This summer, my first novel was released. It was a wild and crazy ride, and very educational. For instance, my boyfriend fiancé learned that the best time to propose is when the girl in question is still floating from her launch party. (I learned I said yes somewhat later.) Here are some other tidbits I picked up along the way:
Prepare Polite and Erudite Answers to the Following Questions
1. How in the world did you get a book published? (Depending on what word in this question is emphasized, this may vary in degree of difficulty.)
2. Why did you pick this cover?
3. What is going to happen to the central romantic couple in your story? (Trust me, they don’t really want to be spoiled. Lived and learned.)
4. How is the book doing? (And its corollary: How is the book doing on Amazon?)
5. You know, if you really want to sell a book, you should go on Oprah.
6. When is the movie coming out (And its corollary: Can I have a part in the movie?)
7. Are you really in a secret society? (Actually, maybe that one was just me.)
Meeting Fans is Great
Except when you accidentally introduce them to your companions by their screenname of dirrrtypixie.
Meeting Fans is Vaguely Creepy
But only in extreme cases where their detailed knowledge of the intimate minutiae of your life and schedule make you rethink your denial of your boyfriend’s assertion that Blogging=Bad.
The Brain Has An Uncanny Ability To Instantly Memorize All Bad Reviews, While Being Unable to Remember Good Ones
Medical science remains perplexed.
Train Yourself to Resist Responding Sarcastically to The Obligatory Jackass Comments About Your Chosen Genre
Or any other genre, for that matter. Sometimes they’ll couch it in the midst of telling you how much they like your book, “unlike all those stupid romances/chicklits/what-have-you out there.†This will initially throw you for a loop while your brain tries to parse, “Likes my book!” alongside “Hates the books I like!”
Some People Will Have an Unnatural Prejudice Against the Color Pink
Discrimination in this country has gotten out of control.
No Matter How Many People Are at Your Launch Party, Anderson Cooper Will Have More
I was still giddy from mine when I ran smack dab into the three-hundred strong queue at the Union Square B&N for him. Embrace it. People love the Coop.
Googling Yourself is a Great Idea
How else would you find out about that awesome nod your new book got on a big litblog?
Googling Yourself is a Horrible Idea
Yet you probably could have lived without knowing there was a whole site devoted to ridiculing your new release.
Always Carry Water
Especially during record heatwaves in New York City. Your first clue should be the exploding manhole covers. But throats get parched at readings in the dead of winter as well.
You’ll Never Be Carrying Your Promo Items When You Need Them
Though it will seem like you spend half your life lugging bookmarks around.
Budget Lots O’ Dough for Book Purchases
When was the last time you went into a bookstore and didn’t get yourself a little reading fix? Now, think of how many book signings you have scheduled.
When I Grow Up, I Want To Be a Bookseller
And not just because of the employee discounts. There seems to be a lot of job satisfaction going on there, possibly because they are being paid to love books. Plus, I’d be guaranteed super-nice coworkers. (And occasionally, cats in the office.)
Someone, Sometime, Will Tell You There Aren’t Enough Vampires in Your Book
Especially if there aren’t any.
Don’t Forget to Keep Writing
After all, you’re going to want to do this again!
No related posts.
~laughing~
Enjoyed this.
Thank you.
Love your post.
And love the timing.
Wolf Hunters — my first ever novel — came out earlier this week. No launch party; not even a brunch. It’s the twenty-second book in the MechWarrior: Dark Age series and for some reason Roc didn’t seem to feel this warranted a media blitz. (I’m not sure being #22 in a series even qualifies as “mid list.”)
In about three hours I have my first ever book signing at the WaldenBooks in Independence Mall here in Wilmington, NC. I’ve been sitting in Port CIty Java practicing writing my name so it a) is legible and b) is not my legal signature but c) looks like a real autograph.
There’s no question about having promotional materials on hand. Roc doesn’t provide any and I don’t have the budget, so I’m going with a cheerful smile and warm handshake.
I particularly enjoyed your observations on the internet. Most of my published work is digital and web based (Which leads to the “Are you ever going to write a real book?”/”Can’t break into real publishing, huh?” remarks in addition to the write-for-hire/sci-fi put-downs) so I’m constantly on the ‘net. I Google/Dog Pile/Ask my name at least once a month looking for reviews. Not for the faint of heart or thin of skin.
Thanks for the encouragement. It’s good to know what to expect if — as the fellow coffee drinker asked after she congratulated me on Wolf Hunters — I ever go on to write a real book.
-Mel
Hi Diana,
Great list. I’ve seen enough to nod (and roll my eyes) at your points.
Keep this list… in a few years and a few more books, you’ll look back and go… “gee, not much has changed” except hopefully those three hundred people will be waiting for you.
Diana, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing!
I think we should start a revolution against the pink discrimination. You have pointed it out. It is out of control. People like to pretend that they are accepting of the pink, but when you finally see the way they really believe
:twisted: 
The question I keep getting is “How’s your book doing?” It invariably throws me off guard, and I blink in confusion and ask, “Which one?” Because are they talking about the book that was just released (my first novel publication), the one I just turned in, or the one I’m currently working on (which is consuming my brain)?
Usually they mean the one that’s in stores now, which confuses me more, because how would I know? My job is to write the next book, and make it be the best book possible. So I’m still working on a polite response that isn’t “I don’t know”!
lol I’ve had most of those
This made me smile. My favourite is the people whi have read my book and say ‘Hey, I read your book and it’s really good.’ But sound so surprised when they say it!:roll:
“Train Yourself to Resist Responding Sarcastically to The Obligatory Jackass Comments About Your Chosen Genre”
wow – totally already blew that one. My friend’s dad said, “oh is that one of those silly romance books?” To which I responde, “If that’s how you want to classify a book I spent six months of my life writing, then sure, I suppose it is.”
And I’m really glad I’m not the only obsessive googler!
And Kevin – I can relate to the release with little fanfare – my book came out a couple of weeks ago, and my friend was like, “what are you going to do today to celebrate?” To which I responded, “I’m taking the monster to mommy toddler music class, taking him to daycare so I can get to work and sell another book in this decade, then dress him up like a pumpkin and see how the neighbors have pimped out their houses for halloween.” Oh, the glamorous life!
You forgot the question- how long do I have to wait for the next one!
>>Some People Will Have an Unnatural Prejudice Against the Color Pink
Discrimination in this country has gotten out of control.
It comes from those of us who had whole years when our mother forced us to wear nothing BUT barbie pink when a nice soft lilac is our favorite color (and we made that exceedingly clear).
I’ve already had the Oprah statement, and my first novel isn’t released until May of ‘07. And the frustrating this is that it’s said with such authority, as if I am a complete idiot for not marching over there and just explaining to Oprah why this book should be on her show. When I (mistakenly) tried to explain that it’s just not that easy and, besides, I’d kinda prefer not to be thought of as a stalker and stay out of jail, I was told that “of course” it shouldn’t be me that does it… the publisher should call Oprah, because she loves books and if they’d just let her know, she’d be happy to include it.
Um, yeah. I’ll get right on that. I’m sure they haven’t thought of that before.
Cute blog. Will there be any vampires in the sequel?
I’m taking notes.
I’m LOLing at this one. he-he. I haven’t published anything, but I’ve gone thru the whole “You write ROMANCE! What’s wrong with you?” thing one too many times. At this point I just nod, say yup and ignore them. I’ve gotten good at it too. LOL!:grin: