We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is a habit, not an act. –Anon
There are a lot of intelligent, introspective people around here. Maybe one of you can answer a question for me:
Why is it wrong to be proud of what we do?
I know the traditional answer I was taught: Pride goeth before the fall. Good girls are modest. Good boys are humble. In my lifetime, I’ve watched humility and modesty degrade into self-deprecation on a societal level.
I’m not talking about false pride either. I’m talking about the feeling good emotion that naturally swells your chest and makes you strut when you’ve done something, well, that you’re proud of.
And there’s all kinds of contradictions about what you can be proud of in public, have you noticed? I can be proud of my country, my ethnic heritage, my school, but if I get a well-deserved raise or promotion, I’m not supposed to stand there and be happy for myself. I’m expected to play it down among my peers and wait for them to congratulate me and make me feel good about my success.
Likewise, a man can come out of the birthing room of the hospital and pass out candy cigars, proud of that his wife just gave birth to a child. Years later, he can stick out his chest again when that child gets a full scholarship to an Ivy League school. He didn’t do either of these things himself, but he is allowed to be proud of his wife’s pregnancy and labor and his child’s academic achievements. However, when you land that triple axle without falling on the ice, when you finish the painting/quilt/scene and it’s just the way you envisioned it, when the meringue on your pie doesn’t fall for the first time, we’re actively discouraged from shouting about our success for fear of bragging.
I was once taught that we can only take pride in what we are responsible for. As a voting citizen, we’re responsible for our country. As parents, we’re responsible for our children. That makes sense. But aren’t we responsible for our actions and accomplishments as well? By that definition, we should have every right to be proud of those actions and accomplishments. If we can brag about some, why is it bad to brag about others?
For whatever reason, Romance is something no one is supposed to take pride in. It doesn’t matter why, but this societal belief has given blanket permission for years of hurtful jokes, scorn and ridicule to be piled onto anyone who has anything to do with it. We’re constantly challenged to explain why we would waste our time with these “trashy books.” Because we have been brought up to be modest, even self-deprecating people, we have spent years apologizing for what we do.
When I was a teen and young woman, reading Victoria Holt drew me into reading Historical Romance. I couldn’t get enough. Then I got married to a man who lived and breathed Science Fiction and Fantasy. He ridiculed my reading. At first I hid it from him, then I just stopped reading all together because of the guilt I felt. It wasn’t until years after my divorce that I felt entitled to enjoy my favorite genre again. Back then, I thought that was the way Romance was supposed to be handled.
Then I started looking around and saw how much of the fiction section of my bookstore was dedicated to this “guilty pleasure.” I found others who shared my passion, but still hid the covers of the books they were reading. The more I considered, the more I wondered about the place of pride in life and our society.
Think about it:
As Romance readers, we purchase more than half of all the paperback books published in the US. We keep thousands of people (authors, agents, publishers, printers, distributors, booksellers) employed, even in bad economies.
As Romance authors, we entertain thousands upon thousands of readers a year with our imagination, our talent and our craft. Not to mention, we share in keeping those who get our books to our readers employed.
Which all brings me back to the question: Why is it wrong to be proud of what we do?
No related posts.
As a reader, I think that the non-romance reading public’s opinion of romance novels was formed about 25 years ago, in the days of the “purple-prose-bodice-ripper,” and has never changed. The critics have not, for the most part, kept up with the times, and seemingly are not aware of major changes in the genre. I was reading an article in a Writer’s Digest special publication about genre fiction, and was struck at how the author seemed to have missed so many major changes in the romance genre(such as more explicit sex in series romances). Granted, the article was taken from a book written in 2002, but the changes had been taking place for several years. So if someone in the writing field cannot keep up, how can the general public?
I ride to work every day with women who read nothing but romances, yet call them “trash”: Q: “What are you reading?” A: “Oh, nothing, just trash.” I asked one woman whom I know rather well why she said that, since I know that she personally doesn’t feel her reading material is trash. Her answer was, “Everyone else thinks they are trash, so I’ll just beat them to it by saying it.” I never refer to romances as trash, and I never hide the books either, although I have to admit I don’t take books with clinch covers on the bus.
