Anyone who’s ever had a toddler has probably heard this phrase. Most notably at dinner time. My two year old says it before even tasting any new dish I place in front of her. Sometimes, we beg and cajole her to just “take one bite†and other times, I put it in front of her and walk away, knowing she’ll say “I don’t like it†just to be stubborn, but as soon as my back is turned, she’ll be giving it at try—and end up eating the whole thing.
But bloghopping and visiting romance forums gives me the chance to hear a similar phrase from more than just my two-year old. Instead it’s: I don’t like/read…romance, erotic romance, AA romance, secret babies, amnesia stories, soul mates, vampires, ebooks, erotica, fantasy…fill in your blank.
Sometimes people who’ve never tried the genre or storyline are saying “I don’t like itâ€, sometimes it’s people who have tried it once, and sometimes it’s people who have tried it repeatedly. I’m not un-guilty of this myself. I’ve said in the past that I don’t like secret baby stories or Harlequin Presents. Yet, that’s patently not exactly true. I’ve contracted (and enjoyed) two secret baby stories for publication. I read several Harlequin Presents a month, some I don’t care for and some, such as Lucy Monroe’s books, I like very much.
I’d like to think that when I say “I don’t like it†I’ll be willing to give room for exceptions, such as the above, and that I’m basing my statements on experience. And not just one experience, because maybe I picked up an example that’s not representative of the genre, or the basic storyline. (Of course, we all like to think we’re not doing what we dislike, so I’m probably doing a great job of deluding myself here!)
I don’t know about the rest of you, but it irks me to hear someone say “I’d never read a romance, ever, because I know I wouldn’t like it.†Or “I read one a long time ago and I didn’t like it, so I know I wouldn’t like them.†And “Romances are all about people having sex and making goo-goo eyes at each other. There’s no real story. Just a lot of throbbing swords of lust and ripping bodices.â€
Now, insert the genre you write (or the format—ie ebooks). Imagine your peers—your fellow romance writers—are saying this about your genre. The very people who you hope will help build up romance, cutting down parts of it. I don’t like AA romance. I don’t like erotic romance. I don’t like inspirational romance. I’ve never read (fill in the blank with AA/erotic/inspirational/vampires/paranormal/ebooks) but I know I wouldn’t like it because (there’s too much sex, I can’t relate, it’s gross, too unbelievable, too far-fetched, too preachy, poorly edited, badly written). Or I read one and it was total crap, so I was right, I don’t like it.
As readers and fans of romances, as authors who want to attract new readers, as professionals in the romance industry, we are constantly defending our corner of the market against sneers and put-downs, urging people to “give it a try, not just once, but try a couple, you might be surprised. There’s a lot of variety.†But we forget that this is true not just of romance, but of different romance genres. Instead, we close ourselves off and say “I don’t like Harlequin Presents because the heroines always get pregnant accidentally.†and never read one again. Or “I don’t like erotic romance because the one I read had a ménage and all they did was have sex.†Or “I don’t like AA romance because I picked up one that used a lot of slang I didn’t understand.â€
Little do we realize that we’re doing the same to others in the romance industry, that those outside of it do to us as a whole.
Now, I’m not saying it’s not okay to not “like†something. I still don’t pick up a secret baby book as my first choice. And Harlequin Presents don’t comprise the bulk of my reading. There are always going to be themes, storylines and genres that aren’t my favorite, my first choice or that I don’t care as much for. But I want to be able to say I’ve given them a chance, not be like the non-romance reader, who says “no way in hell†just because they “think†they won’t like it. If we can’t give each other a fair chance, how can we expect people outside the romance industry to do so? Are we expecting more from others than we ask of ourselves?
They say it takes a toddler sometimes up to ten times of trying a new food before they “like†it. When do you think it’s okay to say there’s a romance genre/plot/storyline you don’t like?
