Ever said that? Thought it? Something close?
A recent thread on one of my loops addressed the ungrateful who when given a critique whether as a friend or as part of a contest react in a less than loving manner. I think we have all dealt with this at one time or another. I know I have often sat, fingers hovering above my keyboard, wondering, “do they want to hear what I really think, or do they want a ‘way to go girl’?” Unfortunately, I have found on more than one occasion it was the latter after I provided the earlier.
I, like most people, try to be kind. I know as well as anyone it is just one person’s opinion–even if that person is me. 
But some people just don’t know how to take even the slightest bit of criticism in stride much less do what they should do and learn from it. Almost every bit of criticism no matter how idiotic or rude contains at least one real pearl.
Now on the other side of the coin, I have also been the rejected contestant who when the time came to send thank yous had the opportunity to say “Nah, nah, nah, nah. I sold my book.” (ignorant cow implied) When this happened I tried, I really did to say “I sold my book.” without the other part, but how did that other person read it? I have heard more than one author complain of this very scenario, and I had to wonder if it was the writer of the note or the reader of the note that put in the cow part. Does that make sense? You see, I think we have to have a thick skin on both ends. If a contestant writes back upset with your comments–yes, they are taking it poorly; yes, sometimes they are downright rude; but is there ever a time WE, the commenter are a tad sensitive about our comments not being accepted? Are we perhaps reading more into the notes than is there? I mean lets all be honest. When someone has just told you you need to hack the first twenty pages off your manuscript and your heroine could perhaps be a bit more rounded–don’t your hackles raise just a teeny bit? Grateful as they may be for your time, isn’t it asking a lot for them to harbor no bad feelings at all?
So, whether you are asking for a critique, entering a contest, providing what you think are helpful comments, or judging–put on your rhino hide and remember we are all human, we are all sensitive about what we have created, and most important–it is just one person’s opinion. (you ignorant cow)
Lori
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On the very first contest I entered, I was trying to get some feedback on a manuscript. It was my first book. It was awful. But I didn’t know how to fix it, so I thought I’d try to get some help.
Of course, the critiquer slaughtered it. But then she had the gall to put in a flyer for one of her upcoming books. She was so cut-throat in her comments, let’s just say I have never purchased one of her books and I never will. Even if the book is truly horrible, a critiquer should try to find SOMETHING redeemable to say. Nice punctuation, maybe?
Okay, I’m going to have to say that goes beyond BSP and heads directly north of there to tackyville. Eek!
Lori –
. You’re bang on here. Keep perspective. And yes, if I sell, there are likely a couple of judges I’d like to let know about it *g*.
As a critiquer/judge, I try to be honest. And hope I don’t ever come across as mean. But I don’t think it does any writer, no matter their level, any good to have their ego stroked when the point of the contest/critique/review is to provide an assessment of the writing.
JMHO, FWIW *g*
Great post, Lori. Developing a thick skin is hard sometimes, especially when you *love* something, but someone else does not. I’ve developed a couple mindsets about both critiques and contests. First, I NEVER sub something to a contest that hasn’t been through my critique group. Many are pubbed, many judge contests, so the worst of it, so to speak, should come from them. Second, contests are to build your resume, so to speak, or to target an agent or editor you want to see your work (IMHO–at least that’s how I use them). Not to stroke the ego, although praise is nice, you have to be ready to accept the downside, too. Not everyone will like what you put out.
This is another one of those contradictions in the writer’s life. Some day I’m going to sit down and make a list–I suspect it will be rather long. We do need a thick skin. OTOH, we must be sensitive. If we can’t feel deeply, our writing will likely be without emotion. Moreover, we really need to put our emotion into our work. So I think it is inevitable that we will feel hard hit by criticism–after all it is our raw feelings sitting out exposed for the world on those pages. That said–you are absolutely right–we have to find a way to deal with the criticism. And if we are going to offer advice/critique we need to let it go and not worry about the reaction we get.
Difficult stuff. Thanks for bringing this topic up, Lori.
If someone told me I need to hack the first twenty pages of my book, then, yes, my hackles would rise.
Not because I loved those twenty pages, but because I critique should never tell the writer they MUST do something. To me, the purpose of the critique is to point out problem areas, but only to SUGGEST improvements. Not demand them.
And they should be general suggestions, too. “This sentence sounds clunky, could you reword it” rather than “this sentence should read….”.
I think both sides in the equation certainly need to have the ability to count to ten before flying off the handle.
Good blog, Lori.
I entered contests for one year, 2003, and the teeny portion of 2004 before I sold. I was a slut. I loved it. I loved entering and finaling, and I loved just getting feeback (especially for my first books).