I’ve written it before here, and on other blogs, but I’ll say it again (and don’t mean to offend anyone): I think having a wide variety of reading experiences makes one more comfortable about openly reading romances in a disapproving world. A steady diet of anything isn’t good for you, and IMO that includes romance novels. But we readers do need to stop putting down genre fiction, whether it is romance, mysteries, science fiction, whatever, and just read our books proudly.
Thanks for such an incredibly thoughtful blog!
You wrote: Which all brings me back to the question: Why is it wrong to be proud of what we do?
I’ve thought about this tons but don’t have an answer. Are we all just giving in to peer pressure?
-Michelle
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It isn’t. It’s damned difficult to write a good book and even harder to get one published. No matter what the stage of your career — already published or gonna be published — you have every right to be proud of yourself.
All of us have every right to be proud of our work. I never refer to romances as trash and I definitely correct anyone else who uses the term. I don’t hide the covers either. Last spring at RT, a vendor was selling lovely fabric book covers. I thanked her politely and said, “No. I don’t hide the covers of books that I read.
Last Friday, I was a guest on a live radio program with sort of a female shock jock format. Of course they decided to read aloud from a love scene. At first, I cringed inside because that’s where they focused, then I realized that this was the part they thought would be most entertaining for their particular audience.
Bottom line, I write romances that include love scenes. I work damn hard to write the best love scenes. I’m not going to be embarassed when someone calls attention to them. Sure, there is more to a romance novel than the sex, but sex is a valid part, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. Nor will I be ashamed.
Wonderful blog – very thought-provoking. Whenever my husband introduces a new acquaintance to me and he tells them that I’m a writer, he’ll be quicker to jump in and say that I write romance than I will. He’s proud of me for it. Even at work I get people that say, “Oh, you read THOSE kinds of books.” Anymore, I just say, “Yup” and then change the subject.
I came back to read further comments and just want to add one thing, which may not be popular, but here goes.:???: While I don’t think anyone should ever be made to feel less than proud of what they write or read, I do think that the increasing emphasis on more and more explicit sexual content in romance novels isn’t helping the genre’s reputation among those who do not read romances. I’ve read the argument that it is all about the relationship and not about the sex, but I’m not sure that I buy that, especially in the area of “romantica.” If this is the trend of the future, and it seems to be for some readers and writers, the lack of respect for the genre may increase (or it could decrease, as some who do not read traditional romances may want to try the erotica lines). Personally, I would like to see romance novels go more mainstream, with less emphasis on explicit sex, but I think there is room for all within the tent. Maybe the time will come when romance authors and readers will just have to say, “screw it! this is what I read and this is what I write, and the non-romance reading public will just have to deal with it.”
What a well-written and thought provoking article.
Once, while waiting in my Ob/Gyn’s office, I was reading “Flowers in the Spring” by Laura Kinsale. (Forgive me right now if I got the title or author wrong…baby is only 7wks old..still working with sleep-deprived brain here.) The cover on this book is a well-built man with the obligatory white shirt open to the navel while remaining miraculously tucked in during a pretty good breeze, and holding flowers in one hand with the other hand stretched toward the reader as if beseeching, “come here you foxy momma, these flowers are for you!” Now, granted, the guy in the book was a really really really bad boy in the beginning, but through intense personal struggles and a debilitating illness, (not to mention the loooooove of a good woman), turns into a wonderful man at the end. My dr took one look at the cover and said, “Oh, my!” in a very condescending manner. I just smiled and said, “It is a very good book,” and left it at that. She can think what she wants. I pay her to deliver my kid, not pass judgment on my reading. I didn’t think the cover had diddly squat to do with the actual story, but nobody asked me before publication. In our day and age, it is still true that books are judged by their covers. The romance genre has gotten a bad name by some of the horrid covers out there.
And that’s just my two cents.