***
Addendum:
I wrote this post a few weeks ago and then sat on it, because it niggled at me. I was poking holes in my own post (you know it’s a problem when you poke holes in your own post). I hate that people say they don’t ever read a genre or type of book (or a certain format of books) because they just know they wouldn’t like it, like I wrote above. But at the same time, I think it’s okay for readers to have comfort zones. Maybe you don’t want to read about a seventeen year-old heroine, or a same sex relationship, or anal sex, BDSM, books with explicit language…because they make you uncomfortable. But is it okay to say you don’t read AA romances for the same reason? Is there a difference between having a comfort zone and closing yourself off from a genre, or from ebooks, and perhaps missing out on something wonderful, just as those who don’t read romance are missing out on entire shelves of fantastic books?
As you can see, I’m not entirely sure of what the answer is, but I do think that it’s about absolutes and about not ripping apart something you’ve never tried. If you can’t speak from experience (and one book doesn’t make you experienced, just as performing one haircut doesn’t make a barber experienced) then sweeping absolutes and grand statements about knowing how much you’d dislike it or how bad the genre/format is, should probably be avoided. Who knows, you might later end up writing (or becoming of a fangirl of) that genre in the future and those sweeping absolutes will come back to haunt you!
No related posts.
I think it’s always ok to say something is not your cuppa. Otherwise you’re demanding that everyone like everything, and that makes no sense. Personally, paranormal is just not my thing. I try a few a year, but I’ve never found one that upon finsihing it I thought, “I have to hunt down this author’s back list.” Does this mean these are bad books? No way. It just means they’re not for me. AND THAT’S OK (or at least it is with me).
Agree we can and should try new things, and at least not depricate the things we don’t like just because we don’t like them — everyone’s entitled to an opinion, but sometimes the less said the better, or the old kindergarten advice, if you can’s say something nice… etc. On the other hand I don’t feel obligated to read everything the romance industry puts out, and I don’t think not doing so means I don’t support romance. I just support certain genres in romance, and I assume other readers support the ones I don’t know about or don’t like.
Sometimes one bad experience will put you off of trying again. I read a book last fall, I won’t say which genre but it was new for me, and I got about halfway through and was thinking “hey, this isn’t bad” until I hit the meat of it and nearly ran from the room like I’d found a big fat spider between the pages — I can’t say I’m in a rush to lay down another $15 for books of that variety. [G] Unfortunate, but true. Maybe if I saw one in a UBS or a friend gave it to me, I might try it again, but I probably wouldn’t pay for books in that genre.
Then again, I don’t often read fantasy, but I picked up Maria Snyder’s books on a whim and I was completely hooked. Like you mentioned with Lucy M’s books, I don’t know this means I’ll be buying more fantasy, though I will probably buy Snyder’s books when they come out. So, in that case it was worth the risk (and the time and the money)…
Sam
I’m with Kalen. Some things I like, and some I don’t. But whatever my personal preferences are, they don’t reflect on the choices other people make. For instance, I’m not big on reading overtly explicit sex scenes. I don’t like them, but I’m not going to slam people who do. To each his own.
Or to quote my great-grandmother “Whatever blows your skirt up.”
I love a good story. Period. Yet, vampires, Erotica, medical romances, and horror gross me out. Won’t touch them. I wondered why myself.:???: I realized it’s because I’ve been through four high-risk pregnancies, one resulting in a premature birth and another in a miscarriage. I’ve seen all the blood and graphic description of the human body I ever want to for one lifetime!
Other women who’ve been through the same thing may react differently, but that’s how I’ve reacted. The doctor or vampire could look like Brandon Frasure or Will Smith and I’d throw garlic at both of them and run away screaming.:shock:
There’s no way an author can know these things. Each reader will have her own reasons. If those reasons are based on mere assumptions, odds are good she’ll move beyond them eventually…if we play her with honey.:wink:
What a timely post!
I was given Still Life With Husband by Lauren Fox to read. I was sure, no 100% certain that I wouldn’t like it, that I would have to grind my way through it. I normally don’t like 1st person. I’m not a fan of chicklit style books. I absolutely shy away from any books about cheating (I have moral issues about the subject).
I loved the book. I devoured it in one sitting this weekend. It was so well written that I couldn’t put it down. And it is the first book to actually have me understanding the cheater’s point of view (though I do still think its wrong).
