Melissa in fifth grade. 1975. P.S. 22, Flushing, Queens:
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Teacher: “Class, let’s figure out how old you’ll be in the year 2000! That’s twenty-five years away!â€
Kid: (Does math): “We’ll be 35!â€
Teacher: “That’s older than I am now!â€
Class: (Bored.) “Who cares? It’s twenty-five years away. We’ll never be thirty-five. We’re ten! Is the year 2000 made up?â€
I remember this all so clearly. I think it’s why I never really envisioned myself older than thirty-five. I had that age in my head as something I’d be someday, a far off someday in a year that really did sound made up to ten-year-old me. And great, amazing things happened to me when I turned thirty-five. I sold my first novel. I met my husband. Thirty-six was allowed because I had a baby. Thirty-seven was allowed because I was planning my wedding. Thirty-eight was allowed because I got married, my thirteen-month-old son crawling down the aisle between his mommy and daddy. Thirty-nine was allowed because forty wasn’t. ISN’T.
It’s now 2005. August. Friday. And this particular weekend is my last weekend of being thirty-nine—thirtysomething as my author bio has stated in all my books. On Monday–a birthday I share with Napoleon and Julia Child–I’ll wake up a forty-year-old person. I have no idea why I’m having so much trouble with this. I’m happy. Fulfilled. But I don’t want to be forty (or the alternative, of course).
My mom (how is it possible that when she was forty, I was twenty???) recently asked me if turning forty would affect how I write–what I write about. It’s a question I’m asked all the time in regard to my novels (I write what’s both affectionately and non-affectionately known as “chick-lit.†When my first book came out, I heard: “Five years from now, you’re not going to be interested in writing about the dating habits of twenty-five-year-olds!â€
Actually, I am. I like writing about twenty-somethings and all that confusion. I like writing with the clarity I have now of that time in my own life, which was constant comedy and drama, depending on the day, depending on the date or the boyfriend, depending on my relatives, or my friends, or my boss or coworkers, or what happened in the world. Then, I never seemed to realize how much control I actually had over my own life. I like to write about that. About getting my protogonists to that point.
What’s interesting is that I’ve noticed a reluctance in myself to read any book with a protagonist OLDER than forty. I used to love Anne Tyler, but have avoided her for a few years. Must be that little problem I have with this new milestone. I really want to believe that age is just a number, but according to my health insurance and life insurance premiums, the moment I turn 40, both go up by 200 dollars a month! I’m sure I’ll get over this the day after I turn forty and will embrace my new fortysomething status. I have A LOT to be thankful for, including not being the alternative to turning forty. I will read Anne Tyler again. I will channel Linda Evans from those 80’s hair color commericals: “Forty isn’t fatal–it’s fabulous!” Repeat. Repeat. “Forty is fabulous. Forty is fabulous.” It’s actually helping.
There really is a question (questions!) for all of you in this rambling: As you’ve gotten older, has your taste changed in what you enjoy reading or writing? Do you even notice the age of the characters when you choose a book? Who was your favorite author at twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy? Has any author stayed the course with you?
Oh, yeah: And if you have any experience with this turning forty business, please share! 
No related posts.
You will hate me.
When I turned forty, a young 20something male (who knew I had 4 kids)complained I looked 16.
Actually, there are many new strengths, if we’re considering perceptions here. One is much less likely to be taken as a ditz,opinions respected and all that.
As I get older, in my contemporary books, I like to read older heroines. I don’t think I could stomach a young heroine: say, under the age of 28 or so. In historicals, I don’t mind the 18, 19, 20 year old heroine.
As someone who used to think 30 was the absolute end of the world, I can safely say that yes, my reading habits changed as I aged. I much prefer to read about 30 and 40 somethings than I do 20 somethings.
Another member of the former “thirty-something” club here! I turned the big 4-0 a month ago and it didn’t bother me anywhere as much as turning 35 did! (Boy, was that a tough birthday!)
As for entering my 40’s, I look at this coming decade in my life as the “me” decade – much like my 20’s I guess when I experienced so many things that really changed my life…joining the military, getting married, having a baby, getting out of the military, and getting divorced – all my the age of 29. My 30’s were filled with moving back home, raising my daughter, falling in love again, raising my daughter, getting married again, raising my daughter, focusing on my career, raising my daughter and helping to raise my step children (amazing how kids take over your life!:lol:) It seems to me now that the last ten years have passed in a blur.
