by Wendy Crutcher, originally posted 05/02/05
As a reader there are a lot of themes and plot devices that I don’t care for in Romance Novel Land. For instance, I’m not big on royalty, sheiks, secret babies or Navy SEALs. However, I’m OK with those themes coexisting in my reading universe. I’m sure there are just as many readers who dislike my favorites: cowboys, virgin heroes and marriage of convenience plots 
However there is one theme that has got to go. It needs to be chased out of Romance Novel Land by hordes of chanting townspeople carrying pitchforks and torches. That is the theme of soul mates.
Sure, the concept that everyone has a “soul mate†is terribly romantic, but it has a tendency to perpetuate what I call “lazy romance.†Instead of showing two people learning to love and understand each other, the author so often just whips out the concept of soul mates and voila! Instant romance! Who needs characters learning to understand and respect each other when Fate destined them to be together for all time? Why take the time to get to know each other and fall in love when it’s already written in the stars?
The soul mates theme also has a way of stripping characters of free will. Romances have a time honored tradition of featuring characters who are down but not out. Whether they are the brooding and scarred military hero, or a heroine who must marry for money because her wastrel brother gambled away the family fortune – these characters need to claw their way up. However despite their less than ideal circumstances, they still have choices. They still have free will. They can still choose who they are going to fall in love and live happily every after with. Tossing in the idea of a soul mate takes that completely out of their hands. They have no choice. They’re stuck with the partner Fate cosmically assigned to them.
This insidious little theme has been around for ages, but has lately enjoyed a revival thanks to the resurgence of paranormal romances. Werewolf romances especially love to feature the idea of a “mate.†So even if the heroine is turned off by a hero getting hairy at every full moon that’s just too darn bad. Some mysterious deity deemed them “mates,†so they are now stuck with each other. She better start resigning herself to buying dog food and raising a litter of pups 
Call me old fashioned, but characters with no control over their romantic futures is not romantic. And simply declaring that the characters are “soul mates†without showing the reader how and why they fall in love is not only lazy, but boring. Really, really boring.
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A professional librarian, Wendy has been reviewing romance novels for The Romance Reader since 1999. She’ll literally read anything thrown in front of her, but counts westerns, American historicals, categories, romantic suspense and erotica as her absolute favorites. A Midwestern refugee now living in Southern California, Wendy also enjoys movies, music, billiards, and getting lost in the numerous area used bookstores.
LOL. Great article!
But think of the conflict when they fight against it…Is that not valid from a critical view, rather than a philospohical one?
Ok. I accept this, and as someone who writes “HeartMates” I really try and put some conflict in it. First of all, usually one of the “mates” knows they are “destined,” and they are legally bound not to tell the other. So they can woo, but not coerce. Attraction may or may not be instantaneous, so the destined person may not know they are mates, again, leaving free will.
And above all, if they don’t want to be HeartMates (there are disadvantages as well as advantages) they can walk away.
There IS a pull, a magnetism, that gets more difficult to resist the longer a person is with another.
But in Heart Duel, I actually had the mates making love, one of them spinning out the “bond” and the other refusing it.
So there ARE ways around this.
I think that you are mostly interested in a good emotional conflict between the characters, and the soulmate thing can make that easier. But if the conflict is still there, would it work for you?
BTW, I LOVE marriage of convenience stories…
Robin
I was going to disagree with you. I’m a believer in soul mates, though I think that in the real world and in fiction too we all have more than one. Even so finding one soul mate is a difficult thing in real life. I think most romances are about people working through barriers that separate them from their soul mate. But the only magic I’m thinking of here is love. If it were truly pre-destined by magical forces, so that there is no real barrier to overcome, then I see your point.
I think the soulmates concept and marriage of convenience are pretty similar, in a way. Except when it comes to soulmates, it’s the universe in the face of the author who forces them to be together.
Personally, I’m not a fan of either, because I despise it when someone or something tries to force me into… whatever. I’d do the opposite out of sheer stubborness.
So my problem with mates is not the lack of conflict, but the way the characters turn out to be defeated at the end. They didn’t fight the destiny and Won — no, they learned to obey the destiny. Even if they enjoy it now… it leaves an unpleasant feeling of being subjected to some kind of submission.
Wow – some comments for a repeat column!
My problem with the soulmates theme has always been like it seems like an “excuse.” When the theme is done poorly (which 99% of the time it is for me), I get the impression that these two people are ALL wrong for each other and are only together because Fate said they HAD to be.
And Anon brings up a good point comparing soul mates to marriage of convenience. You’re right. The one main difference I see is that in MOC, the couple still has a choice about falling in love. Either one can say, “forget this nonsense” and move on to greener pastures if they so choose. With soul mates – they have no choice. If they abandon the soul mate they will never find “true love” ever. Call it romantic suicide
And that’s why I hate the theme. I like my characters (especially my heroines) to have choices and to exercise them. I want them to be in control of their romantic destinies. With soul mates, Fate (or some deity) takes that most important choice of all out of their hands.
I have to agree with this. Stories in which inexplicable pairings that don’t seem to have much beyond sexual attraction (*cough*Aisling Gray*cough*) are frustrating.
I also got very annoyed reading “Blade Dancer,” which features soul mating, but one of the characters doesn’t want to marry the other one because he insists on kids and she doesn’t want any. But…but…you’re soulmates! If you don’t get married and have sex, you’ll die! So she had to be all, “Okay, fine, I guess I’ll have to have a kid.” Ugh! What is with that?