I’ve been wondering, lately, about how stressful times in our lives affect our enjoyment of romance novels. Does the guaranteed happy ending help you to escape from the stress or anguish you may be experiencing in your real life? Or do you find yourself unable to read romance novels when life is handing you a cartload of crap, feeling cynical and unwilling to suspend disbelief that, yeah, that alpha warrior/military/private investigator guy is going to be easily housebroken and a help when it comes time to do laundry or change diapers?
I’m wondering because I’m coming up on the one-year mark from a time when I had a significant health scare. When I say “significant” I mean “scared enough that I was going to die that I was making a list for my husband: the children do NOT wear the same sized shoes for two years.”
When I first found out about the test results, I was in the exact middle of writing a book. I’d sailed through the first half, and then BAM!! Crisis. Doom. No freaking way I could finish that book. (To add to the mix, it was a young adult romance/chick lit, so the idea of being in the mind of a carefree 16 year old girl was completely impossible.) For two solid months, I could not touch that book. Finally, I decided that I would talk to my editor, explain all, and buy my way out of the contract. There was just no way I could finish that book.
Of course, that’s when my Type A personality took over and said “oh, no, you will not!” and I finished the book in a week or so. I just dove in and turned all other parts of my brain to OFF. Total immersion. You know what I discovered? It helped a lot. Suddenly, I could eat and sleep and even laugh a little, because I’d used writing a book with a happy ending to escape from my own fears.
The most amazing part? When I read that book over for revisions (and there were almost none; my editor LOVED the book), I couldn’t tell the difference between the two halves. Somehow, focusing on the book was enough. The book’s HEA helped me survive the interminable waiting until I reached my own – the biopsy was negative. (My husband still owes me for cracks like: I get the bigger scoop of ice cream; I’m dying)
What about you? Whether reading or writing, how does stress or pain in your life affect your ability to believe in the Happily Ever After?
hugs,
Alesia
No related posts.
When life gets difficult, I immediately reach for my comfort reads and reread and reread until I’m not so stressed out. I guess I can’t handle uncertainty unless I’m in perfect shape, so not even the fact that the HEA ending is guaranteed is enough, I need to know that there will be no surprises at all.
Writing happy things really helps me when life is stressful. So does reading happy things. You can only think about one thing at a time, so if you’re thinking happy thoughts with a jumpstart from a book it does tend to carry over when you put the book down. Like Rosario, when things are really stressful I’m more likely to go for an old favorite than something new as a reader.
I’ve never had a scare like that, so I’ve been fortunate, and it’s a hard thing to compare to. When I’ve been through some really rough times in my life (just over a year and a half ago was truly rough for me) I had to force myself to keep going. Force myself to write no matter what, how much or how little. It was interesting, but the 3 books I wrote during that time have been 3 of my most popular books. But they were the hardest for me to write. The HEAs did help though.
I guess for me it’s just pushing and pushing through whatever tough times are going on. The scare you had, though, like I said it can’t be compared.
When I was younger (read: teens, twenties, very early thirties) I could take a tragic or bittersweet ending to a movie or a book with a lot more equanimity. I don’t know if I’ve become a big old wussy as my thirties have progressed or what, but all of a sudden I fing myself shying away from reading or viewing things I know will leave me aching afterwards.
I certainly don’t have the excuse that true tragedy has touched my life–although the past couple of years have been tough for a variety of reasons–and I wouldn’t say that I’ll never again enjoy tragedy or bittersweet stories. I loved the movie version of Cold Mountain, for example, but maybe because I went into it knowing the ending beforehand, and maybe because I saw the epilogue scene as proof of healing and the resiliency of the human spirit…blah blah blah.
Anyway, right now, I’m reading and writing HEAs pretty much exclusively, and I’m not entirely sure why, except that maybe I’ve realized in my advanced age that being a happy, fulfilled person requires actual work. It’s not just something that befalls you while you’re living your life. And to that end, I’m surrounding myself with positive influences and happy conclusions.
And on that Pollyana-meets-Katie-Couric note…
Inspirational. People come up with all sorts of excuses to keep from writing. You had as good an excuse as any and you still did it. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this story, Alesia. I’m so glad your test was negative, and your work helped you through such a difficult time.