And while my kids are teens now and will still need me to assist in their journeys to adulthood, I really look at turning 40 as a chance for “me to get back to me†as I focus on my pursuit of a career in romance publishing and my husband and I have more time to spend with just each other.
As for my reading taste, I prefer older heroines – 30+ – but I find that I tend to “age†the heroine in the books as I read making her closer to my age anyway unless there are definite references to her young age throughout the book. If that happens, I probably won’t finish the book (or even pick it up in the first place if I know right away she is under 25.)
And I love the mantra…“Forty isn’t fatal–it’s fabulous!†Thanks!
Christyne
Wow, what a relevant post! I’ll confess I’m dealing this as well, but alas, the hill looming on my horizon is even bigger! Luckily, people say I can still pass for the 30-something range but inside, the terrible truth is always there! I struggle with it–I don’t feel my age, act my age, or look my age–so why should I actually BE my age?!!!
With regard to reading, I don’t think my tastes have changed–I still love the same types of books I’ve always loved. But the books I really have trouble getting into–which are SO popular now–are chick lits! I’m not even sure if it’s an age thing, or just not my taste, but one way or another, I do prefer the woman with maturity intact, who really has something “to say” and isn’t wrapped up in whether she’s wearing the right shoes or not!
I actually went through my midlife crisis at age 38. By the time I turned 40, I was getting my groove back. At 41, I find myself being more impatient with books than I used to be.
I love historicals, but the sheltered virgin who thinks kissing will get her pregnant or the breathless teenage Romeo and Juliet leave me completely cold. So does any hero under 25. I want the 40something man with some interesting mileage!
Had lunch with a friend last week who informed me that forty is the new thirty.
It’s funny — I never thought about it before, but I think I’m doing what you’re doing, Melissa. I used to read Anne Tyler and a lot of other books with older protagonists, but lately I’ve been reading even younger than chick lit. I’m in love with YA again. Maybe it’s simply the fact that there’s such a wide range of interesting YA books out there right now, but I think it also has to do with me getting older. I’ve got one more thirty-something birthday to celebrate, and for right now, it’s fun to revisit the teen years, when everything was a possibility, and little things mattered so much.
The only authors who have stayed the course with me through my late twenties and into my thirties have been mystery writers, oddly enough — Elizabeth George and Ruth Rendell and Anne Perry. Age doesn’t matter when you’re solving a crime, I guess.
I’m not too far behind you, Melissa (ah, I remember when we met at that very first conference I ever went to, way back in 1991, when we were the only two people in remotely that age range at the conference).
I’m finding that I have a hard time reading romances with 20something heroines, but I still love chick lit about that age range. I think it’s because too many of the romance heroines feel too “settled” for me. Since I’m still single in my late 30s, when a 23-year-old heroine ends the book engaged to the hero, I want to yell, “No! Live and be free for a while! You’re too young!!!” But since chick lit is a little more realistic about how difficult it can be to make it in the world at that age, where just finding Mr. Right is the big challenge and finally meeting someone the heroine might want to go out with is the happy ending, I enjoy reading it. I may be older, but I can still identify with many of the issues.
I don’t read too many books with heroines over 40, not so much because I’m afraid of that number, but because too often I can’t identify with what’s going on in those books. I’ve never been married so I certainly haven’t been divorced, and I’ve never had kids. Books about women over 40 seem to be mostly about those things — working out the marriage, dealing with and/or recovering after divorce and dealing with kids. If a woman that age is still single in a book, it’s usually because she was such a driven career woman that she forgot to deal with her personal life. It’s seldom just because she hasn’t yet found the right person.
Maybe I’m just emotionally stunted.
To me, age is much more about mindset than numbers (and having just turned 53, I can say that!). No, I don’t much like it when I squat down to put something away in the fridge and practically need a forklift to get back up, but inside I feel no different than I did twenty years ago. EXCEPT that, with age, I’m less prone to take crap off of anyone or anything.
Each decade presents new opportunities — I married and started having babies in my late twenties, launched a new career (and a couple more babies) in my thirties, became a published author (and had one more baby!) in my forties. Now in my fifties, I’ve lost twenty pounds and gained an office, and basically feel pretty damn good about myself. But, then, with a mother and mother-in-law both still kickin’ booty as they near NINETY, I feel like a kid in comparison!