So never say never.
[...] First, I blogged at Romancing the Blog today. If you figure out the point of my post, please let me know, I managed to confuse myself
I’m still questioning my sanity in agreeing to go back, because blog topics? They’re not so easy to come by when you’re trying hard not to step on anyone’s toes or be fairly neutral, lolol. [...]
In general, I don’t like contemporaries, and that’s a huge swath of the romance genre. Enormous.
I don’t say that to hurt romance publishing or the authors who write contemporaries. But I’m not going to stop stating my preference because I forgot the Kindergarten adage about not saying anything if you can’t say anything nice. (This adage makes me just cringe, by the way.)
In general, I don’t like vampire romances, or werewolf romances, or shapeshifter romances. Well, geez, woman, you are limiting yourself. Yes, I know that I am.
And I have tried a few here and there. But I’m not reading them to protect any particular sector of the market. I’ve always liked vegetables–maybe I needed to try some more. I read them if I get interested in a particualr book (usually by reading a blog entry about it). With only two or three exceptions, whenever I’ve read a vampire, or a werewolf, or a contemporary, or a shapeshifter, I haven’t particularly liked it, but with my critical analysis hat on, I can see what aspects appealed to that blogger.
My reading choices are personal. Am I supposed to read books I don’t enjoy? I read to get a reaction from them book. It has to flow, it has to move me, and I have to be engaged with the characters. So far, I have found that *I* cannot relax enough while reading a contemporary to enjoy it. I can appreciate it technically, but usually, it’s not enjoyable.
I think what I’m responding to here is the idea that my reading choices should somehow be based on what is good for the industry. (Angie, I know you didn’t quite say that, but I’m getting that vibe nonetheless.) That before I say, “I don’t like contemporaries,” I should take a survey of the genre which I don’t like before I can dip back into the genre which I do like. That way it’s a balanced statement.
I don’t think that quite makes sense.
The easier thing to do here is to simply call Suisan a crank, one with a limited reading hobby. There are other readers who read broadly, and I say, “Hurray for them.”
I try to stay away from making sweeping generalizations, personally. Like you, I don’t want my words to come back and bite me in the behind. But also, I just like to speak from an educated standpoint. So, if I said I don’t like erotic romance and had never ever read one, I’d be making a rather ignorant statement.
I agree that it is everyone’s right to say whatever they want, whether it be based in any kind of logic, or not. It’s a free country. I just find myself not really listening to or taking people seriously when they make statements about what they don’t like when they’ve never tried it. But that’s just me… 
Great post!
LOL, I’m blogging about a similar subject on another blog Wednesday. My viewpoint was from a writer’s perspective though. I was close-minded about writing different genres in the beginning because I “didn’t like” others and now I find myself writing many of those I “didn’t like”. I too think it’s okay to not read one genre because it doesn’t do anything for you. Mine, now, are still historicals. I like to read certain periods of history but not others. I stay away from f/f because that’s just not me. Have I read one? No. Does that make me a hyprocrite? Probably. You can’t know if you don’t like it if you don’t read it, right? Just because there may be an aspect in it we don’t like, doesn’t mean the story will be bad. Grr…now you’ve made me think about more genres to try. Thanks.
One of the interesting things for me about judging the RITA awards is that I often receive books that I might not have picked up to read on my own. This isn’t because they’re from a genre that I don’t think I’d enjoy, because I opt in for certain categories, but because there are SO many books out there and I don’t have a full service bookstore anywhere near where I live. So, even a dedicated reader misses titles. One of the books that I just read, and truly enjoyed, is one that I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have picked up even in a bookstore because it isn’t my usual cup of tea and the back cover copy didn’t grab my interest. I’m glad that I “had” to read it for the RITAs because, like I said, I enjoyed the read and now want to get the author’s first book.
I feel the need to piggy back on every statement made here. I definitely have preferences. I prefer paranormal and historical to contemporary. I prefer erotica to sweet romance. I prefer third person to first. But I do not limit myself to those categories, because in the end a good book is a good book. I have discovered what I love, what I like, and what i have to pass on. I’m a moody person anyway so it really depends on what mood I am in.
