In a recent email conversation with Steph and Larissa, we were discussing Larissa’s new book deal with Warner and how Steph loved one of the heroes because he was a big bastard. The conversation perked up as we began discussing the finer points of a big bastard hero.
It’s no secret romance readers love the ultimate alpha, the bad boy, the men women love to feel like they can “change.†The idea that one woman can bring the alpha to his knees seems to resonate widely across the board.
But when does the alpha-bad boy hero cross the line and become nothing more than a complete jerk wad?
It’s only been recently that I’ve had the misfortune to read books where the author clearly missed the mark. Instead of the brooding, uber sexy he-man the author was trying to create, the hero instead came across as an abusive, obnoxious pig. No self-respecting woman would be caught dead with a man who treated her like a piece of trash. And the woman certainly wouldn’t be all aflutter when the hero suddenly professes his luuurrrvvee after spending the previous three hundred pages acting like a complete jackass.
See, I love a bad boy as much as the next woman, but there has to be some redeeming quality to the man. Some glimmer that beneath all the arrogance and domineering attitude is some semblance of a man I’d be attracted to.
I always thought I was extremely forgiving when it came to fiction, so it came as a shock to me that I’d balk at a hero for being too big of an asshole. But when a hero comes across as emotionally abusive, I just cannot be sold on a happily ever after for him and the woman he’s spent so much time knocking down.
And I do not buy the whole “I was only a complete asshole because I LOVE you so much and was trying so desperately not to let you see†line you get from the hero. Nor do I get the happy sighing of the heroine as she melts into his arms completely accepting of this line of BS he’s just fed her.
I just have two words. Bitch, please!
No related posts.
I remember reading books like this that were published in the late 70’s, early 80’s. Please don’t tell me they are making a comeback. Of all the “trends” out there that get recycled, this is one that I didn’t miss from my books. There are enough real bastards in real life – please don’t ruin romances by making them popular again.
Sharon, you almost made me lose my coffee all over my keyboard!
I think for me the line is in the intentions and the actions, i.e. the hero might make mistakes in the emotional realm because he’s ruling with his head and the heroine might get hurt as a result, but he’s not out to hurt her and it’s not abuse. And because he is smart (you don’t get to be alpha by being dumb) he learns. 
Last one of that sort was Meg Cabot’s _Every boy’s got one_. I absolutely adored _The boy/guy next door_ so I grabbed it with glee and found… a rather ditzy (but still likeable) heroine and a self-obsessed, nasty male character. The book incorporates diaries and restaurant bills and all sorts of stuff, but you get a fair amount of inner thoughts from both of them – and while he’s got a couple of redeeming qualities, he doesn’t just *behave* like a total bastard, he *thinks* like a total bastard. And given that he’s not sixteen but thirty-ish I cannot possibly see that The Great Transformation would suddenly come over him.
Hero and heroine getting off on the wrong foot because they misunderstand each other, press each other’s buttons, etc etc is a ploy I can accept. (Don’t like it, but I can accept it.) But someone who is self-obsessed, loves to excise his power over others, looks down on the part of the world he’s currently staying in as if it were a personal affront to him, etc etc is *not* someone I _could_ fall in love with, nor is he someone the sympathetic heroine could be happy with. When the author suddenly declares both in the clutches of Lurrrrve I won’t believe it.
I think each readers threshold is different, so what might offend me, might not offend someone else. Though I have to admit I like uber-alphas and anti-heros, so my threshold pretty high.
What I find more annoying are “Bad Boys” and “Rakes” that really aren’t all that bad or rakish. But then again, maybe it’s that threshold thing–LOL.
LOL–I love a good bastard…but like you say, there’s definitely a line. Alpha-arrogant I can deal with. Alpha-abusive-asshole needs to be kicked to the curb.
I remember reading a lot of 80’s stories where the heroes were SUCH jerks–especially in Harlequin Presents, where the heroes are super rich, arrogant, macho…which can work.
But the problem with so many of the 80’s romances was that they were written only from the heroine’s POV, which didn’t allow you to get inside the hero’s mind and sympathize with him. You couldn’t learn WHY he was a big jerk until the very end when he softened up and confessed everything.
But by then I was usually so disgusted with the heroine for putting up with his dumb ass.
Now it’s easier to write a bastard because you can get inside his head, which makes him more likable to the reader, if not the heroine.
There’s a fine line, though, between alpha and “asshole.”
I was just ranting about this last week. Save us from the Triple A — Abusive Asshole Alpha.
I love Alphas, in life or in fiction. But a true Alpha Male is confident and secure enough to consider both sides of any question, take others’ feelings into account before speaking or acting, gracefully acknowledge his own mistakes, and forgive the faults of others. He leads by example, and understands the beauty of the win/win situation.
And he looks good while doing it.
Seems the problem is not just the hero, but a heroine who puts up with such past page 25.