Several years ago I went through a very painful divorce — it was not of my choosing and I didn’t handle it well at all. There was a time during the darkest period where I could not pick up a romance novel — any romance novel — without wanting to slam it against the wall. I read everything else I could get my hands on, but romance novels seemed as though they were mocking me with their HEA endings. Oddly enough, prior to the separation and divorce, when I knew that the marriage was in trouble but could not get my husband to acknowledge it, I read historical romance novels compulsively. At that time, romance novels seemed to be a replacement for what was lacking in the relationship. About a year after the divorce was final, when I was starting to feel better about the situation and accept that the marriage was truly over, I started reading romances again, although not in the same frequency as in the past. Now romances are about 1/3 of my reading material.
Alesia, your post is very inspirational — thank you so much for sharing.
I have found writing is a release. When I’m frustrated or angry or worried or even just happy about something, writing helps ground me. I can focus on this little world I’ve created and put troubles aside. Often when I’m just off a writing jag, I have better answers to my problems (sort of like my sub-conscious solves problems while I sleep.)
When life throws a bunch of lemons at me, I find it hard to write much of anything. My mind just shuts down to anything creative. Sometimes I can pull myself out of it and work on some of my nonfiction, but writing HEA romance doesn’t usually work.
I’ve had two such scares in my life Alesia. I had long ago let my writing lapse before the first one. But when the Big “C” word is suddenly a part of your life, it really makes you rethink your life. Mine wasn’t benign, but it was completely curable with two surgeries. After that, I had a whole new appreciation of life. I rejoined RWA, I recommited to making my dream come true. And you know what…four days ago, it did.
Shannon
I never believed into the old “an artist should suffer” saying. When I’m unhappy, no writing or reading is going to make me happy. I’m just too stressed to be able to get distracted.
So far, I haven’t had anything hit me so hard that I couldn’t write (and I’ve been very lucky that way in that nothing truly bad has happened to me), but there are times in my life when I’ve been very bitter and cynical about love or have been hurt, and I can’t bear to read romance or watch a romantic movie. It hurts too much to see or read about someone getting the happy ending that I feel like I’ve been denied. Watching happy couples have romantic moments in London or Manhattan becomes painful. That’s when I enjoy books or movies with a touch of bittersweet — a bit of romance, but still the awareness that it doesn’t always end happily. Love Actually is a great movie for one of those moods because there are the sweet, nice stories, but there are some bittersweet stories mixed in. That’s also when I most enjoy reading chick lit that’s a little edgier when dealing with relationships.
I’m having a time like that, Alesia, and I’m finding it hard to write sexy romantic comedy when my life has a lot of sadness and stress. My book has been stalled. It’s helpful to see that others have written through it. Thank you.
I definitely understand where you are coming from, both in the sense of escaping a scary personal reality with the HEA of a romance, and escaping the external scary reality within that same HEA. I have noticed that when things around the NJ/NYC area get hyper with raised terror alerts, fighter jets flying over my house, and increased numbers of cops in full battle gear hanging out on the subway platforms, I am more likely to grab an historical, or a light contemporary (though not a military one, sorry Ms. Brockmann) with a guaranteed HEA. I also notice that in times when I am personally bothered by all the terror-alertness, I gravitate most definitely towards paranormals – where the scary monsters are real and visible and you can tell immediately who they are – a contrast from guessing what’s in the backpack of the murmuring man sitting next to you.
I’m currently fighting depression. And I’ve started reading romances regularly instead of the 1 or 2/year previously. I find that they are really helping me stay happy and find things in my life to be happy about (including that my husband is housetrained and helps with the laundry, which I suspect that Duke/Earl would not be).
Thank you so much for responding – I’m sorry I couldn’t post on my day. I’m in a house on the beach with no internet access, but thank you thank you. And best of luck and my thoughts and prayers with those of you going through tough times right now.
hugs,
Alesia
For me it depends. When those life crises appear, often I am shoved into crisis mode and don’t feel like reading or writing fiction. But during the mourning process or in dealing with the aftermath, I often use romance to escape. For me, the HEA is only jarring if I am having a relationship-related problem, not if the crisis is of another nature. Although I have not written novel-length fiction, I know that my mood does affect the kind of stories I am able to write well at any given time.