)
In the end though you can’t say you don’t like what you’ve never tried. I used to say “I DON’T LIKE FIRST PERSON.” but it didn’t stop me from picking up the first Meredith Gentry novel. Which then led me to pick up the second and on and on. A friend gave me some fuzzy warm romances to read. Now I haven’t read them cause as stated they aren’t my type. But I will, because in the end its the story that moves me, and if they manage to move me, get me wrapped up then as a reader I am satisfied. (if I doesn’t I wont finish it)
Suisan, I never got that Angela was saying think about the industry. What she was saying is don’t close off something to which you know nothing about. How do you know you don’t like vampires unless you have read a couple of vampire novels. After that, you may go “naah don’t like that whole life of eternity thing”. well okay since you’ll more than likely get that in all vampire novels, then sure I gotcha. But if you’ve never picked up one how would you know.
Two switch it from reading to viewing
In movies I have two categories
those I will pay to see and those I will watch on cable.
I’ll pay to see fantasy, comic to film, martial arts, action, and some sci-fi films
I’ll watch on cable chick-fliks, dramas, comedies
and I flat out don’t do horror.
How did I come to this conclusion 1. as the viewer I spend my money where I want and feel I will get the best entertainment (as is the same with buying or getting the books that suit your genre) 2. I have seen several movies of every category listed above to be able to come up with my preferences. (Okay horror only twice. I’m no fool. Enough sleepless nights and you catch on real quick:oops:). I realized the pattern of the stories and it was not somethign I found myself “being entertained” by. (of course there are exceptions to the rules).
Having typed this comment, I realize what a hippocrite I’m being and must now pick up a category of book that I have claimed not to enjoy but never read. (Dag I hate it when I have to self reflect
To bring it back around as I child I hated lima beans, as an adult I love them. You know why, because I finally ate the beans.
There are factors that keep readers within their comfort zones, whether it’s an emotional issue, like Kimber An, personal reading preferences, like Suisan, time restraints or budget and I think that’s fine.
The problem with comfort zones and sticking to them too closely is you limit yourself. Romance is very cyclical, if you only read “Regency Period Romances” or “Paranormals” eventually they will become less popular and your reading material drys up? And, I speak from experience… A few years ago I was in such a rut that I comfort zoned myself into a 2 year reading slump where I read next to nothing. Went from 250+ books a year to 20.
And yet, I can completely understand when Kimber An or Suisan say “I don’t like…” and “I don’t read…” I HATE amnesia stories, I’ve read enough of them over the years to say this openly and feel comfortable saying it. Does hating amnesia stories make me somehow closed minded? I don’t think so, it means I know what I dislike. Does that mean I may miss out on some great romance because of this preference? Maybe. Am I going to worry about it in the mean time? Nope.
As long as you’re not feeling confined by your comfort zones or preferences it’s fine to stick with what you know and like, but if you’re disappointed with everything you’re reading it’s probably time to expand the comfort zone a little.
I thought Angela wsa saying try it, THEN decide whether or not you like it. I didn’t get the impression that she thinks anyone is obligated. Even if she had meant that-no worries. She can’t enforce it! I think it was just a suggestion based on LOGIC.
I loved your post and I admit I’ve been so guilty of writing off a specific genre for one stupid reason or another.
For instance I still don’t care to read paranormal, science fiction or fantasy. But I used to say “I don’t like Historical Romance” and yet I just picked up one that I abolutely love and I used say I didn’t like erotic either but I recently decided to give Bella Andre a try (Tempt Me, Taste Me, Touch Me) mainly because of the California Wine Country setting (I’m a major foodie). So really I guess you’re right you really shouldn’t totally write something off until you try it at least once.