I learned a lot from some judges who took the time to help me over some basic writing hurdles because I was too lazy to take a writing class. Fortunately, I have a thick skin already since my previous career was in politics, and half the country hates me on general principles
So criticism, while I’ll vent about it, doesn’t bother me as much as it does others. However, there are a couple judges that I’d like to “nah, nah, nah” who trashed the book I ultimately sold.
However, AS a judge I think twice before writing anything. I had a recent entry where the heroine was TSTL. A pet peeve of mine. Well, instead of saying GROW UP! SHE’S STUPID! I put a bunch of questions in the margin. “Would she really do this?” “If she’s scared, why would she wait for him to return?” “He disarmed her once, why is she standing around waiting for him to disarm her again?”
But I also had a lot of good things to say because the writing was well-paced. It was just the character seemed — out of character, LOL.
So I try to be tactful, but I don’t tell them they’re great writers unless they really are. I wanted tactful honesty as an entrant (and received 80% of the time); it’s what I try to give as a judge.
I have critique partners who can tell me anything–up to and including “this sucks.” But they’re people I trust–people who can write very well themselves and who “get” my writing.
I’ve only ever had a few repeating complaints from contest judges and people with whom a critiquing relationship didn’t quite work. There was one very, very non-typical romance that I wrote just confused some judges who thought that romances should always start at A and get to Z by going patiently through every letter of the alphabet. That one, I had already strongly suspected that I wouldn’t be able to publish because of its structure and setting, anyway. I ended up not even trying.
Other than that, I regularly got just a few comments on my first ms that sold, and it was very rare that I got one without the others:
1) You use too many BIG WORDS!
2) I don’t understand what’s going on (because they didn’t understand the BIG WORDS).
3) Your heroine is mean and ought to be sacrificing herself to save her FAMILY, not to save herself!
Since #2 only happened in the most severe cases of #1 (which I ignored, too), and since I would rather pluck out my own eyeballs than write #3, it was *very* easy to dismiss the comments!
Oh, yes, and one judge once had a hissy fit when I switched POV in the MIDDLE OF A SCENE! Omigod! HOW COULD I DO SUCH A THING???? (BTW, that POV switch? It’s still there in the published novel. Of course.)
I entered contests to win, not to get critiquing advice, so except for a very, very occasional comment about a word choice or a caught typo, they’ve made absolutely no impact on me. By the time I sent anything into a contest, it had already been critiqued by my critique group, and they’re so awesome that pretty much the only thing left for anyone to comment on was my voice. Even before I was published, though, I knew that my voice was the thing most likely about my writing to GET me published, so I ignored the occasional negative comments. *g* Besides, someone who would put down a book because she didn’t know the word “decadent” is NOT my audience! It’s one thing not to know a word. It’s another to hate a book because it contains a word you don’t know.
I just finished judging a contest and expect another batch any day, so this post is right on the money for me. For the reasons you say, I’m not as nit picky in contests as I would be with my critique partners. I know my CPs want me to be blunt, just as I want from them. They have enough confidence to take what works for them and ignore what doesn’t. On the contest entries, I tell the main problem or two, but I try to sandwich it between something I like about the writing. Although sometimes, finding something good to say is not easy, lol.
yeah, I have a writing goddess crit partner and she’s the only one allowed to call me an ignorant cow. She’s earned the right — not like those ignorant cow judges and entrants in all the contest.
Moooing with the herd!
LOL! I loved this article! I am very blessed with crit partners that don’t hold back (I think
), but are very supportive too. One of my “favorite” crits I got of a ms chapter consisted all of one line: “This is great – here’s mine for you to critique.” 
PS – that last “crit comment” didn’t come from either of my present two crit partners
Thanks everybody for your comments. I wish I could add something witty and wise, but I think you all covered it nicely.
No need to moo here.
When it comes to taking criticism, I approach the critics critically. Which is to say, I take the comments made and then subject them to examination in order to determine what prompted the disconnect.
I got more comments on the first chapter of The Quill than on other material from that manuscript. When I received criticism from readers couched in phrases like “I don’t know much about Islam, but…”, I knew I needn’t worry about those. The book itself is an education, albeit a modest one, about Islam, and not all questions could or should be answered in the opening scenes.
At the same time, I had a section of the chapter where reader after reader became confused about a piece of action. They didn’t understand it as written, and though it was clear to me, it was obviously not clear in a very specific way to a wide spectrum of readers. As a result, I made changes to accommodate them.
There were other comments of both varieties, as well. Some were well taken and some were dismissed. Readers oftentimes want things from a piece that one, as an author, is not prepared to deliver for whatever reason, so it’s important to be aware of purpose when receiving criticism.
At the same time, readers can get stuck on a bit of business, or some dialogue, or what have you, that seems perfectly clear, and that’s when an author has to pay close attention.