I can’t say as my reading preferences have changed much since my twenties, at least not as far as heroines’ ages goes. If the character grabs me, I don’t much care if she’s twenty-five or seventy-five — I don’t need to relate to every detail of her life to want to root for her. What I DO like is, having reached this stage of my own life, feeling more confident about writing heroines of various ages. I haven’t forgotten what it feels like to be young (especially since I don’t think there’s as much change on that score as one might think), but now I also realize that middle-aged — or older! — doesn’t mean washed-up, either. Far from it.
Different stages of life, that’s all. Not better, not worse, just. . .new.
Karen T.
I love being in my forties! They’ve been great and I’m always telling people forties are fabulous!! I’m doing more stuff for me. I take less crap from people. okay, the reading glasses were hard to adjust to…but I’m learning to deal with them. I got brightly colored in your face reading glasses and moved on
As an aside…I love the new NEXT line with the older heroines facing all types of things.
Anyway, Melissa, happy birthday!
What great, affirming responses!! Perfect timing since I just came back from the supermarket, where the teenage clerk called me “ma’am.”
Here’s the way to look at it: you’re not in your LATE 30’s anymore; you’re in your EARLY 40’s…sounds younger, doncha think?:lol:
I have totally loved my forties and still have three years worth left, LOL! What’s been great for me is that I had my kids WAY young, so here I am at 46 with independent college kids 25, 23 & 21. The two living at home do their own laundry and cooking if I don’t. All I have to do (usually) is pull out a credit card for classes and books.
I don’t think I’ve written a heroine younger than 25 or older than 40, but I tend to stick to early 30’s for the most part.
I’m still hanging onto my thirties by my toenails.:wink: My reading choices have changed over the years, but I believe they have less to do with age, than a change in interests. I don’t tend to read books with older heroines, but like someone mentioned earlier that’s mostly because of lack of commonality. Same goes for younger heroines, if they act immature or I can’t relate to their problems. I want a story that grabs me.
Hmm. I’m 50 (which is so bizarre, I can’t tell you) but since I’ve managed to live a very immature life, I don’t notice a lot of changes in my reading habits, or, for that matter, my writing. I’m always captivated by character, whatever age. Although it’s interesting how many notes I get from readers telling me I write “real” 20-something and 30-something characters. I think that’s directly attributable to the fact that I didn’t marry till this year, didn’t have kids, and lived a nomadic life. (see the imatureity comment above)
I’ve loved reading these responses – and the post was terrific, thanks, Melissa.
Thanks Melissa! Now I have something else to stress about. Turning 40. Yikes. (Reading your post reminded me that I’m on the downslope towards 40 — meaning it’s closer to me than 30 is.)
Happy Birthday anyway! LOL
Seriously, my best friend (who’s single) turned 40 and took her sisters and four nieces and nephews to Disneyland for a week. She had a blast. She said turning 30 was harder than turning 40.
When I turned 30, that’s when I *got serious* about writing because I wasn’t getting any younger, I didn’t know what I was really doing with my life (other than in a job I loved and hated depending on the day and two kids). Turning 30 was, well, do we have two more kids because I’m not getting any younger? Do I try to move up the career ladder because I just don’t like my job anymore and the kids are in school full-time? What have I done for me?
It was the last question when I answered “nothing” that I turned to my first love, writing. It’s changed my life.
I don’t know what 40 will bring. I’ll probably re-assess my life and wonder what I’ve done for me and my family and figure out where I’m going.
Well, first I’ll go to Disneyland …
Input from the Other Side of Forty:
I think about you turning forty today, too.
I think about what you meant to my career and the times you were editing my books, esp. The Tallchiefs.
I think that I’ve been lucky to have had you in my life. So to me, your years were really well spent.
Cait London
Ah. Forty. It seems to be everywhere. I turn 40 in October and as a late birthday child, all my friends from way back are closer or there. Strangely I seem to keep running into old friends in the same predicament. One found me on the internet after 12 years. We lamented 40 in a virtual way. How different from my 2o’s is that?
Reading and writing I am currently immersed in teen or YA books, so I guess I’m channelling my inner teenager. I guess after this long it’s safe to go back.:evil:
I really enjoyed this post.
Janet G