Oooooo, I just finished Andre’s Tempt Me, Taste Me, Touch Me this morning. I couldn’t put it down. I’m on vacation in Morocco and now I have no book for the train ride from Marrakesh to Rabat (4+ hours). LOL! And there’s no English-language book store here. Guess it’s time to finally learn to love the eBook. *GRIN*
I think that the problem with saying you don’t like a certain thing is that when one person says, “I don’t like XYZ” another person hears “XYZ blows and everyone who likes it does too.”
I sometimes feel like the romance industry is over defensive (and with good reason after being looked down upon for so long).
But I totally agree about not speaking in absolutes – it’s fine if you don’t like something, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.
I read for pleasure so I’m going to pick up the books that will naturally appeal most to me first. In my case that’s contempts, and sweet romance. I read historicals, I’ve read erotica and paranormals, but they aren’t my first choice. When I’m looking to lose myself for a few hours in another world I want it to be a world of my choosing. Reading romance isn’t like making yourself read the classics, because you should or it’s good for you. It’s about enjoyment and pleasure, so I’m going to choose the book that for me I feel is mostly likely to deliver on that promise.
I’m guilty of that with some genres I suppose. But what really breaks me out of that rut, is if I have a friend/chapter member who sells in a different genre. I’ll buy the book to read and support them. And often that’s how you discover you may very well like those other genres. So, yes, I agree it’s good to branch out.
Now with the toddler and trying things 10 times. God, I wish. Apparently my kid didn’t get the memo.
I am a multi-genre person, I tend to love all the genres but the book has to be good. By good I mean good plot, characters, chemistry whatever. I don’t buy by genre, I buy by author or reviews. I am always looking out for new authors. And I think readers have to experiment with other genres, not just their comfort zone, or they might just miss out on something great.
I think that Gwyneth and Kimberly have made my point for me by pointing out that whilst we’re all entitled to our own preferences and ideals, it can be foolhardy to make sweeping generalisations (it makes me uncomfortable to think that I’d do that in any part of my life, including my reading matter).
But this is what I think is so refreshing with romance – the spectrum is so broad. Regardless of individual preferences, those of us prepared to try the genre can find pretty much anything that suits our palate.
Now, I’m not saying it’s not okay to not “like†something I’m glad you said this
. People are always going to have preferences. But like so many commenters have said, it’s about avoiding sweeping generalisations and, well, not to put too fine a point on it, stupid rudeness.
I do think there are two issues – how we deal with readers’ comfort zones, and how we deal with inter-genre criticism within romance. On the one hand, readers can darn well read what they like. On the other, everyone really ought to be able to expect a degree of respect from fellow romance writers, of whatever genre.
Moving from, “X romance books are rubbish,” to, “it’s not my cup of tea,” would be such a good, good move.
I suppose it’s okay to dislike a genre and openly declare it. But there’s a civil way of expressing it. Recently, at a party, when we were discussing a particular author who’s moved from romance to mysteries, an acquaintance said, “I wont’ ever read that author…she used to write those trashy romances; I prefer to read real literature.”
That kind of snootiness got my dander up. Although I write women’s mainstream fiction with a few romantic elements and not pure romance, I love reading romance in all its colors and flavors. I was rather upset at the woman and set her straight. I told her all writing was “good literature” if a publisher deemed it good enough to publish.
Shobhan Bantwal
Author of THE DOWRY BRIDE-Sept. 2007
A novel set in India
This post is exactly why I keep reviewing. Reviewing keeps me honest. Sure as shootin’ the minute I make a sweeping generalization like “I don’t like secret baby plots,” I invitably read a secret baby book I like.
Does this mean I go out of my way now looking for secret baby books? Not really. I still do have my preferences so on my own time I’m likely to be reading westerns, erotica or romantic suspense. But when it comes to reviewing? Even if it’s by an author who as “failed” me in the past or it features a plot device I hate – I keep an open mind. More often than not, I walk away very pleasantly suprised.
I’d like to think that a lack of time is the real issue and not a static mind. Reading different genres and publications that don’t necessarily gel with your safe zone keeps the brain active and young. Even if you don’t like Brussel Sprouts you need to eat a few once in awhile.
Imagine the catscan of a brain that only ever read one kind of book. Grim.