the ugly fake ones!
My hubby can not dance to save his life, but let “I’ve had the time of my life” from Dirty Dancing come on and he is up, grabbing me close, and away we go. It is our song, the one we fell in love to each other with. We went to the movie, he hummed and danced me across the parking lot afterwards, and I thought, “I’m keeping this one.”
First I laughed all the way through Misa’s post.
Then I laughed all the way through the comments.:lol:
I bore my hubby five kids, too. Sons, no less. I figure he owes me big time for the rest of our lives. Still, he was the one who got up with all the babies, changed them and brought them to me to nurse, then would fall asleep with them on his chest.
Which kinda makes up for the set of three splatter screens he gave me last Christmas…:roll:
Emma said: When we were still dating, my now husband bought me flowers for my birthday. Fake ones. The cheapest ones out there. Because then he’d “never have to buy me flowers again.”
And well, he hasn’t.
LOL!! I got a velvet rose from a gas station once.
karen said: Which kinda makes up for the set of three splatter screens he gave me last Christmas…
LOLOL! Does it? I think we’re still owed!
Melissa and Jill, your hubby’s sound very romantic! I think I want mine to be more romantic sometimes, but I probably wouldn’t know what to do with him if he were!
Oh, and the best part about the splatter screens? He ADMITTED that, because he waited until the last minute (because, y’know, because there’s never any warning when Christmas is coming
), he was standing in Target and just plain panicked.
And after 28 years, I haven’t killed him yet.
Um, Karen, what IS a splatter screen?
“I bore my hubby five kids, too. Sons, no less.”
Right. Because girls would have been ‘less’ than boys somehow. Knock off the sexism will ya.
Misa — a splatter screen is a flat round screen you fit over a frying pan or whatever to keep the grease from covering half the kitchen.
Kris — Sexist? Not hardly! Heck, anyone who knows me, or my husband, would know we’re about the least sexist people on the planet. We both wanted at least one daughter, and would have been just as happy if all five kids had been girls instead of boys. So my comment had nothing to do with any smugness about having produced boys!
My point was…while boys and girls present different sets of challenges (not more, not less, just different), it is generally accepted that MOST boys operate at a louder, more energized, and less-able-to-consider-the-consequences-of-their-actions level than MOST girls. If there is a way for a boy to wound himself (or one of his brothers), he will inevitably figure it out. The concept of risk doesn’t even fully compute until they’re past twenty-five (which is actually a scientifically proven fact). Even though most of them are grown now, I still buy Band-Aids in bulk, just out of habit.
And to make matters worse, I had been one of those quiet, obedient little girls who liked to play with my dolls, draw and color for hours on end, and read. I had NO idea what awaited me when these little critters started arriving with great regularity at our house!
Hence me “he owes me” comment…because I survived, LOL!
Karen, I now understand the difference between girls and boys–my first 3 boys were pretty mellow, then we had our girl, and she’s a princessy tomboy. Now, the little one is the real rascal of the bunch and runs and fights circles around the others. Compared to my friends whose girls play so quietly, our house is always so loud and energetic!
As to the splatter screen…OMG!!! I have one of those. I like it, but I sure don’t need three of them!
But at least they were in different sizes…:lol:
(The splatter screens, I mean. As well as the kids!)
Explained this thread to my wife Valerie and asked her if there was anything romantic about me. (Seemed like a good conversation starter.) I had a couple ideas what her answer would be, but turns out I’m clueless.
She said it was the fact that whenever she met someone I knew or worked with or they always already know all about her. Especially since due to the nature of the helping industry 80% of the people I come in contact with are female.
Apparently something about other women telling her “You are _all_ he talks about!” makes her feel particularly romantic. Go figure.
My husband always takes the nightshift with our son. From the very start, he realised how hard I found it to deal with the night-time nappy-changes and feeds and has done it pretty much from the start to this very day.
It may not be romantic, but that’s love.