That last line almost made me choke on my McMuffin…
and that is exactly the kind of line I would use on any friend who hooked up with a Triple A!
Have you ever noticed that these heroines very rarely have any female friends around to slap them upside the head?
Tara, I actually like the anti hero (and anti heroine for that matter) but I don’t know what it is lately. Heroes seem to be sliding into asshole land more and more. My tolerance is actually pretty high, so as I said, I was surprised to see ME wondering wtf the heroines saw in some of these heroes.
Larissa, see I like Harlequin Presents. And it didn’t bother me that they were written in the heroine’s pov. And I agree that having the hero’s pov can go a long way in forgiving some of his actions, but when the author TAKES me into his pov and still can’t make him more than a complete nimrod, I’m wondering how on earth readers are supposed to be attracted to his character.
Embrya, I’ve found when a woman is set on a course, her friends usually don’t have a chance in hell of talking her out of it anyway. Luuuurve has a way of clouding the brain. And when the heroine doesn’t have much of one to begin with….
Bad boy with a heart is what I like. The abusive jerks can take a hike and never come back.
The last line of this post is hilarious! Too funny. Now I’m going to have to look for a reason to use it today. I like alpha male heros and I especially love when an author gets it right and makes me see why he does the things he does. I’m less inclined to really enjoy it when I have no idea why the hero is doing the things he does and then there’s the obligatory, “I love you that’s why I was such a jerk” at the end. But I think truly complex alpha male heros present a wonderful challenge for me as a writer. I have to make sure I get him onto the page in a way that the reader will understand him even if they don’t always agree. And if they fall in love with him a little too, that’s when I know I’ve done my job.
Thanks for the great post on my favorite topic!
Gwyneth
Some people have made comments about books from the 70s and 80s, but I’ve seen this sort of behavior in a fair amount of paranormals lately. Maybe because the heroes aren’t all “human,” it’s easier for the reader to make excuses for his behavior? I dunno, but it sure as hell isn’t acceptable to me.
*cleaning coffee spew off keyboard before replying*
What a terrific post! I love alpha-males,… in novels, anyway. Can’t say that I would enjoy be married to one — the arrogance can be somewhat trying — but that’s why I read! I want to escape into a fantasy world where a girl like me can tame a handsome brut bad boy (not asshole, just rebel). Someone who makes me feel like W.O.M.A.N.
I’m not a big fan of the alpha hero but I can generally tolerate them if they’re paired with an equally strong heroine. Psychologically unequal romantic pairings really turn me off.
I tend to write Alpha Females. Then try to come up with heroes that can stand up to them.
Hey, I live in Miami, so I meet real, live uber-macho a**holes on a regular basis. I don’t try to point out they are suffering from testosterone poisoning–an inability to recognize their own disease is one of the primary symptoms. But if any of my heroines actually met up with them, she’d be compelled to kick butt. Hmmm…could I be living out my own fantasies in my heroines? Of course I am!
One of the (several) alphass traits I hate to see is the jump-to-conclusion gene, like when Hero sees Heroine interacting with another male and assumes she is some nutty nympho. He proceeds to yell at her/force himself on her/sulk/etc. Don’t see that one as much anymore. That being said, unwillingness to communicate and fondness for jumping to conclusions and passing judgment are areas where an alpha hero can cross the border into assland for me.
God I love you.
I’m the Prez of the hairy chest thumping alpha male fan club! That said, I’m with you. I CANNOT get into a hero who is a complete asshat until the last three pages. And I can’t respect a heroine who falls in love with that. *shudder*
I read a perfectly good possessive sheikh story that became a wallbanger when she disobeyed, he took her in his righteous anger, then whined how her disobedience made him rape her and he couldn’t forgive her for making him lose his temper like that.
Bitch, please.
I hang with alpha dogs all the time (okay, I admit to being an alpha dog myself) and I think one of the issues is a general misunderstanding about alphas.
True alphas are born (some people try to pass themselves off as alphas but just aren’t). They can’t change their personalities. It is set (my six year old niece is an alpha and I’m helping her find her place).
Alphas spend their entire lives NOT fitting in (the definition of a leader means he or she is not part of the pack). They expect not to fit in (very self contained), not to be liked.
Its a lonely, lonely life (most of us envy others, leadership and its perks not compensating for being an outsider). One of the reasons alphas hook up with other alphas is because only alphas understand this pain (my hubby is a fierce alpha).
To write an alpha hero or heroine without exploring this loneliness is to miss out on the core of his or her personality.
[...] I’m over at Writeminded and Romancing the Blog today, so as you can imagine, by the time I got here, I don’t have a lot else running around my brain to say. [...]
I’m not a big fan of the alpha hero but I can generally tolerate them if they’re paired with an equally strong heroine. Psychologically unequal romantic pairings really turn me off.